Alien Blogato

The Light is Behind Me

2011-11-28T16:47:00.001Z

http://jackbz.bandcamp.com/album/the-light-is-behind-me

Why is this here?

2011-11-12T07:08:00.000Z

I'm glad I wrote this blog. But it really does show how much of my life I've spent being unhappy. I think there's some correlations here and there. I've said before how I only write when I'm sad, and that goes for music as well (or at least lyrics) and being creative in general. This year however was the year I've wrote in this least since starting it.

Does that mean it was my happiest year? In some moments it was probably the happiest I'd been since childhood. In fact the most I had to complain about was that I probably shouldn't have been enjoying it as much as I should, for the first few months, which I spent being a recluse and playing videogames. In fact there was a time where I literally didn't meet up with any friends or do anything for months, or even leave my house. I spent my days trying to finish that cartoon (which wasn't very good) up until December. Then I had nothing to do and no obligations for ages. And this is how I expected the year to last. And honestly this was quite a nice time.

But then, in March, Zak had his birthday meet up, and I met up with a bunch of old friends I hadn't seen for months. And I met a bunch of new people who I liked, whose company I enjoyed and who enjoyed my company. And I enjoyed myself quite a bit. So I decided to try and be more of a social and outgoing person from that moment onwards, and to integrate myself into that group. So I did, and it was fun. But I was constantly aware the whole time that this was just a passing thing, and I'd be leaving London to start a completely new life soon. So I could never completely just relish in my happiness, except May. May was specifically amazing. The holiday + some other stuff I can't really write here.

The thing is that I was fine with that before. Back in fuckin' January. My life was different. I had nothing going for me back here except dossing around for a year, which I wanted to do. But then I made the mistake of making it so I did have something going for me. It brought me happiness, then a coming sadness when that had to end. And I can't convince myself it was worth it. But I can't change anything now. I just have to build a life down here and hope it's as good. But the thing is, I find that so difficult. It was such an amazing system making the friends I'd made, because 1: I knew they were most likely cool people because they were already friends of 2 of my best friends, and 2: I could just instantly be myself around them because I am myself around my old friends.

I've always found it difficult communicating and making friends, but somehow I never really was this year until now. It's a horrible feeling. I thought I was cured, but it turns out I was just in a specific circumstance. And without that circumstance, I am unable.

But of course I haven't really gone into details with this blog. So I'm wondering what the point is of having this over something like a diary. Nobody reads it except me and maybe the occasional 1 or 2 other people, and whenever I want to write something down that really expresses how I am feeling, I get incredibly nervous that it'll be made public, and I refrain. I never used to be like this, as evident from earlier blog entries here.

Maybe I should just say. I am becoming pessimistic about life in general. But I think it's just the way I am. Being happy for a long period of time is a naturally hard thing for me to obtain. Why was I sad all those years ago? Nothing was really wrong. I spent a lot of time bored. But I feel bored is good for me, in that usually the only other alternative is sadness. Now things in my life are actually wrong and I wish I could go back even 6 months.

I think part of the problem is that, when I discovered how big life is, how important it is, and how short it is, I decided I wanted a lot more from it. And I never get that "lot more" that I decided I need. And I am currently at a dark time in my life. But I had such immense happy times such a short while ago. So I am at least understanding that you can never know what is around the corner, and how you are now can always change.

I retired my old blog when it got to the 100th entry. This is the 99th entry. The next and last entry will be my album, then I might move onto somewhere else. Myspace, Blogspot. What's next? Tumblr? Or nothing? I'll probably always keep writing. But it might just be on paper, in a book, that I keep by my bed.

Album is almost done

2011-11-01T21:04:00.000Z

Here is a song from it.

Vanishing Art

2011-06-09T04:26:00.001+01:00

Warning: Another blog about art and its relation to death and loss! Sorry. I wouldn't say that those are the two things most on my mind, because they're not, but they are often motivators for me to write. I often write in weird solemn moods, which is another problem with my music. I can seem like such a sad sack, but it is because sadness for some reason leads to expression for me. But that is only within writing and music. It is usually feeling active or direct inspiration from something else that makes me want to draw or animate. That's kind of weird to me.

I just felt like writing what a tragedy it is that Elliott Smith died when he did. From a Basement on the Hill was probably his most interesting and inspired period of song writing and experimentation, and it's really horrible that it was never finished. The version released is a fragment, a rough stitching of a few incredible ideas. Then we have some of the amazing unreleased tracks from it: See You In Heaven, True Love, Stick Man.

But the version he was going to create, that kind of White Album inspired thing will never come to pass, most of the songs were never finished, and any concrete idea of what it could have been vanished when that knife went in his chest.

The thought of something like that being lost in an instant is definitely a powerful force in making me document my thoughts, art, music etc. Sometimes it is a comfort that something is within my brain and is mine and only mine. But I feel uncomfortable over the thought of it being lost.

Art as expression

2011-05-27T00:00:00.004+01:00

I'll start off first by talking about the motivation for this blog. I was reading about the context surrounding the album "Young Prayer" by Panda Bear. It was written and recorded in the room his father died in, and was written and recorded whilst his father was sick. It was made mostly for him to listen to, to know that his son was proud and grateful for having him as a dad. To quote him:

With Young Prayer, I wanted to tell him that he had taught me really well. I wanted to be like, ‘It’s been really good hanging out and learning from you, you’ve been a really good man and set a good example’.

And this started making me think about hypothetically being in a similar situation. I've always been sort of nervous about using art as an expression directed at someone specific for them to hear, because they might not like or get it. What I mean as that for example with music, 90% of what I love and would like to create would just seem so alien to my parents, I think. The Panda Bear album that sparked this thought for example is mostly just him softly strumming a guitar while singing high falsetto notes with incomprehensible lyrics. It's beautiful to me, like meditation music. But if I made something similar for a dying parent, they really wouldn't appreciate it properly.

Maybe that's besides the point. Maybe it's just the fact that his son makes music and has kind of found himself and what he wants to do with his life, rather than the actual product. I guess that's cool. I guess it's just always the sentiment that's more important, "it's the thought that counts" etc.

I just wanted to write about that.

My Music

2011-03-14T05:14:00.004Z

I have been wanting to make an album (or EP if I don't make enough stuff) this year, and am basically in the writing process. I'm kind of...half suffering writer's block, and half not. I have been having many ideas in my mind of the musical direction, structure of the record, the kind of songs and styles that would go together. But the actual y'know, writing, has been slow. I'm also not entirely sure whether to make it too much of a mish mash, even though it probably wouldn't end up like that unless I really was ambitious. But so far I plan for this to have a largely minimilist electronic sort of sound (think James Blake) with shoegaze guitars. That was my main thing I wanted to combine, aswell as writing instrumental piano pieces and even some classical guitar songs (very much inspired by Sun Kil Moon's latest album, which is beautiful).

The main problem I think I'm having, is that I am finding success writing the acoustic guitar based tracks, because it is a familiar outlet for me. But the main focus of what I wanted the album to be (the electronics + shoegaze mix) I am not really getting places as fast as I should. It's because it's all new to me, so that's fine, or would be if I didn't feel I have to get this done by September (university starts then) or just not get it done at all. It's quite tough, but I mean, recording music by yourself is never easy. I have only recorded 3 songs that I would call decent (and even then I'm not hugely proud of them) and now I'm expecting myself to write an album's worth?

Is this the problem? Should I take a less structured approach and just focus on the songs themselves, and just enjoy the experimentation and song writing without worrying about the amount produced? I'd answer yes, if I didn't feel I won't have an opportunity like this for a long time, maybe even ever again.

2011

2011-03-02T23:10:00.006Z

Hey, it's 2011 now. Has been for like 2 months, but I'm just mentioning this while looking at the date of my last blog. I don't know why I don't write as much, but it undoubtedly has something to do with the fact that I am often inspired to write while feeling low, and I've been in that weird limbo period between feeling low and feeling happy for a good while now. I think it's what most people feel like most of the time. It's that weird place of just being content, which means I am not sad or excited enough to want to create anything, which is bad for me. I guess it's mostly a good thing, but I kind of regret not documenting things. I pretty much haven't touched my diary since July, and when I did, it was pathetic. I tried on 3 different days to finish 1 entry, and got about 50 words done. So yeah, should probably start that up again.

Decided I am going to go to university next year, so I applied to do animation and have interviews for everywhere I applied, though some I am not going to go because I've already gotten into one of my top choices (they accepted day after interview which was nice). Not sure if this is interesting to anyone. I've voiced disappointment in the way my life is going in the past, the fact that I don't feel there is any university course that is worth persuing to do what I really want to do in life (even that is vague and uncertain, I just want to live off art of my own in any medium), but I think this is definitely for the best. Because it will be fun. It's a nice form of independence where you have semi long periods of living away from home, before going back there and alternating between the two and getting the best of both worlds.

This sure is a piece of shit blog. I can't write in this thing without feeling it's being read by people who I don't want to read it anymore. I don't know why that is. Looking back on old entries, I used to be stupidly honest. It's actually quite surprising how I would just write as if there wasn't a possibility of people reading it, but it's so much easier that way. You don't have to read over and say "I should include that". You just do. I need to start doing that again, but not here.

It seems that even though it's been a few months, I still don't know what to say. I guess my life isn't changing enough to make interesting words. Oh! I met Bown and Bibilo. That was a big thing for me, because I got to see that text on a screen actually exists IRL! I am wording that stupidly on purpose. But yeah, I never really liked writing what I do on this blog, rather than what I think, and I don't think I've changed much in that regard.

I plan to go into more detail of these in a separate blog soon (I guess a summary of 2010), but for now, here's 2 small lists:

Top Albums of 2010 (no order):

Janelle Monáe - The Arch Android
Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti - Before Today
Charlotte Gainsbourg - IRM
Arcade Fire - The Suburbs
Sleigh Bells - Treats

If I had to pick it would be The Arch Android for my favourite.

Still haven't checked out the latest Sun Kil Moon album though.

Albums I am liking so far of 2011 (no order):

Radiohead - The King of Limbs
James Blake - James Blake
Yuck - Yuck

If I had to pick...nah, too early to tell. All English albums so far!

Chad in The City

2010-12-21T04:58:00.002Z

Done. Review/vote!

Tumblr, it's not your fault. It's who you hang around with.

2010-10-23T05:19:00.001+01:00

STUFF ABOUT ME BEING ILL + MUSIC

My stomach hurts too much to eat so I'm looking up various foods on wikipedia. It's really not a very good idea but then again, what is? Maybe not doing it. Ok, you have made your point, SHUT UP. I've also gotten myself into a weird point where I'm so tired, but my stomach hurts so much that I won't be able to sleep. And I can't really draw anything right now either, but I need to keep occupied. Almost all my music is giving me a headache and making me feel ill. I knew I should have gotten more emergency music that is slow and droney as hell, with no percussion or vocals.

But as it stands I currently don't really have any of that; I've got a new laptop recently, and only copied some essential stuff over as of now, though I did a piss poor job of that because I somehow managed to only copy over 3 Red House Painters songs (and they're my favourite band). I'm finding myself listening to The Beach Boy's "Don't Talk (Put Your Head on My Shoulder)" on repeat now. It's really hypnotic and drifty. I also had the probably controversial/wrong opinion as of late that "Pet Sounds" is a better album than any Beatles album, with the possible exception of The White Album. But it's just so enjoyable, and to think that it even came out before Sgt. Peppers is pretty impressive (yeah, I know that Peppers was directly influenced by it).

On the subject of music way before my time, I've realised I have really hardly explored the 70s at all. I mean what - Neil Young, Nick Drake, Serge Gainsbourg, Queen. Is that it? I should sort myself out. I also feel that I should apologise to the 80s, cos Anthony made me aware that I kind of slagged it off when I was 15, but really. You brought us The Cure, The Smiths, Michael Jackson's best album (Thriller for those of you who aren't kidding yourselves), My Bloody Valentine's fantastic debut album, and y'know, lots more stuff. So kudos! I think my major gripe is that I think the 80s was kind of the point where mainstream music really started to go down hill, but you should judge a period of time by what it produced, not what became popular.

THE TUMBLR SECTION

I'm gonna talk about blogging for a while, though I'm a bit late on talking about what I'm about to talk about. I have pretty much been (semi) regularly blogging since 2006, and it's always been a weird nerdy fringe thing. Like the "You should check out my blog! I've got some opinions there! Heh!" stereotype. Then semi-recently, the tumblr craze started to kick in, and I was honestly excited. Maybe I'd get the chance to read people's thoughts on things, get some kind of better understanding of the people I know but don't really associate with.

Turns out it's just an excuse to post pictures you've seen somewhere else.

I mean, seriously? Is this what people choose to do? Fucking christ. Why is it that when the the "majority" (best word I could have used to not make me look like an elitist shit, guess I failed there) get a hand on something, their first port of call is to be like everyone else? I think the fact there's even a "re-blogging" option is just such a horrible, mind bogglingly stupid tool, saying "come on, don't put any effort it. Just click this button and your tumblr will be as cool as ours!". But then I can't really fault tumblr for that. Its tools given are those that can be created for good, but people use them for evil (ie: stupidly reblogging everyone's blogs that are just a cool black and white picture of someone smoking a cigarette or something).

I think tumblr has Little Big Planet syndrome. For those of you who don't know, Little Big Planet is a videogame that has a very in depth level creator, with the major purpose of the game being creating and sharing levels on a world wide platform via uploading them. The problem with this that it only really works that well as a mechanic if the majority of the audience are artistic creative wonders who don't just remake levels of old games and create cars that go really fast and crash into walls (and one thing it really has in common with Tumblr is that everyone copies levels and posts them again as if they're their own work). Or at the very least, make it easier for the generally good level designs to get a front page spot. What I'm saying is that the premise of tumblr/blogs in general is obviously great, but christ do people do stupid things instead.

I mean at the end of the day, none of this really matters. People can choose to make their blogs however they want/whatever they want them to be about. Quality isn't really what's bugging me. I'm not arguing that a certain style of blogging is best, and that everyone's blogs should strive to be verbose/wordy like mine or anything. I'm just saying that at the very fucking least don't create them by pressing a single button to copy someone else's.

To Not Follow Your Passion

2010-10-18T05:22:00.001+01:00

I'm not entirely sure who reads this without me showing them, but whoever that may be, sorry for not writing in this. I think everything is just a bit slowed down, really. None of the bloggers I follow have written any blogs for a long time either (actually Sykes did kinda recently), so maybe it's a peer thing. I have nothing to write about because for a good while my life hasn't had any significant changes, and I'm amazed it's been so long. The days are all one big blur, because I don't do much. I don't actually mind it like this though, which is probably worrying.

But anyway, today I tried applying for a temp job for a nightshift in HMV in Kingston. Thought I'd apply for the nighshift because my body clock is usually naturally fucked (I am writing this at 4am) and I wouldn't have to deal with lots of/any customers most of the time. Which was why I was a tad annoyed that the form said that previous customer experience was essential. It seemed like previously having a job is a prerequisite to getting a job (I have never had a job before), which is frustrating. I'm sure I just need to look further than 1 online application, but still. My hours would be from 9:30pm to 6am. I'd mostly be restocking. If I need past experience for this, what else can I do?

Creatively, I have been actively working towards something that I think will get me some internet exposure. I posted a link to "The City" before, but I have cleaned it up a bit and added about a minute and half of footage, I think. I plan to try and get it sponsored by Newgrounds or another sponsor (maybe flashportal or someone else), and depending on if it does, decide what to do next. If it doesn't get sponsored, I think I might just forget about animating anything for a while. It's not really much of a passion. To explain why I do it might take a bit of a while.

Basically, drawing has always been my biggest talent, or at least it is the one I have explored properly and been the most public about. But a single picture or image can never make such a big impact, at least I would not be able to make such a big impact in this way. I have a love for story telling, characterisation, etc etc. Thus the best I can really do with combining both of these things is animation. It is basically a version of film that I would be competent at, and have no real visual ristrictions, yet be completely individual. I'm not sure what it is with me and creating alone. For some reason I don't ever feel confident with speaking for my creations with any other method besides letting them speak for themselves. I feel uncomfortable explaining the intentions and the story behind something. Back when I was 13 and making movies in 3d Movie Maker and creating threads to hype them up on forums, I would always say the story was "a secret". Possibly because often that aspect is pretty weak with me without the style and way it is told to back it up. Working with other people would mean I couldn't explain my intentions with a finished product, because I'd need them to help with that said product.

But it's not really something I want to do because animation itself is perhaps the most boring and tedious thing in the world. I'm actually leaning towards doing animation in university, though I should hurry up and realise that it's a pointless venture for me. I like animation. I like films. I like stories. If I wanted to be a creative director of an animated movie, I would not need to be an animator, and the story telling aspect and having my own world visualised is the really appealing part. The only reason I make cartoons is because I like the end product, not the process. Having a career where I animate for someone else's creation and directive vision would be my nightmare; all process, none of the feeling of your creation jumping from your mind and into something others can see.

On the matter of university, I've decided that it is something I eventually want to do next year. Because I feel like I need to experience it. Thinking of something that would be worthwhile for me is another matter, and is the problem with creative things. I've gone back to what I was in 2008; I know what I want to become, but not what I want to persue. Knowing my dream and being unsure if I should follow it. It's weird how I'm backtracking. The more I look at what it would involve being a musician properly, the more I want to back away from it.

But how can I say I don't want to be a musician when people like Mark Kozelek exist, reminding me through his bands Red House Painters and Sun Kil Moon just how perfect it is as an individualist medium, and how if I could make just person feel what his music does to me, I would have succeeded at life. To not follow your biggest passion when you are only alive and here once for a very short time...I don't think I could ever rationalise it. I am not going to strive to settle.

This is where I live

2010-09-04T05:31:00.004+01:00

And I've never felt less at home

Sorry for making a post that's just a link to a song, but I had a special moment with it today and so should you.

Mosque at Ground Zero

2010-08-31T04:45:00.003+01:00

Actually, by "at" I should say "near". And by "near" I of course mean 2 blocks away. And let's not forget that there is already a mosque closer to ground zero than this proposed one.

This is the biggest non issue ever, and anyone who is offended by it should take a really good look at why they're offended. Mosques are not the international symbol for terrorism. 1.5 billion muslims did not crash the planes into the towers. America should not show intolerance by allowing every other religion to build their worship site in the area except one specific religion, because of something a terrorist group did in the name of it.

And also, am I really insensitive for saying that 9/11 was almost 9 years ago now? People are letting it fuck things up much more than it should have with protests like this.

Limits in Comedy

2010-08-20T18:39:00.000+01:00

This might be an opinion that's controversial (not that this blog really has the potential to be seen as controversial) but I really don't think there should be any limits to comedy. Too many times I see people say "some things shouldn't be joked about", but I really don't see this as the case. I can't think of anything that simply shouldn't be mentioned in a joke, or where context or something else can't negate the fact that it's distasteful, or something. Sometimes I've just been flat out crushed by something (emotionally, I'm not actually dead) and then soon after, I see a joke about it that makes me laugh a whole lot.

But I think it should be understood that: I'm not arguing that it's impossible for jokes to be in bad taste or unreasonably offensive, not in the slightest. I'm just arguing that I don't think there should ever be a subject matter that is immune from being joked about. I think comedy being censored is one of my least favourite things, is all I'm saying.

In other news, I'm getting minor spam on a particular blog entry from 2008 called "Laughing when you Shouldn't", which is just a link to a video of this guy inappropriately laughing on this show (but it's all staged). I wonder why this is happening on that particular entry; if it's because it comes up in a particular Google search or anything.

Perhaps it is a mystery best left unsolved.

DDDDDDDDD

2010-08-19T00:04:00.001+01:00

So I got the best possible grades for both my courses at college (distinctions all round). This makes me rather pleased. However, there's something about Btecs that takes the "fun" out of grades. You pretty much know exactly what you're going to get from a mile a way (that is, if you choose to check what marks you're actually getting and adding them up). And it's not a "try and succeed or fail" policy a lot of the time, it's "try and succeed, or try and fail but keep trying until you get a better grade" though admittedly I didn't retake anything. I'm happy though, I guess. I think it's the fact that I wasn't really stressing over anything (read: at all) that makes lessens the impact of good news, y'know?

I've been opening up quite a lot recently. I let other people read things that I thought I'd never let anyone else read, and it feels really good. And friends have been telling information that seems to come from deep, secret places. I feel closer to them now more than ever. It's as if all barriers have been broken.

I've also been lead to wonder what it is about human nature and keeping secrets that are, if looked at from a distance, really NOT a big deal. I wonder if it's a biological thing or a social construct. I can't think of a biological need for shyness; maybe to just stop one putting off people through annoying behaviours or something? I don't know. Note to research later (by research I mean google), do any animals experience shyness and embarrassment besides humans?

Inception was really great.

Galaxy-G-I

2010-08-06T03:11:00.000+01:00

This picture, to me, looks like some weird early CGI magical mountain that would've been in a cut scene in one of the PlayStation 1 Final Fantasy games. And yet this is a picture from space! It's funny what computer generated animation has done to my mind. Too often I'll look at an image that is a photo and think in my mind "this looks like CGI". I wonder if that's because graphics are getting closer to reality or because my mind is dumb. Not sure exactly why I say my mind is dumb, rather than just "I'm dumb". I think it's because of the implications, like saying your mind is something rather than yourself implies that you're talking about your subconscious or whatever.

Recently I've been thinking about what the most fulfilling thing is possible to happen in my life. Once I fulfil my dreams I'll just have more dreams to fulfil. I wonder what kind of life style, wealth, situation etc would be the one that makes optimum happiness. Well the answer to that would be in a machine that constantly stimulates the happiness part of my brain, but that's not one I mean, all of you assholes. I always seem to stay on the same level of happiness throughout my life. Actually, that's not true. I was definitely happier when I was 10 years old and all that, and I've actually noticed that my happiness goes in cycles:

September/October I'm usually uncomfortable and generally unhappy, but I get happy and optimistic about something by November, and then by around April I realise that it's not going to happen, and I turn kind of mellow until June, in which I don't really mind anything because I can relax. Sometimes the realisation and mellowing out actually happens much later.

That's pretty much it. I think it's due a lot, in part, to the school cycle. I'm not sure what it's like in the rest of the world (I think school years in Australia start when the year starts, generally), but that's kinda the school start and end cycle over here. But now that I won't be having any kind of education for at least a year, I wonder if my emotional cycle will stay as consistent as it always is. Lol, emotional cycle. My life is one giant period or something.

Films

2010-08-01T22:39:00.002+01:00

Hey, I'm still here and all that. Pretty much just been working on my cartoon or lazing around recently. Strangely I haven't really had a desire to play/write music at all as of late. What I have had the desire to do though, is watch some films! Apologies to people at the Projectorheads forums, because I have posted all of these there already. Spoilers beware, you're in for a...few of them:

Horseo (Actual title: Ponyo) (The guy who made Spirited Away, 2008): Very, very adorable movie, and one that I can easily admire for its practices used in making it alone. The predominantly coloured pencil backgrounds instead of the traditional gouache paint created a wonderful child like atmosphere around the whole thing, and I often found myself just focussed. I didn't feel as much of a "this is entirely gorgeous" vibe when watching Spirited Away, and I'm not sure why that is since it was a lot more detailed. Maybe it's the fact that I watched Ponyo on a computer with a very high definition copy, rather than a dvd on a small tv but yeah. The whole sequence with the waves chasing after the car while Ponyo is running on top of them was pretty amazing.

However, I gotta say I didn't like this nearly as much as Spirited Away. It's very adorable and pretty, but definitely overly simple in its premise. That's not necessarily a problem I suppose, it's just that compared to Spirited Away, this felt like a movie targeted directly at children. None of the characters were really very interesting besides Ponyo (though the designs for a lot of them were very good), and some parts I just didn't understand, like... the moon is falling because Ponyo is becoming human? I felt like this is just something to make the movie feel more urgent, like there's some kind of danger (which it failed at, and didn't need to try to do either). And I also wasn't quite sure if the sea was rising a lot because of the magic potion thing or because the moon was out of orbit.

But when watching the movie, it's hard to convince yourself these things matter much. It makes you feel warm inside, it's very pretty, and it's a good film.

8.5/10

The Dad's name Tenebaums (Actual title: The Royal Tenenbaums) (Tom Bown (actual director: Wes Anderson, 2001):

I found this to be a very funny movie. I love how Royal can be so clueless about him saying stuff that is so obviously offensive to people, but yet dead on about other stuff that no one is even aware of (Margot having an affair with Eli). think most of my enjoyment of the film can be chalked up to this character, such as the hilarious scene in which he tells his wife he's dying, then he's not dying, and then that he's dying when he sees how mad she gets. I seem to love characters that aren't really "bad", but that everyone hates for being an asshole. The attempted suicide scene was really great because it used Elliott Smith and he's dead! Also Dudley reminds me of Solomon from Gummo. I'm not sure what else to say about this film, since it's not as fresh in my mind as the others...

But fuck everyone for just not giving a shit when the dog gets killed. The kids don't even shed a tear, and get given a new dog and suddenly everything is 100% fine magical ok. God damn it. They took that dog everywhere with them and they don't give a shit. What bastard kids. I wish the car had killed them, cos then maybe the dog would be upset and prove that it's better than them.

8.5/10

DULLholland doctor (Gordon Cole (actual director: David Lynch), 2001): I enjoyed this. It started to kinda drag on after a while until the last 40 minutes or so, which was very interesting and you could tell it came from an entirely different place than the first 2/3rds of the film. I think the film kinda suffered from being originally filmed as a pilot though, because while I just praised the last part of the film for shaking things up and being interesting, I don't think he would've originally wanted it presented like that, and would have probably taken some time to explain things further. Characters and other elements are involved, make you interested, and then are never brought up again or explained, probably because it was planned to go on a lot longer. I guess I don't exactly like having to look up "theories" on films to make sense of them, but maybe that's just me being a fuckin' moron!

It's made me wanna see even more Lynch though...but I hope me starting with his best work (in the eyes of Liam at least), Twin Peaks, hasn't made everything else seem worse in comparison.

8/10

Lesbian Human Sexers (actual title: Fucking Åmål) (Mad Eye Moodysson, yes this is the best I could do (actual director: Lukas Moodysson , 1998 )

First off, I want to say that I'm very amazed at Alexandra Dahlström for a number of reasons. First of all, how she was actually 14 at the time of recording is shocking for how good she is an actress. I found it so weird how I as I am now am 4 years older than when she was in this film. What have I been doing with my life? Secondly: she's really hot! I need to see other films that involve her being legal age so I can remove my creep status while holding the same opinion.

But yeah, this movie was really really great. It's the kind of movie that I wish I could just instantly play to the occasional homophobic bastards I argue with on the internet. I think what really made this effective is how young the 2 girls are. There's an innocence to it; it's not seedy, nothing sexual really happens, which makes its value much stronger and effective. But it's also really hilarious at the same time as its touching. Elin and Agnes walking hand in hand together, after the perfect toilet scene, to then say "we're going to fuck now" or whatever it is. And then the scene with the chocolate milk at the end. I often overtalk things when I like girls too!

Also gotta love it when Elin just says to Markus "You're a fucking idiot". I think this is a very good film for youngish teenagers to see to make sure they don't grow up to be bastards.

9.5/10

Late Night Experiment

2010-07-26T03:49:00.000+01:00

Backstory: It's 3:40am, and I am very, very tired. For the past week, I've been going to bed at 11pm, completely and utterly exhausted (my body clock is in a weird, unique phase of early waking and relatively early sleeping) and I wanna write. I'm just gonna type shit and then see if I'll post it.

Ok back story out of the way. COMMENCE TYPING *waits for it*

NOW

Ok man, all I can immediately think to talk about is music, blogging, and being really tired. What the hell is wrong with me, fuck that shit. I've talked about those subjects into the ground. I've done it so much that I've even talked about talking them into the ground into the ground. Read that again if it doesn't make sense to you *just dazzled you with my shit fuck, this is boring as hell*

argh man. Tiredness is never interesting. Even when I purposely gave myself no limits in what to say I just say the same old shit. I'm hard wired. I need to get into the habit of writing about other things, like maybe give myself subjects to talk about or ask people what they wanna see me write about or something, I dunno.

This experiment was a failure but I got some insight.

I wrote a post a while ago

2010-07-15T04:53:00.003+01:00

Where I was upset about something, that still upsets me but not in a personal way. I can't really explain because y'know, annoying and uninteresting vagueness which is a certain barrier on this. It'd certainly be a lot more frequent if no one else could read it at the very least, because I'd have a lot more to say. But yes, following on from that blog I decided to not advertise this anymore in my msn name or on Facebook, or anywhere else (though I don't think I ever did advertise this anywhere else except when MySpace was actually used by people)*. But where's the fun in that? Ok, there's none, but there's no fun in emitting an audience either.

The bottom line is, without kidding myself: I want people to read this. I want people I don't speak to or know that well (or at all) to read this more than I want my closest friends to read it. I'd love it to be this just, complete open medium that people can use to know certain things about me. I'd love for this to be something that I can use to express what I often fail to do in real life, either out of awkward cowardice or the time never arriving at the right moment. So starving this off being read by other people isn't something I want. But I will always be embarrassed of what I write here. Not because of the content, but just the fact that I'm even doing it. It paints a weird picture. There's nothing wrong with it...I can't explain this very well at all.

I think uh, something along what I'm trying to say too is: there lies the problem with giving secrets. You can never ask for them back.

So in short, I'm gonna link when I want, and not link when I want, and not make such a big deal out of this. It's funny how I say "in short", as if what I just wrote previously is anything like I just said. Oh well. 2 blogs in one day! Sadly, one of them is about blogging itself, therefore being uninteresting.

*Reading this paragraph over makes me feel a horrid shame at how social networking is so ingrained in my life. Or maybe that's not true, and it's the only proper way I can advertise this because no one else will ever care?

Power of Persuasion

2010-07-15T04:46:00.000+01:00

I wonder if there are the perfect words for any situation. I wonder if each person can be persuaded by something with the right words, or if there is a limit to what you can do. I wonder if even the most atheistic person could be converted to being religious with just words, and vice versa. But not just beliefs. Can someone who hates a certain movie with a passion, be convinced that the movie is actually great by words alone? I mean specifically words and things you can say, just so that's clear.

Of course, the answer to all of these is yes: it does happen. But what I want to know is if it could happen to everyone. Or does the human brain eventually get to a point where it just can't be convinced? Where no possible reason (or trickery, I guess!) can persuade them otherwise of what they think? Do human minds start open and eventually lock over time?

It'd be an interesting power to have, the power to have perfect persuasion, just to see who you could change and who you couldn't because of the impossibility factor that they are hard wired.

Not really sure what this is about. I found it written in a word document from a few months ago, but I guess it's slightly almost interesting! I also want to get some blogs out of the way so I can get to number 100, a special blog I have planned.

Homes in the stars

2010-07-12T06:48:00.007+01:00

It's something we've all thought about; that the Earth is just, as Carl Sagan put it, a "pale blue dot" in the eternal vastness of the universe. And I think I wrote a blog about eventually everything will end, including our memories and documentation because eventually the sun will explode, and destroy the Earth, etc etc. But looking back, I think I made a very weird assumption; that we'd never leave our planet to inhabit other areas of space.

Can you imagine what that'll mean when this happens? It'll pretty much change what it means to be a life form. The fact that overtime, a species has learned not only how to leave their planet, but to cultivate something else into a new one. There'll probably end up being limitless possibilities to where we can go. I don't know why I didn't really think about that before.

It's weird to think of our personal selves and our opinions, and what they will mean to people in the distant future; how eventually we might just be something to be observed with interest but no emotional attachments. How eventually we will be grouped as an "era" no different to the ones we look back on. We differentiate so much between the different decades of the previous century, but soon that'll all be in a big melting pot. But what I hadn't really thought of before was if there will eventually just be a whole era of human existence known as the "Earth" era, as known from our very distant descendants as we leave this planet. For some reason that evokes a lot of contradictory feelings. The sort of weird loneliness that what we find important may not be important one day, but yet a feeling of warmth that we are probably part of the society that will begin cultivating outside of this planet, and to top it off, a sense of envy for the future humans that will have freed itself from being dependent from 1 home.

Speaking of envy, I really do wish I could go into space and see the Earth from there. I think it must evoke some kind of calm epiphany of what's really important, and how trivial a lot of our worries really are. I really think that doing so could be beneficial for a lot of people, almost feeling a massive spiritual connection to where you are and how beautiful it is.

On another note, I've started watching Twin Peaks again. It's really great (or damn fine lol!!!!).

Moving

2010-06-23T23:11:00.002+01:00

I'm moving house tomorrow. I move pretty frequently, and I don't like moving, or at least not when I move, mainly because when my family moves, it's never some planned goal or anything (except the house I moved in when I was 6). It's always because "something comes up" or whatever. I feel unstable, like I can't get attached to a home because after 3 or 4 years I'll get a new one. And they're always rented so we have to like, "be careful" and stuff (not that I wouldn't be careful if the house was my family's). I guess this is what life's gonna be like when I move out though, so I should get used to it. I'd like somewhere to properly call home though, and I feel like I won't feel that for maybe a decade. That better not happen.

My main memories of this place are of it being a creative den. It was the place where I honed most of the talents that I have now (I taught myself guitar here over 4 years for example) and also for becoming someone who isn't terrible (I think when I was in year 9 I might have been pretty terrible, I can't be sure). It was in this house I first indulged in Radiohead, Elliott Smith, Red House Painters, and everything else that was to come music wise. Ummm. I also made the best friends I've ever had, and maybe ever will have, while I was here (literally for the online ones).

But let's just hope this new place brings unseen amazements. Is amazements a word? I like it. Firefox hasn't auto-corrected it at least.

Wondering if I'm more agnostic

2010-06-19T08:44:00.004+01:00

Than atheist now. Probably not, but recently I keep thinking about after death, and thinking "Nah, I gotta continue on after I die. There's no way it'll just end like that." But I can't really rationalise it at all. It's just a feeling, probably brought out of some deep fear of eventually not existing. I can imagine the last days of my life (if I know they're near) are probably going to be spent with me praying and repenting and stuff, because I'll want to continue living, and I'll be doing this out of fear. That's a prediction. I mean if I'm feeling "this can't be it" by this age in my life when I'm not even near death, I can't imagine how I'll be acting when it's right at my door step.

Hmmm not really sure what that paragraph is about. I don't think about death as much as I used to. Ummmmmm. Also I'm kinda realising that my blogs are very lame in some aspects. I mean the ones where I'm complaining about not creating. It's just funny that I spend all day on the internet and playing videogames or whatever, and then I write about how I'm not doing anything. It's entirely my fault. I guess I've never denied that it isn't my fault, but I could very easily create some stuff that I want to create. I think the main problem is that I have no idea how to go about recording music, which is the main endeavour I wanna persue. But I think I'm gonna spend the next few weeks trying to finish my cartoon. I got it like, 80% done, and then just stopped cos I'm stupid.

Some songs I've been hearing you should also hear if you haven't already:

Animal Collective - The Purple Bottle
The Constructus Corporation - Invisible Sentinels
Red House Painters - Have You Forgotten
Arcade Fire - Vampire/Forest Fire
My Bloody Valentine - I Can See It (But I Can't Feel It)

Nothing in Particular

2010-06-17T15:08:00.003+01:00

Rankings of some Games:

Bioshock: 9.5
Bioshock 2: 8.9
Final Fantasy 7: 10
Final Fantasy X: 9.7
Zelda: Majora's Mask: 10
Heavy Rain: 8.5

Note - none of these are new to me except Heavy Rain. Actually I wanna talk about that game a little bit more. Never have I felt so tense and nervous in a game. It's great. Actually, that's the problem with pretty much any horror game, once you die for the first time in the game, nothing is really scary anymore. Heavy Rain's different because dying doesn't mean finishing, it just means changing. You want to keep these characters alive, cos if you don't, they are dead. It's just a shame that, even with the amazingly wide variety of ways to change the story, it has basically no replay value for me for some reason (though maybe I'm basing that on me trying to get a certain ending twice in a row and the game crashing on me, twice. That sucks cos that almost never happens to me).

I also can't really ignore how the game play aspects for the action segments really are awful if you're honest with yourself, as in the sections that aren't puzzles or trying to make you make very hard moral choices (which are great). But at the same time, it doesn't matter that the game play aspect for those sections are awful because the cinematic aspect is still there, and great. I'm not exactly sure what I would change if I was in charge of making a sequel to this game (not a sequel plot wise, it could be a completely different setting and characters). I'd probably include less annoying controls for things like walking (and more exploring rather than strictly chapter based) which would in turn make more massive possible story variations.

In fact, this is why I love Majora's Mask so much, how you play the same 3 days over and over but can completely change the character's schedules. When you reunite an engaged couple, just 5 minutes before the moon crashes down and destroys the planet, and you basically have to "reset" time to save yourself from being crushed, it makes you mad, that you went through all of that for essentially nothing, because that damn skull kid was just about to destroy the planet and the people you helped, and it makes you much more motivated to complete the game. It's also funny, cos while I was playing that game, I was sometimes like "I wonder what so and so character in the game is up to now" as if they were real people. Though I should stress I'm probably making that aspect of people having their own schedules sound much more complex than it is (but the game did come out 10 years ago). I'm just annoyed nothing else has really come out like that since, because it was the most I've ever felt like something is a real place (and have a problem with things like GTA, because for such a vast place and all the people, they essentially amount to people you can kill or not kill).

And what's worse is when people say "Majora's Mask was great except that it had that 3 day thing". It's like saying "Majora's Mask was great except that part where you move around and play the game". It IS the game.

Video game talk; my blog has hit a new low. Oh no!

It's my birthday!

2010-06-09T04:53:00.001+01:00

Happy birthday me! I'm 18 now! Fuck yeah! Now I can be a person!

Me making plans

2010-06-07T21:26:00.003+01:00

Me making plans has basically no influence on whether I will do those things. That kinda sucks, probably. I think I have to be forced into doing things to well, actually do them (e.g THIS, though it is just a first draft, it's almost done). I'm actually amazed; I did about half of this cartoon in about a week, and the other half over around 2 months. I could probably get so much done but I just can't, for some reason. Maybe I just need a massive break from creating anything until it all becomes fun again, and motivation won't even be needed.

Writing this because seeing as I've finished school, it's meant to be time to make things and all that. Have done nothing. Haven't even picked up a guitar for a good while, and I usually do that out of habit, uh oh.

On the other hand, I have been watching lots of films and playing lots of games, which is great for me. I'm glad that I can finally enjoy games again, it's a good thing.

Art, flow

2010-05-22T21:45:00.003+01:00

That's it, basically. Now I just need to clear my locker, collect my portfolio, collect my yearbook and grades. Then I'll probably not ever set foot into school again. Done all the work I can do.

Now it's going to be an albeit small period in my life where I can absorb all the art I want with no restraints. That's a pointlessly weird way to put it, yes. I basically just mean that, for at least 3 months, I want to just read all the books, listen to all the music, watch all the films, play all the games that I've been wanting to play. With no worries. Of course, I say no worries, but I can't help but worry. I'll probably be thinking I'm wasting my time while I'm doing this. But I want to go into this and come out as a different person (well, in some aspects). I want to know what I've been missing in the world.

Feel free to recommend anything to me.

Pavement

2010-05-11T02:05:00.001+01:00

Best gig of my fucking LIFE.

This time of year

2010-05-06T00:03:00.000+01:00

This time of year looks nice. It's sunny and all that, sure. But I have a new appreciation for something new, probably exclusive to my room. At around 7pm, the sky turns really blue to the point where it gives things a tint, and it comes in through my window and looks nice. I also turn on my lamp (cos it's a little dark) and then the yellow mixes with the blue and yeah. Then I play guitar. This has pretty much been my routine for this week, and it's pretty enjoyable. Atmosphere does make a difference.

Despite this, this time of the year always saddens me... I have a longing for it to keep going on. The thing is, I constantly feel like I have unfinished business. I feel like I haven't done what I should have where I am, I feel like I haven't done what I should have with who I'm with. And to have it be forced away from you, man, it upsets me. It's like giving up on a painting you've been tweaking for the past 4 years, or something. I'm not sure how long it would take with me staying where I am to feel like I've done all I can; maybe it'd never come. Maybe it's just something about the way my mind works that prevents me from moving away from things easily.

But sometimes it's good to just step back and call it a day. Or a year, or 4.

Time, you're kind of a bitch

2010-05-04T22:59:00.003+01:00

The worst thing about making lists is how they can completely change within a month or 2. Despite that, I'm writing another one. I call it "Top 10 Things". It is the top 10 best things that exist on this Earth (or have existed, I guess).

Here are some links, because I'm tired of staying in the dark:

Facebook fan page for my music (would definitely appreciate you joining)

Um, what else to link that's related to me? I guess there isn't anything.

Alien Blogato: A Short History

2010-05-01T13:32:00.000+01:00

I've been neglecting this thing probably more than ever, so it's time to write.

I've realised that I spend a hell of a lot of time documenting things in my life (this blog is just one of the many methods.) But it's weird how much I can write and get from the smallest of things. I'm probably marvelling more at how verbose I can be sometimes. I spent about 60% of this blog just talking about music and art, and it was usually the same subjects about both. I think me wanting to steer away from getting repetitive is keeping me from writing, and I also used to be a lot more open in this thing when I knew that only Anthony and Dom read it.

But about documenting stuff... I have a fear, or well, a massive "want" to not forget anything in my life, no matter how small. Weird eh? That isn't the reason I started blogging though, I think I started (this was on MySpace by the way, in 2006) because Anthony was doing his daily blogs. But it was sometime in 2008 when I was reading over those old entries, and there were so many memories that I'd just completely forgotten about. Reading them all was so much fun, nostalgic etc. I guess that made me just want to continue, though I've definitely had a massive shift in tone over the years. I think this was brought on by when I thought all my MySpace friends read my blog, to when I thought basically no one read it. It turned into less of a diary of what I did, into what I thought. I guess it's just nice to remember that each day isn't a meaningless blur, and things actually happened.

Short history of this thing. Quite weird that it's almost been up 2 1/2 years now.

I have made another song

2010-04-30T20:44:00.001+01:00

Time Had Found Us. It's a folk song this time.

Sorry for the pathetic update. Proper blogs will come soon.

Things that suck

2010-04-17T23:06:00.002+01:00

When you're angry at people who've done absolutely nothing wrong, and you know they've done nothing wrong. It just sucks. You kind of have to hide that you're angry, because you know that there's no excuse for it. It's just...being completely unhappy with a situation, but you can't blame a situation. They don't exist, in a tangible way. So you have to blame someone, but all the people involved haven't done anything wrong. Then why is everything so fucking not right?

Sorry for being mega vague. I just hadn't blogged in a while so...I guess it's something. I should also add that I feel mega uncomfortable having this blog advertised on my Facebook and msn display name now, so I will be removing them. I mean, it was nice when all I wrote about was music, but I feel I can't write about myself anymore.

Public Transport Heroes

2010-03-20T13:43:00.000Z

I'm not usually one to call people heroes, but I'm not usually one to write about heroes either. Let's begin!

Guy 1

Chain smoking man who looks like the bum from The Simpsons who actually created Itchy and Scratchy, though he doesn't actually look like he's homeless. Once came up to me and said "Everyone's dead, aren't they?" and I replied with "I guess so", to which he thanked me and put his hand on my shoulder before walking off. He pretty much walks in circles while waiting for the bus, and everyone ignores him, so I think he appreciates it when people don't. He's usually complaining about something no one really understands, as in literally it'd be like "the bus doesn't care about us" and things like that.

Guy 2

Probably my favourite one of all. He's deaf, looks about 50, and always pulls this face:

He usually greets me by poking his head in front of my face, then backing off and out stretching a hand, which I shake. He also usually tells me to take off my headphones by signalling him pulling something out of his ear, which I used to then follow, but now I just keep them on because he's deaf so he never talks or anything anyway. But yeah, the first time meeting him, he sat next to me on the bus, did the usual stuff except that when he got off, he rubbed my neck to say goodbye. So far all these bus people seem to like rubbing necks and shoulders and things.

Guy 3

This guy isn't actually a bus person, therefore there's no rubbing involved (that's my conclusion anyway). I met him on the train, and he said in a very loud and slightly slurred voice (maybe drunk) "Alright man? Nice hair cut" and I replied with "thanks". He then said to me "heading Victoria?", to which I replied "Yeah uh, this train's going to Caterham". This is funny cos it's like...complete opposite directions. It's like getting north and south mixed up. When I'd revealed that to him, he said "I hate Caterham.", but stayed where he was.

He then kept talking to me, and I had to keep taking my headphones off etc. He asked me if there was a Sainsburys near where I was going, and I said "I'm not sure, but there's a Tesco", and that seemed to anger him for some reason. He got off without saying bye.

:'(

On a final note I get frustrated seeing really beautiful girls on public transport on the way home or whatever. I dunno, there's something about the fact that I probably won't ever see them again that saddens me, which is very weird. Must be some weird instinct, I'm not really sure. Oops.

Other News

My first gig, a Beatles cover gig on a barge, is finally underway. Whoa, a Facebook event page. It's gonna be pretty cool and stuff, and everyone should come. Well, not everyone...that'd suck. We'd probably all die.

It's just a part of me, I guess

2010-03-08T02:34:00.000Z

Note: this blog was originally written on the 11th of October 2009, but I just found it recently and it's quite coherent, so here you go:

So I've been listening to and watching some great stand up routines recently. A lot of George Carlin, and Bill Hicks's stand up album "Rant in E minor" (courtesy of Bown). Extremely funny and clever stuff, even if I don't agree with everything said, it's just so well delivered and makes me think. It's weird, because "comedy" and "making me think" aren't usually things that I associate with each other; I usually watch comedy with intentions opposite to this (just to relax myself and laugh a lot, etc).

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but the thing is that I realised (note: I have known this for a long time) that both Bill Hicks and George Carlin are dead.

What the hell is it with me and dead people?

I sometimes wonder if I'm just naturally attracted to dead entertainers, but this isn't the case because half of the dead entertainers of all kinds that I love, I didn't know were dead when I got into them. This includes Elliott Smith, Nick Drake, Mute, Michael Jackson (because I liked him before he died). So I've concluded that: people that are destined to die just have better things to say. Actually, that's a shit conclusion, because everyone is destined to die (George Carlin wasn't exactly young when he died).

I guess it's just a coincidence, or it's just an unexplained part of me...

...

Or maybe, I'm a fan of many more living entertainers than dead ones, so fuck everything I've ever said.

This isn't a very good blog.

What Would I Want? Sky

2010-03-05T19:21:00.002Z

1.

I got into Animal Collective incredibly slowly, taking me about half a year to get around to having the opinion of them being a very good band that deserve their acclaim. But I've just had something that could be equated to some weird kind of epiphany, a realisation of "this is one of the best things I've ever heard in my life" from my first listen of the song "What Would I Want? Sky". There's something about this that captures something, and I'm not sure what. Almost a sonic representation of imagination being restrained by reality, or something. It's just fucking great, so:

Listen Here

I want to make music like these guys now, but I don't know the first thing about going about doing so. It seems like a pretty production heavy job.

2.

I've come to the realization that video games, as a medium, get me more involved then pretty much any other artistic medium. This isn't on average, I should make clear. Most video games are a "past time to blow a few hours" type of thing, or having fun with friends. However, there are few, extremely few, games that actually get very deep responses from me. Off the top of my head: Zelda: Majora's Mask, Final Fantasy 7 and 10...and I can't think of any others that have got me quite as involved. But when they manage to create an entirely believable world around you that you're interacting with...it can't really be matched, in a way. A very primitive version of a medium that, when mastered, will transcend being a game, and an entirely interactive experience built around a person's choices.

But that won't be for a while.

3.

I've got loads and loads of blog drafts stored up. Expect another blog soon akin to this one, which in case you can't tell, is lots of blog snippets that I never got round to finishing/publishing. I'd add dates to the next ones I do, though.

Make or Break

2010-03-02T06:12:00.000Z

It's only just struck me that this decade is the one where I'll completely become an adult. I realised this when my friend Zak asked me what my plans were for the decade, and I started to think of recent things before realising I have 10 years left, not 10 months. My immediate thoughts were what I want to achieve by the end of the year, but by the time this decade ends, I'll be 27 years old. Some people I know at school will be months away from 30. It's actually shocking what 10 years actually is. I remember the person I was at the beginning of 2000, and to think that he's the same distance away from me as the 27 year old version of me is down right weird. By the end of this decade I could have children, or have gotten married, or be famous. This is the decade where everything is technically meant to happen.

But I hope writing that paragraph hasn't set me up for some horrible failure that results from making goals out of everything. Wouldn't be a problem at all if I achieved them.

I haven't climbed any trees for a while

2010-02-28T18:08:00.004Z

Around the ages of 10 - 12, I used to love climbing trees in the park with friends, sometimes to the point where it's ridiculously high, like maybe twice as high as an average house, and we climbed from the very bottom. Thinking about this now makes me sit in disbelief that I actually used to do this, and at that age. I could have died so, so easily; I wasn't exactly wearing a harness, and even getting down was a challenge. And yet, I was never even nearly scared or doubtful that I should do it. Is it because of little kiddy stupidity, or because all my friends were doing it? Imagining my parents seeing me doing that makes me feel dreadful, because if I had children and saw them climbing to the very top of ginormous trees like that, I'd be terrified.

I don't think there'd be a greater pain than losing your own children. Unless you're an asshole parent who's all "whatever", then I guess it's not so bad. Maybe it's a relief.

The stupidity that goes with defending something that isn't based on appearance: Episode 1

2010-02-28T16:33:00.001Z

Isn't annoying how if you defend gay rights (and are straight), you have to start it with things like "I'm not gay, but" just so that people don't question your sexuality, and even then they still might. The stupidity that goes with defending something that isn't based on appearance, they'll just try to not count your opinion by saying "you're one of them!" like some weird witch hunt, or something.

Waiting for Things to Mean Nothing, Waiting for Things to Happen

2010-02-22T21:02:00.001Z

Sometimes songs are annoyingly perfect in what they achieve. I mean, if I ever wanted to write a song about similar sentiments, I just wouldn’t be able to match it. For example, the line “If I could be who you wanted, all the time” from the Radiohead song “Fake Plastic Trees” pretty much perfectly encompasses so many situations I’ve been in my life, and the way they’re so meekly said at the end. Such perfect words make me wish they were my own. It’s annoying when you find the perfect thing to say, but can’t really say it.

On another note, I'm really annoyed with myself lately. I've gotten to that stage in my life where all the problems that seem to be occurring or that aren't being solved are pretty much just because of myself. Refusing to act, setting ridiculous goals in the last minute that I know I won't be able to achieve. For example, I was given the weekend to finish my print making book. It's 2:52am on Monday, and I still haven't even opened it. Why am I doing this to myself? I can't figure out why, why procrastination is such an overwhelming force.

I haven't been writing in this blog recently, despite having plenty to talk about. It's because, over the last 2 months, I've been writing in my diary again. It's nice being able to write with absolutely no restraints in what I can or can't say, and I find it so much easier to write page after page when I'm in this frame of mind. So, in short, it's a little weird writing in this again. It's as if I've spent loads of time out stretching my legs, and have now gone back into a box. But this box is still fucking awesome, don't get me wrong.

Anyway: about the diary. I've had this since I was 13 years old, and started writing in it during the upcoming weeks where I knew I was going to be leaving school. I think this is why I've picked it up again, because school is going to end in...I'm not sure exactly how long, but I think in around 2 months. I'll be permanently departing from the place that I'd have been at for 4 years. That's what I was talking about when I said "setting ridiculous goals in the last minute that I know I won't be able to achieve". I feel there's so much to do, I was meant to have recorded a demo acoustic album to hand out by the end of this year, I was meant to have gotten over my weird social anxiety issues, I was meant to have a clear direction in my head of what exactly I want to pursue in my life (actually, I should rephrase that. I know what I want, just not how to get there).

I feel I need to do this now (specifically the album thing) because I'll never be seeing more than 90% of these people again, and I want to make something to be remembered by, that someone can take with them. I'll have to build social circles completely from scratch, something that I found hard when I first came to this school. I'm also having a gap year (if I go to university at all) and I can see my life completely diminishing around me without the social aspects of school or university life.

I still have good plans for that year, that I'm excited for. Me and Anthony are finally going to get Caged Monkey off of the ground, for one thing. We have so many ridiculous plans for this website, and it's gonna be great when we finally have it fully up and running. It'll be a site that'll have various flash cartoons (good ones), and also the Wobbly Bollock Podcast will move here. The website in of itself is planned to be a giant fun zone in various ways, but you'll just have to wait and see what we have planned.

Seeing as this blog is quickly just turning into an advertisement about loads of things that haven't seen the light of day, I'll also just say that I'm being involved in 2 shows at the moment. The first is a pretty big art show in East London, at a place called The Rag factory. Whoa, a Facebook event page! The 2nd thing is my first ever gig, that will be on the 14th of April at a place called Battersea Barge. There's no event page yet, but there will be this week, for all those who care.

That's probably enough. Started good, and just dissolved into boring stuff. Sorry.

Just thoughts and things

2010-02-11T23:52:00.002Z

This was written on the 10th of January, but I didn't post it cos I wanted to get the 90s albums out of the way.

You know that feeling where you say something really stupid, and then you look back and think “Oh man, why did I say that?”? Let’s start with one of those:

I was with my friend Dean standing outside school the other week, in the snow. A man in a suit and holding a suitcase came out and walked past us, and then stopped when we made eye contact. “Enjoy being at this school?” he asked, and by now we realised that he was probably some guy who came to review it, like from Ofsted or someone like that. Dean said something like “Sure do, it’s great.”, and I said “Uh yeah, echoing what he said”. He then asked us if it met our expectations, and I said “I didn’t have any expectations”. I really do suck at talking sometimes.

In other news (as previously implied, and that pretty much everyone reading this should know) it’s been snowing a lot recently, enough for my dad to denounce global warming / climate change as a myth, a government conspiracy relating to oil. An excuse for them to severely raise the prices, if you will. The thing is, when he always (and I mean always) says this stuff, I’m thinking in my head “what a bunch of bullshit” when I shouldn’t, really. No, I’m not saying that global warming is a hoax, but I’m saying that I haven’t researched into global warming at all, and I mean literally at all. I’ve realised that I’ve immediately accepted the status quo of “Global warming is happening” pretty much just through adverts for turning the lights off when you leave the room.

It’s just the fact that most people’s reasoning for it being a hoax is “LOOK, SNOW!” and that makes me go “ugh”.

Update about this: Zak told me that my dad was saying all this to him the other day when he dropped him back to his house. Amazing stuff.

I’ve realised one of my least favourite things is seeing people, who were famous while beautiful and young, being old. It’s because my brain usually automatically and subconsciously applies traits to young people, and then seeing an old person that is in fact the same person as that young person just confuses me, and my brain can’t accept that they’re the same person because I see them so differently. I sometimes wonder if this’ll ever happen with friends that I grow old with (I better fucking grow old with at least some of my friends) but then think that because life is so gradual* it won’t make any big difference.

*depending how you look at it. Most of the time it’s considered too fast.

But then you could argue that as you get older, the previous “you” just dies, so they’re not the same person anyway. It’s an odd way of looking at it but I dunno, it seems pretty true.

Top 10 Albums of the 90s

2010-02-08T12:07:00.007Z

Hello again, friends. It's time for another list, seeing as my music related one got me a decent amount of views, and a few new followers on the right there -> (and for the first time, followers that I don't even know, which is awesome). This time it's the 90s, probably the decade I'm best acquainted with for music. As a result I'm doing this in terms of albums, a slightly harder ordeal, not just in difficulty making a list, but in difficulty actually writing about them. I tell you, there's so much to say, and trying to narrow it down to a few paragraphs explaining my thoughts and how it's changed how I see music etc, not an easy task. Keep that in mind, please!

Hopefully this'll be a small reminder to a spare few that the 90s wasn't just the further decline of mainstream pop music to an extent, and still had some really really fucking awesome stuff that stands up to any other decade.

10. Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

Ah, In the Aeroplane Over the Sea, the album that divides one of my social circles clean in two. Some people see this as God's gift to music and the human race, perfection in the form of an album. Some people definitely not called Adam have bought this album more times than they've had hot dinners. Others, however, see this album as overrated and nothing at all worth mentioning in a list such as this, but still kinda ok. My feelings on this album? It's pretty god damn great, but I can see why some people would be underwhelmed.

If you look at things like the chord sequence of the opening track King of Carrot Flowers, Pt 1 it's just 3 pretty basic chords cycled throughout the song. But the production of the acoustic guitar (so thick) and the near perfect and hilarious lyrics make this and the next track one of the best 2 part album openers ever, and Two Headed Boy, Pt 2, is one of the saddest and appropriate closers I've ever heard.

The strength in this album lies in Mangum's lyrics rather than anything I can objectively explain about the musicality of a lot of these tracks (except Untitled, which I can explain as being a fucking awesome curve ball thrown out of left field), because for some reason it manages not to matter. It's easy to see it as slightly unremarkable, but occasionally it'll hit you just right and knock you onto the floor, and you'll remember why it's acclaimed so.

Stand Out Tracks:

Two Headed Boy, Pt 2
King of Carrot Flowers, Pt 1
King of Carrot Flowers, Pts 2 & 3

9. The Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream

I had Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness for about a year and a half before I got this album. With Mellon Collie, I found that the more lush, beautiful tracks such as the title track and "Tonight, Tonight" were much better than most of the hard rock stuff, like "Zero". This album is almost all hard rock numbers...but they're all completely fucking awesome. If I ever want to rock out, I just put on this album and go silly to Cherub Rock. By the time I get to the quiet multilayered clean guitars in the last 2 minutes of the anthemic Hummer, I feel like I'm in a perfect place. The line "I wanna go home" in Spaceboy, not by the line itself, but the way it's sung so longingly makes you feel Corgans alienation.

It's hard to exactly pin point where the Pumpkins peaked, because they've made at least 1 or 2 great tracks even in their darkest periods. But this is definitely them at their most consistent, pumping out the most gold of any of their other albums. Sitting through this in one listen isn't only easy, it's a pleasure.

Stand out tracks:

Hummer
Cherub Rock
Spaceboy

8. Pavement - Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain

This was my introduction to Pavement. After listening to Cut Your Hair on repeat for days, I had to buy "Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain" when I saw it in HMV, staring at me seductively in that way only albums can.

From the get go, it's astounding. Silence Kid (yes, Kid, not Kit, you fuckers) is the perfect sound of a band starting up, getting ready, and then jamming to perfection, flowing seamlessly into track two's Elevate Me Later. The album remarkably churns out pop masterpieces at an astonishing rate. Lyrically, this album's a strange one. The lyrics a lot of the time by themselves aren't anything particularly special, but in the context of the songs, they fit perfectly for reasons I can't explain.

And then we get to that closer. That perfect, perfect album closer, Fillmore Jive, consisting of maybe the best 6 minute jam ever. "Round and round and round and round she goes" sends shivers up and down my spine every time I hear it, and I always have to pause it just after the song ends so I can bathe in awed silence after what I just heard. This is the indie rock kid's musical bible, and for good reason.

Stand out tracks:

Fillmore Jive
Silence Kid
Heaven is a Truck (hugely underrated)
Cut Your Hair

7. Red House Painters - Red House Painters (Rollercoaster)

The album on the list that I've had most difficulty placing. I think that if each song was as good as the 5 stand out tracks I've listed, it'd probably be number 1 or 2 on this list. The music here is seriously the most honest and pain painstakingly real stuff I've heard in a long time, subjects such as the horrible regret of having a violent past or the feeling of a memory that you long for that you'll never get to experience again, and that one in particular hits me pretty hard.

It's inconsistent though, a trait that hasn't helped a lot of Red House Painters albums. But what's good, is perfect. And by perfect, I seriously mean the epitome of what music like this should strive to be like. Brown Eyes could have taken over the world, and Katy Song could have made it weep.

Stand out tracks:

Brown Eyes
Katy Song
Down Through
Grace Cathedral Park
Rollercoaster

6. Sigur Rós - Ágætis byrjun

Magical. Just really, seriously magical, a journey in the form of music. The beautiful Intro suddenly plunges you hundreds fathoms below the ocean in Svefn-g-englar, with a submarine in the distance. What's really amazing about this band is just the effort they'll go into to create these sound scapes. The feeling of massive underwater caverns and an almost mutant whale is created through the brilliant use of a bow and an electric guitar, rather than, I dunno, sampling a sound of a whale.

The reason I'm mentioning the astonishing atmosphere created in this record is due to this element being, in part, not as explored or as well executed nearly as much in their later records. This is Sigur Rós at their prime, pushing them up and above other bands known for doing long orchestral songs, and into something else entirely. But it's also important to note that the record isn't just a whole bunch of atmosphere with some music on the side, the song writing itself is also incredible and powerful, and Jónsi is one of the most original vocalists ever.

I also think that it deserves to be mentioned that Viðrar vel til loftárása is better than any other song on any other of the albums on this list. I think it was the first song I properly really just outright weeped to.

Stand out tracks:

Viðrar vel til loftárása
Svefn-g-englar
Ágætis byrjun

5. Elliott Smith - XO

XO marks the end of the indie "do it yourself" albums of the majority of Smith's 90s career. After he was signed to Dream Works, with it came the budget starving artists dream of. There were fears that having this opportunity would ruin everything that was Elliott Smith, which was (as previously mentioned) "do it yourself" acoustic arrangements that spoke directly from the soul. Luckily these fears were quickly and stylishly extinguished with the opening track Sweet Adeline, with it's transition from intimate acoustic goodness to an explosive ensemble of a full band set up. Rather than being filled with a "good grief, what has he done?" doubt upon listening, it's more of a "this is fucking awesome, I could get used to this" kind of feeling.

Hell, in some ways, this album could be argued to be even more intimate than his previous works. I Didn't Understand, a song consisting of a choir of him and over dubs of his voice, shows him at his most open, with nothing, not even instruments, separating him from the listener. The song Independence Day is possibly the greatest song of his whole career (strange, because it was only added to the album in the last minute). Waltz #1 probably creates the most vivid imagery of any Elliott Smith song, at least for me. It's like ghosts ballroom dancing, and it's beautiful.

This album's important to showcase that just because an indie artist signs onto a major label, it doesn't mean that they've lost their soul. Or, at least, it doesn't have to. The main thing this probably meant to Elliott was that he could finally quit playing every instrument himself.

Stand out tracks:

Independence Day
Sweet Adeline
Waltz #1
Oh Well, Okay
I Didn't Understand

4. Radiohead - Ok Computer

I remember the first time ever hearing anything off of Ok Computer. It was when In Rainbows was first announced (but not released), and a forum I frequent was pretty much going nuts with excitement. I decided to see what the big deal was with this "Radiohead", so off I ventured onto youtube to listen to a random song. It ended up being Paranoid Android, and I was pretty much blown away from the get go.

I spent the following weeks listening to Ok Computer over and over again via MySpace (oh, those were the days), amazed that rock music could sound this perfect. All the different parts coming together, yet sounding completely, for lack of a better word, tight. I'd never paid much attention to things like how fucking great the bass can be in songs, like Air Bag, even when it's subtle and not completely in your face. I think this might have been the first incredible album I ever listened to.

In truth, the placing of this album in the list suffers a little because I've had this for longer than any other album by a decent margin, so it's worn slightly thin. It probably deserves the number 1 spot for context, in that it pretty much encompasses 90s technology paranoia perfectly, while the others aren't exactly era specific.

And yet, this album is a complete oxymoron in that despite what I said about it encompassing the 90s, it feels like the subject matter being talked about is happening right here, right now. Almost a prediction, a look into the future. This album makes me feel that Thom Yorke was onto something we weren't aware of.

Stand out tracks:

Paranoid Android
The Tourist
No Surprises

3. Jeff Buckley - Grace

Jeff Buckley is kind of an enigma to me. He came out of nowhere, released 1 near perfect album, and before anyone knows, he died. In ways, his death upsets me more than with any other artist, because we saw so little, and it was so shockingly good. If he was to improve from album to album in the way that, say, Radiohead improved after Pablo Honey, I'm pretty certain he could've taken over the music industry.

It's easy to remember Buckley simply as that guy with the (absolutely fucking incredible) voice, or the guy who did the amazing cover of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah, because both of those things are entirely true. But what's easy to overlook are his strengths as a song writer, the consistency of his songs, and how well his personality translated into his work. The songs here are some of the greatest ever, whether they're sweet and sombre, or completely otherworldy.

Grace is the best debut album I've ever heard from any artist, bar none. He's critically acclaimed and reguarded as a legend by a large number of people, all because of this, and thank fuck that we have it.

Stand out tracks:

Mojo Pin
So Real
Last Goodbye
Almost every damn one (note: not an actual song title)

2. The Dismemberment Plan - Emergency & I

This album does something which no other album in this list does (even number 1), which is to remain completely 100% stellar throughout. There are no dips, there is no "best part" and "worst part". Every song, every damn one, is essential to this album.

The musings Travis Morrison gives on this album manage to be both pressed into reality and the super natural. You are Invited, a song about a guy going to a bunch of parties, while simultaneously being about a super natural VIP card to get into anywhere on Earth, is a brilliant example (along with being a perfect song). The City, a song seemingly about how where you live doesn't make it your home, and if someone important is missing it can completely change the feel of a place, is beautiful. Memory Machine, a song about a machine that can "wash away the grief" of the human race, is crazy, brief, and incredible.

I wish more bands would throw songs about nuking the whole of planet earth just to fucking "kick start something" into an album, and then end on a sentimental song about when music hits you just right, and all the memories it brings up. Always shifting, never clashing. That's something you've got to get used to when listening to the Plan.

Stand out tracks (Like I said before, literally every damn one, but uh):

Memory Machine
The City
Back and Forth

1. Elliott Smith - Either/Or

Once again, I've failed in the last minute at not including 2 albums from the same artist. I gotta say, I gave the idea of putting "Emergency & I" at number 1 a lot more thought than I imagined I would, but in the end I had to be honest with myself; this album really does everything it tried to do perfectly.

I remember, once a long time ago, I was reading a list of the top 10 saddest songs ever. Number 1 was "Elliott Smith - Discography", which admittedly I chuckled at, though I wondered what he would have thought about it. It's a pet peeve for me when people refer to emotional works as being "sad". In fact, the whole correlation between emotional works equalling only sadness annoys me. A more accurate description would be real.

Between the Bars, a fan favourite, and a love song from the perspective of a beer bottle and the comfort it gives you, how it keeps the people you don't want to be still while you find that brief moment of bliss, while still having that element of oblivion, almost like you're being tricked. It isn't just "a love song", or "a sad song". You don't know what it is other than beautiful. When Elliott talks about losing a girlfriend that showed him the light after what seemed like an eternity of 1 night stands in Say Yes, he does so with an optimism that's incredibly sweet. "Situations get fucked up, but turn around sooner or later" is probably the line that most effectively encompasses what the song is about. It's more of a "Things may seem bad now, but they'll get better. I'm glad I got to experience this moment" song than what you'd expect it to be like, given the subject matter.

What makes this album better than Emergency & I, Ok Computer, Grace, or his other outstanding album in this list (XO)? Well, the other albums are master pieces composed and arranged with utmost perfection, ready to take on the world. Either/Or, however, feels like it was made in secret. Every word, every chord, every note, every instrument (literally) him and him alone. The fact that there were 12 (and probably loads, loads more that I don't know about) other songs made from these sessions that weren't released until a decade later makes you realise just how lucky it is that this hasn't gone unheard.

Music made with no one to please, yet managing to be perfect. This is something you feel is lucky that it actually exists.

Stand out Tracks:

No Name No. 5
Say Yes
Between The Bars

Here are some other strong contenders that didn't quite make it:

The Dismemberment Plan - The Dismemberment Plan Is Terrified
My Bloody Valentine - Loveless
Red House Painters - Down Colourful Hill
Elliott Smith - Elliott Smith
Elliott Smith - Roman Candle
Radiohead - The Bends
Bj örk - Homogenic
Boards of Canada - Music has the Right to Children
DJ Shadow - Endtroducing
The Flaming Lips - The Soft Bulletin
Heatmiser - Mic City Sons
Jeff Buckley - Sketches for My Sweetheart the Drunk
Michael Jackson - Dangerous
Portishead - Dummy
The Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness

What's to come: top 10 songs of the 90s, top 10 albums of the 2000s, and I might try tackling other decades as well. However, before I do those, I'll probably get back into proper blogging. Y'know, the stuff I write about that I'm too embarrassed about to post links to on Facebook, unlike these lists. I even manage to make these too personal, though.

That's everything. Questions? Complaints (GRR!)? Feel free to leave me a comment. Be as anonymous as you like, if that's your thing.

I make music too

2010-01-28T18:30:00.002Z

Click here.

Listen to The Floating World demo, as it's the most recent one.

2010

2010-01-16T00:38:00.003Z

I just remembered that it's already a new decade, and I haven't made a blog. I entered the decade watching fireworks on tv, and not drunk. I was with friends though, which was nice at least. Man, I can't really think of what to write. I guess to be expected would be a summary of 2009, and well, it was ok but mostly shit, even with celebrity plague aside. The only good things I can really think of are:

Became much better friends with Dean and Sandford, and others too.
Created Wobbly Bollock Podcast, which is really fun to do.
Enhanced my musical palette by a lot, which I'll continue to do throughout this year.
Got better at music, and actually created some half decent music which was a first.

For once, towards the end of the year was actually better than towards the beginning of the year. Is this a sign that 2010 will be good? The answer is maybe.

Top 10 songs of the 2000s

2009-12-22T07:26:00.005Z

So What is this List?

You might be wondering whether this list is meant to be objective, a list of the most influential songs of the decade, or just my personal favourite. The answer is the latter with a sprinkle of the former. I've tried keeping it to just 1 song per artist, and not to have many songs there simply for the fact that I enjoy them, but in the end, it's just the songs from this decade that I've fallen in love with, and what more can you really expect? Think of it as a "songs you really should check out", if you will. As a result, most of what I've actually written about the songs is purely my experience with it, but yeah. On with the show:

10. Lisa Hannigan - Ocean and a Rock

Lisa Hannigan is a puzzling woman, in that I can't decide whether she's amazing or just good. I love her only album "Sea Sew", and seeing her live in a church was probably my favourite gig I've been to.

Yet, I find it very hard to exactly get across why she's relevant or anything special to other people. I still don't have an answer except that, well, just listen. It's instantly accesible, and incredibly sweet, pop. It's the kind of song you'd sing to someone who you are in love with, but already knows you love them. A love song without sadness, longing, regret, questions. An invitation to get lost together, and nothing more. What a way to start an album.

9. Burial - In McDonalds

The sounds of abandonment, of a memory you can't quite remember. Samples are perfectly used to create a soundscape of thought. Ending the song on a ghostly "you look different", which still sounds the most like it's actually been said and isn't an echo (possibly to imply that it isn't just a memory) is perfect.

I admit to not being a huge fan of Burial's "Untrue" album. The textures and the atmosphere created were near perfect, but I felt like every song never really escaped his formula, often feeling like simply backbones. In McDonalds was the exception.

8. The Flaming Lips - One More Robot/Sympathy 3000-21

I first came across this band (properly) while listening to my reccommended music station on last.fm, and on came this song. I was happy as fuck. The repetetive bassline going on entirely through the right channel, like you're trapped in a machine fully in motion with the different parts all going on at once, that bass being the heartbeat. And then, without even noticing, it flourishes into a beautiful and organic symphony at the end, fully realising the theme of it being something more than a machine, something with emotions. It does what it does perfectly.

7. Animal Collective - In the Flowers

I got into Animal Collective for pretty shallow reasons. I'm pretty sure my only justification was "lots of Radiohead fans like them" (talking about the atease message boards). I'd heard "My Girls" once before on youtube out of interest, and it didn't really do anything for me (my opinion has since changed on this matter.) I was at HMV when I saw this album. It was mainly the optical illusion cover that grabbed my eye, and I quickly thought to myself "Oh yeah, this is that band that's apparently really great. Checking it out won't kill me, I guess".

Sat home listening to it, and was a few minutes into the first track. I thought it sounded pretty cool, then BOOM. In comes the loud, incredible wake up call, sounding similar to a futuristic irish folk song (at least to me), in addition to a fun polyrhythm. I actually wanted to get up and dance. Probably one of the most perfect album openers ever recorded.

6. Portishead - The Rip

Are the sounds a contrast of old and new? It starts with a "worble" reminding us of the sound of a 40s science fiction movie. You then wonder if those guitar notes of the first half are played in that half muted "I wasn't holding the strings down on the fret hard enough" way on purpose, or for some kind of confusing effect... or just to contrast the pristine computerized synthy second half of this near perfect song. Then you realise it doesn't matter, because it sounds so good anyway.

5. Radiohead - How to Disappear Completely

Ah, How to Disappear Completely and never be found, a guide on how to fade into obscurity. Thank god Thom Yorke didn't follow his own advice (or Michael Stipe's) when making this record.

Listening to this song while on the go is always an experience. If, for whatever reason, you want to feel secluded, like you're not at one with the world, like it's happening to everyone else but you, then listen to this song while in a crowded place. You'll get that crippling alienation that you are just looking at people through glass. A pointless endeavour unless you're in a bad situation and feel like you need to get away from your fellow man and your life, which this song was designed for. It'll probably just end up depressing you to hell, though.

4. Arcade Fire - In the Back Seat

Oh man. This song hits you, it really does. The rest of the album to me, almost feels like a triumphant escape, a rush of euphoria from that feeling of "we're actually going to do this". You know what I mean, I'm sure.

But this song, it's like a memory. The childish piano melody. In a car at night, driving on a highway with heavy rain outside. You're safe, you're being taken care of. Then, at around the "Alice died" line, the regret crashes into you. You long for the days of being able to not worry, to not be as independent as you've just battled for. The strings are pretty, while also being eery and frightening. They're a reminder of happiness and past times, and also regret. Not the regret that lingers in your mind, the regret you get from being a coward. When the song kicks off, this regret is screaming "what have I done?", and screaming it loud.

3. Sigur Rós - Svo Hljótt

I'll be honest, I put another Sigur Rós song here at first, Viðrar vel til loftárása from the album Ágætis byrjun. I only removed it when remembering that it was infact originally released in 1999, with only it's American and UK releases in 2000 (which is why so many other music publications include it). However, this isn't to say that this song isn't just as deserving for this list.

The first time hearing this song was one of the best of my life. I remember a friend being round while I just played this song to him, while all we did was sit and listen, in silence (well, besides the music playing). I'm not sure if I've ever done this with another song, especially strange considering it's over 7 minutes long.

I always find it hard to talk about songs that aren't in english. Do I just talk about the imagery I see? Doing that makes me thing of the type of thing a psychiatrist would practice, as if it's more of an exploration of me than the song. So I'll just say this: It's pure euphoria, and I wanted to tell everyone about it. I'd never heard a song like this, the progression is similar to a build up of going up on a rollercoaster and getting excited, and then falling into the ride of your life.

2. Elliott Smith - A Distorted Reality is Now a Necessity to be Free

Oh man. Probably the saddest song I've ever come across; the ultimate anthem for helplessness. I think the title itself pretty much conveys the meaning of the song perfectly, but the song says more than this. There's a sense of disappointment with the world, asking why it's gotten this way. What's even sadder, which is uncommon for Smith's sad songs, is that rather than focusing on seclusion, it's asking for help. "Shine on me". It's helpless because he can't do a thing to stop it besides attempt to make reality seem different.

When it gets to that ending. Oh, that ending. The choir of Smith's vocals, fading out one by one until it's left with that one, frail "mmm" which also cracks off, as if defeated, only followed by a 10 or so more seconds of fading guitar and piano. It's sad because it's real. It makes me want to sit in silence, just thinking. The "mmm" is the single most evocative thing I've heard. How'd he do that?

1. Radiohead - Pyramid Song

I know, I said I had to limit it to one song per artist, but I realised I had to make an exception during the middle of my list. I remember when I was only really just getting into Radiohead, and I'd ordered the albums Kid A and Amnesiac online. After neither of them arriving for a week, I spent an ICT lesson pretty much solely listening to this song on repeat via youtube, with the worst earphones ever.

I remember for the first 5 listens or so, this song meant only one thing to me; the song with the funny time signature (which turns out to be just 4/4). I paid so much attention to the timing itself that the song always flew by me. I always wondered if this was intentional, to make this song feel like a puzzle.

Eventually, every part of the song managed to hit me simultaneously. I imagined myself floating down a river on my back, not knowing where I'm going. It's all a bit hazy, like a dream. Images of a sandy pink come to mind. Then, somehow without noticing the transition, I'm in space, floating past nebulas and stars and planets and I'm not alone, even though I don't see anyone else. I'm there, I'm where I want to be, and there's nothing that can ruin it.

Imagine my surprise when I got home to find the album it's on, waiting for me in my room, telling me to listen to it. It's very convincing. This is more than the best song of the decade.

Long Painting

2009-12-13T04:01:00.009Z

What's that, another blog with hardly any words at all? Hooray!

Not that this will get it anymore viewers, but

2009-11-15T23:48:00.001Z

www.wobblybollock.blogspot.com

Always wondered

2009-10-24T22:28:00.002+01:00

Why is it so hard to tell that you're in a dream when you're dreaming?

Do you ever have dreams, and in those dreams, everything around you will change; the surroundings, the people you're interacting with, the time period, and hell, even the person who you are might completely change in an instant.

And yet you don't notice it at all?

You only realise once you wake up and think back on the dream. A particular one I'm thinking of is one where it started out as me staying the night at Dexter's house from Dexter's lab. Over the course of the dream, Dexter had turned into one of my friends, and we were at my house, and then 2 burglars came in, killed my friend, held me down, and started biting the tuners of my guitar.

This seemed like a pretty standard situation while I was asleep, though obviously I was scared. It's funny how I was so startled when the burglars appeared, but not when the surroundings and characters involved completely changed.

There's also the crippling sensation of having those dreams where you spend the day with a certain girl you've been wanting to be with, and you're thinking "yes, this is the kind of moment I've been waiting for, my opportunity." and then you wake up and are like "oh shit, not again", and reality bites you in the arse once more.

Dreams are weird, mang.

Everything you need to know about me, except there’s lots of stuff that isn’t here so I don’t know

2009-09-28T22:24:00.008+01:00

1. I'm doing this for a number of reasons, including:

I haven't written a proper blog since the 14th of November, yikes.
Michael told me to write a blog.
I'm kind of influenced by those Facebook status things, where you write 25 facts and tag people and what not, except I'm not going to be lame and tag people (I can't anyway) and I'm going to make this quite lengthy (boo urns?).

2. There are a number of reasons (well, not really) I haven't blogged for months, including:

I have nothing to write about anymore, writer's block if you will. I used up my creative well talking about music and art for like, 40 blogs, and I have no idea how anyone got any interest out of them (well, the 5 or so people that read them!). But yeah, actually that's being a little to harsh to my own blogs; they're alright, just very, very repetitive. They’re honest at least.
There is no reason number 2; I just wanted to use bullet points (see?).

3. I used to go on about me not knowing what I wanted to do with my life, e.g, I'd go on about not knowing if I wanted to pursue a career in art (the visual kind) or music. I was lying, though. Ever since I had those thoughts (basically when I started listening to good music), I knew that I 100% wanted to be a musician, it was more of a fact of I didn't think I'd ever be good enough. I got a lot better over two years though, so now I think the only thing that will stop me from trying to pursue music is me just making bad decisions on purpose, which I do sometimes because I get scared of expectations and I have annoying doubts in my mind that make me go the safe option. This has actually made my life significantly worse in some areas, but probably better in a few others.

4. Life ambition is to become a musician, and an acclaimed one. First and foremost, I want to write music that connects with people and is original, and I want to write for a lot of different genres and not just find one sound and stick with that until I suck all life from it. Will this happen? Probably not, probably definitely not even, but I'd like at least one aspect of this to happen.

5. Favourite albums are, in a rough order:

Amnesiac - Radiohead
Kid A - Radiohead
From a Basement on the Hill - Elliott Smith
Ok Computer - Radiohead
Grace - Jeff Buckley
Either/Or - Elliott Smith
Ágætis byrjun - Sigur Rós

And then the order gets very fuzzy and confusing, even though it's already confusing (the only ones I know the ordering for certain are the first 3). To be honest I'm wondering if basically every other Radiohead album except Pablo Honey is above Ágætis byrjun.

6. I have been playing acoustic guitar ever since year 5, so around 7 years or so (wow, that's shockingly close to half my life). In years 5 and 6, in primary school, I was basically just taught loads of chords. In years 7 through to year 9, I had a bit more proper lessons, and I started to not like guitar very much at all. This was because I basically never listened to guitar based music (I listened to, like just Michael Jackson, but liked Queen near the end of year 9 though) then at the very end of year 9 (basically transitioning into year 10), I discovered Muse, and started self teaching myself, and after a year and some Radiohead and Elliott Smith later, I was a lot, lot better than I ever was. Self teaching helps.

7. I am addicted to the show "To Catch a Predator". I find it completely hilarious and fascinating. I love how, a lot of the time, they all have the same excuses, and even the ones who turn up naked say "I just wanted to talk". Chris Hansen is a complete legend. Though I admit, I do sometimes feel somewhat sorry for the people caught on the program, just because I wonder if some of them would have actually done what they did if the weren't provoked to hell. This one is probably my favourite. Or this one.

8. I care what people think of me quite a lot. If I find out someone doesn't like me or whatever, it can often get to me and I'll think over my head what I've done wrong and then be a little bitch etc. I think not caring what people think of you is an admirable quality that I wish I could have, but it's one that I also doubt many people, if any, actually have (completely, anyway). I have heard that caring what other people think of you slowly vanishes with age, which will definitely a great aspect of growing up if it's true.

9. I have an abnormally large love for my cat Molly, and she's probably the only thing in the world that I love on a consistent basis. There's something extremely comforting about animal interaction. Like, it doesn't really matter what you do; you could kill someone, rape someone, burn a building down etc etc, but if you didn't do anything to them, they'd probably still love you. It's nice having something that you know will always be there. More importantly, she comes to me when I whistle.

10. I can't wait for the days when the world will be different. It seems like it's already starting to happen, but still, the intolerance (or tolerance) some people in society still have in extremely large numbers for some things is just plain shitty. Like, I mean, can you believe that people actually argue over things like claims that homosexuality is wrong, and that capital punishment is just and fair, etc etc? When is this shit just going to be cut out of our lives? It’s not needed, it will never be needed. At least if we want to progress as a society.

11. Recently, I don't feel close to anyone. Not my best friends, or Ugmoers, or family or whoever. I don’t necessarily feel bad because of this, at all, it’s just that, as lame and angsty and, well, teenage as this sounds, I feel no body “gets” me. God I felt lame typing that, but it’s true! I think there was a period where, at least with me, Dom, and Michael, and Zak (though he doesn’t have anything to do with Dom and Michael) all had a sort of low point in our lives, and we all bonded really well for a bit, but now we’re all ok so it sucks! Boo urns.

12. As far as I recall, I have never drunk coffee. I wonder if I’ll ever really care about it. Probably not. I really don’t want to be dependent on anything I don’t really need, e.g, drinking coffee to wake myself up or whatever. Unless it actually tastes good and I’ve just been completely unaware.

13. Some facts I want to put at the top of this list, but I can't because then I'd have to re-number everything. I just thought of a solution to this problem while writing this, so yeah, hello. Man, this is a pointless and uninteresting fact, oops.

14. I've realised that I've kind of set myself up to be either majorly successful or a horrible, horrible failure at life. At least, those are the only futures I see of myself in my mind. I guess I’m just not preparing for any other outcomes, at least not in my mind. Then again, I have a very black and white definition of my opinion of what failing at life would be for me, and that would be: cowering out, not going for my dreams, and settling in for a dead end job that I don’t give a flying fuck about by the time I’m 25.

15. Contrary to the previous fact, nobody can fail at life. Either if they're just a useless blob sitting at their computer doing jack shit all day, they'll probably have experienced thousands of emotions and situations that no one has ever felt before, which is indeed pretty cool. I hate it how people have a predispositioned view on how people are meant to have lived their lives to be worth something, e,g you basically have to go to university to be taken seriously (which I guess is fair enough for some things). Though at the same time, people with absolutely no ambitions get on my nerves a bit.

16. Thinking about it, I probably should’ve saved this blog for my 100^th entry. I mean, the number of facts matches it perfectly and everything, and this blog is going to be pretty significant. The down side to doing that is that I’ll be about 64 (yeah, I used that number because of that Beatles song) when I get to my 100^th blog, and by then I’ll be too rich and important to care about such trivial pursuits as a blog. Obviously. In fact, it’s so obvious that I have no such need for words such as “obvious”. I am trying to just add in lots of words now, sorry for being verbose etc.

17. Radiohead albums in order:

Amnesiac/Kid A

Ok Computer
Hail to the Thief
In Rainbows
The Bends
Pablo Honey

Though I feel sad looking at this list, saying something like “The Bends is the 2^nd worst Radiohead album”, because even though it’s true, it’s still a GREAT album, so it seems slightly demeaning! My opinions do change all the time though; the only thing I’m really certain of is that either Kid A or Amnesiac are at the top, and Pablo Honey is at the bottom (though, granted, it’s still alright. Blow Out is better than most songs on The Bends).

18. Elliott Smith albums in order (this is just an entirely “for now” thing, the list will be completely different in a month I guarantee):

Either/Or

From a Basement on the Hill

Elliott Smith

Roman Candle
Figure 8

Hahahaha, this is hard. Arranging Elliott Smith albums into lists is even harder than doing it with Radiohead, probably because Elliott’s albums are slightly more consistent in quality, but then again, maybe not. I tried placing New Moon onto this list just now, but I can’t find a spot I’d agree with.

19. Conspiracy theorists really annoy the hell out of me, most of the time. I’m thinking about this because on the way home on Thursday, I got the London Bridge train so I could travel with Fearghall for a few stops. Joyous as that was: when I got off at Streatham Common, I sat down at the bench with Zak, and on the floor someone had written “9/11 and 7/7 were inside jobs, watch loose change on youtube to learn more” or something along those lines.

They’re not believing the conspiracies because they have any credibility, but because they’re contrarians who are easily convinced of anything if it’s another point of view. They don’t bother to research how documentaries (such as loose change) can be easily discredited, and how they’ve even gone as far as to doctor images. Useless propaganda.

Ali G brilliantly parodied the moon landing conspiracy when he interviewed Buzz Aldrin, though. He’s talking about conspiracies, and how he’s going to settle it once and for all with conspiracy theorists by getting the answer from Aldrin himself, before asking him “Does the moon really exist?”. Brilliant.

20. I’m writing in this thing at this moment in time (16:29, 28^th March 2009) because my internet won’t work at all. At first, I just had a terrible connection, then I couldn’t connect to my own wireless unless I was in a certain spot, and now it, and all the other networks, just aren’t coming up at all. Balls. At least it’s got me in a writing mood, I guess. It still took me 36 minutes to write this fact alone, though. That’s because I’ve just added a bunch of new music to my library, like DJ Shadow’s Endtroducing, some Beatles albums I didn’t have before (Revolver, Rubber Soul), Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon, and some Arcade Fire stuff. I haven’t listened to any of it yet, though.

21. Out of all the friends I’ve ever met in my life that I haven’t met at Brit, only one of them I still talk to (Jamil), but even then it’s once in a blue moon that I talk to him or we see each other. I really miss speaking to Oran, he’s one of my best friends and someone I’ve always felt 100% comfortable around, and (LAME) there’s no one else like him, not that I’ve ever met anyway. DEREk is still definitely one of my favourite things of all time.

I’ve already written about this whole “losing friends over time” thing in a previous blog, but I felt like writing about it again because now I see even less of them since then, which sucks. It might be because my year 9 self was me at my worst, I was such a pain and was pretty mean to some people, sometimes… but the worst thing was definitely my musical opinion. I was so unbearably closed minded and yet, my musical taste wasn’t interesting at all*. I guess I’m kind of like how my brother is now, lololol.

*as far as I recall, it was just Queen, Michael Jackson, and Sonic music. I’m putting this as a foot note thing because I didn’t want to interrupt my flow, y’all. Dawg. Balls.

22. Now that it’s getting all spring timey and sunny, I feel like “shit! I have to make this worthwhile, quick! Before it goes and I’m stuck in depressing shitty winter again.”. That probably makes no sense, as reading that sentence doesn’t really convey what I mean to me either, so I’ll try to explain by writing in a thought by thought kind of way:

I think I started thinking this when I was going to school, and it was really sunny and warm, (which it hadn’t really been for ages, because of winter and such) and I was listening to Dear Prudence on my iPod. I’d walked off the train, out the station, and was walking to school when John Lennon sung in my ear* “The sun is up, the sky is blue, it’s beautiful, and so are you” and I had a mini epiphany, a sudden realisation and rush, I was like “this song is so, so, damn good.” (I’m aware I’m probably horribly misusing the word epiphany, but I guess it feels like what would happen if I had one. In fact, I’ve only ever used the word to describe how I’ve felt when listening to songs anyway).

*Yes, I do mean the actual person. He was brought back from the dead to say this to me, and then he left. I tried to tell people, but they all thought I was crazy. What a bunch of lame people, right? Right? Good.

Then, after that weird rush of happiness etc, I kind of felt a little bit of sadness*. I remember feeling “this is such a beautiful day, it’s going to be such a beautiful time, and yet I’m wasting it being a complete loner.” It’s a desire to make something special, but not having the first clue how.

*Man, this makes me sound like a manic depressive.

I guess that’s enough of that.

23. I wish it was always summer, but this is impossible. However, it’s not impossible to experience. I have devised a pretty genius plan, which goes a little bit like this:

Experience the joys and bliss of summer time in England, THEN (!!!!!!!!!!!).

Move to Australia when it starts to get shitty.
Move back to England when it starts to turn winter in Australia (which is still probably better than summer here).

Repeat for the rest of my life.

This plan is perfect and anyone who disagrees is just jealous for not thinking of it first. Such as you. You’re jealous for not thinking of it first. Admit it. Actually, there are some down sides. Australia has shitty, shitty internet (though since the reason for me writing this blog right now is that my internet is crippled beyond repair, I shouldn’t be mentioning that right now) and they have a bunch of shitty poisonous stuff that England doesn’t have, animals etc. Words words words, I have to write lots of words. I have a goal, which is trying to beat Dom’s longest blog (which was 12000 words, I think). I have to formulate a plan to beat his record though, and he does it without thinking. What a prick. I REALLY DISLIKE HIM!

24. I have a word document saved on my computer that I am not going to read at all once I’m 17, right up until the age of 30 or something. It’s basically a description of my life, opinions, feelings, ambitions etc. I have this so that, in the future, I can see how much I’ve really changed. People always say things about people my age like “heh, he’s just 16 and thinks he knows everything, he doesn’t know shit.” So naturally I want to see if that fictional person is right or not (and no, I’m not claiming for a second that I know everything!). Then again, my 30 year old self might be just as retarded as I am now (that is if I’m retarded in the first place). Yeah, I’m just tossing about words like retarded now.

25. I hate being forced into things that I don’t want to do. I really, really hate it, even. No, by that I don’t mean things like being told “Go clean your room, you son of a bitch. That’s right; your real mother was a female dog. Also, while you’re cleaning your room, I might tell you some more bizarrely literal insults.” What I do mean is things like peer pressure by friends, non-friends, school, family, society etc. Pressure into falling into a trap of feeling like you should be trying to be something else, and you feel bad even though you’re aware of it, until you start to try and do what you’re pressured into and you feel better because you get encouraged by everyone else, but you don’t want to do that.

I’m not sure if I’ve wrote about this before. Probably have at some point in time.

26. This next fact is all about a specific video, which has some really nice music to it too, I might add. I bet that’s a large part of the appeal. Anyway, here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p86BPM1GV8M&feature=channel_page

I really love this video, because it makes me feel at one with humanity; it makes me feel like everything that is on this planet is so important, so special, so rare, and that we as a collective should try and look after everything as best we can, and live life to the complete full. It makes me feel an extreme comfort realising that, really, we’re all in the same boat, and the boat will sink eventually, so uh, not really sure what I’m trying to say here.

But, on the other hand:

It makes you feel lonely, don’t you think? That we are alone (in a sense), and that even if there is other life, it’s so far away from us that we can only dream of visiting it or it visiting us. And that one day, this small blue dot will end, and so will us. And that there really is no meaning to life, and that while that is comforting, it means that really, we aren’t as valuable as we think we are and yadda yadda I’ve said this before.

I think my ideal world would be one that has no god or anything, so that there still is no concrete reason for living that everyone must abide by (how sucky would that be?) but yet, one where we can choose to live forever (if we want to), and where space travel involving humans going out of our solar system isn’t practically impossible.

27. I am recently pretty heavily into The Beatles, they’ve been pretty much all I’m listening to for a few days (it is the 6^th of April 2009 as I write this). It’s funny how you know about a band for so long, and have their albums for so long, and know how critically and commercially acclaimed they are, but yet when you finally try to really listen to them, you’re amazed! Well, not YOU, you scum, but ME, Jack! I recently am finding myself wishing I was around for Beatle mania, something insanely popular that’s actually worthwhile.

Dear Prudence, A Day in the Life, Good Night, Happiness is a Warm Gun, Tax Man, Across the Universe, Within you Without you etc etc, are some of the best songs I’ve ever heard. I always wonder why songs like “Let it Be” and “Yesterday” are always listed as the best Beatles songs, when they’re pretty average in comparison.

28. My good friend, Michael “Reeve” Sandford, has his own web comic at www.xandford.com . It is the only web comic that I regularly read and check for updates, not that I really care about web comics anyway, thus making my point irrelevant. But hey, it’ll make him feel happy, even though uh, oh whatever. It’s a great comic, and it’s definitely best to read it from the beginning.

29. I feel so incredibly happy and overjoyed right now. Why? Because I’ve just found a ton of new Elliott Smith songs that I didn’t have before (I finally have more Elliott Smith songs than Radiohead songs, 10 more in fact). It’s similar to finding a treasure chest, except uh, on the internet, and the treasure makes amazing sounds.

The song “See you in Heaven” is one of the best songs I’ve ever heard. Maybe even my favourite…but this might be because it’s completely fresh for me, hasn’t had the chance to grow boring. Elliott died before getting to record any vocals for it, or so I’ve heard, but it’s probably the happiest song ever regardless. I wonder how it would have sounded when completed with the vocals. It’s still varied enough to sound like a finished piece.

Along with a bunch of new songs, I’ve gotten a whole lot of demos of other songs too. It’s interesting to see how much the lyrics change over time. It’s like looking at a scrap book.

Hahahaha, man. Let it be known that on the 10^th of April, 2009, I have pretty much listened to See you in Heaven all day. Bibilo said it’s amazing, which is cool! Maybe he will like Elliott Smith one day.

30. My hair is really annoying… haha, this is going to be the lamest fact ever, so prepare! I honestly can’t think of anything to say right now. But yeah, apparently it’s in my genes to have incredibly thick hair, I grow a double crown or something like that. It makes any attempt at growing long hair into a terrible bush…thing. I can make it look ok but I have to fuckin’ manage it, and that is something I will be bothered to do. Haha, and I look ridiculous with short hair too, I’ve realised, because I have a pretty big FOREHEAD. Oh, and my nails, don’t even get me started! (Ok, that one was a lame attempt at humour, don’t worry, I don’t give THAT much of a fuck).

31. I’m currently back reading through my old blogs for inspiration on what to write, because I’m seriously stuck and have no idea how I’m going to write 70 more facts. Regrettably, seeing as I’m currently using my blog for source material, I’ll probably just end up regurgitating ramblings that I’ve already rambled about one hundred times before, and I want to keep the contents of this blog mainly new developments, y’know.

That said, I guess this blog would be a great introduction for anyone who hasn’t read any of my previous blogs, except for the fact that it’s going to be as fuckin’ big as my FUCKIN’ DICK, BITCHES. Yeah, apart from that, and the fact that it’s going to have so many words and put basically everyone who tries to read it off. Maybe it will filter out the true fans lololol.

32. I wonder if I could pass off pictures as facts for this blog. The down side to this is that I’d lose possible word counts…but a-HA, a picture is a thousand words so suck on that, all you beautiful people. Still, that won’t quite satisfy the word counter on word, but I’d say that’s just a hideous fault with the program rather than with my, frankly flawless, blogging skills.

33. I should probably stop writing facts about my blog, or the process of writing my blog, or about boring shit in general. Surely doing that can’t be interesting for anyone, so I better stop right now, thank you very much; I need somebody with a human touch.

34. I wonder how I’d be if I was more impulsive. If this was a Futurama episode, it would involve me killing my friends and having sex with a retarded loser, which of course would be fine, but that’s not what I mean. I am probably the least impulsive person in the world, and it kind of sucks really bad, and I wish it could be different but for some reason I just can’t change it.

35. I often feel like I’m completely wasting my day if I’m not making anything, whether it be animation, writing songs, drawing, or even writing in this blog etc. It’s hard to explain, it’s a part of my personality I’ve always had, since I was 3. I’ve created comics since that age, usually awesome stuff like Thomas the Tank Engine vs Sonic etc. I just don’t know how people can’t be interested in creating work.

36. Today (22^nd April, 2009) I have spent a large majority of the day outside. I don’t mean out my house, doing fun things etc, no no no. I mean, just playing guitar in my garden, eating dinner outside etc. Man, it’s nice I tell ya. I was thinking of the Feeder song “Elegy” at the time (“summer breeze, kisses me”) not because those lyrics are particularly brilliant or whatever, but because I was playing a similar sounding song on guitar (not anything particular).

I felt like writing autumnal songs like Nick Drake did, about clouds and leaves and moons and rivers. Lol at me making it seem like I’m some sophisticated song writer or something or other, I’m just someone who happened to have a guitar while outside, don’t mind me.

37. List of things I need to accomplish by (hopefully) the end of year 13 (some are taken from a list from my old MySpace blog from 2 years ago):

Finish an album by the end of year 13, probably a lo-fi acoustic album (I want to make my own “Roman Candle” I guess. Actually, Pink Moon might be more accurate).
Finish flash cartoons such as Lips 4 and 5 and Alien Potato, just so I can end that chapter of my life. Also: release this stuff on places like Newgrounds to get some recognition. Thinking about it, if the reception was really good, it might encourage me to make more.
Continue to enhance my instrument playing skills; continue to get into new music.
Stop being shy about stupid things.
See Radiohead live

Stop being a coward.

Create some kind of artistic piece that is better than everything I’ve managed to do previously (and I’m talking about the visual kind).

38. I’m annoyed that so many people I listen to are dead, so I can never see them live, or hear new stuff. Elliott Smith, Half of The Beatles, Nick Drake, and Jeff Buckley. The last 2 are especially saddening because they didn’t even nearly reach their potential. It’s completely tragic that Jeff Buckley only managed to release 1 album, and how Nick Drake was completely ignored by the public before his death. He was way ahead of his time, extraordinarily ahead.

What also saddens me is that he was just so damn talented, and that I probably won’t ever be as talented, and I make the same sort of music.

39. Ok, story time (this relates to previous fact). So I was on the tram back, by myself, tired as complete fuck (went to bed at 5:30am, woke up at 8:30am, had been at the shop til 8pm), had my guitar and my bag etc, and was just kind of collapsed ‘cause it was late. And for some reason, every thought that entered my mind was negative. I was thinking about failed love for some reason, possibly because failed love makes me tired. And I was thinking about music, probably because the only thing I could see was my guitar case. Then I started thinking “I am not going to be a very successful musician” because I was thinking of all of these great artists that inspire me that never become all that successful, and that they’re a lot better than me and make the same sort of music so if I did become more successful it’d be a massive injustice.

Then I started thinking that I am also horribly unoriginal in everything I ever really try to do, and I make diet versions of everything (that is a lame metaphor). And then I realised that I am just 16, and there’s plenty of time to change, which made me feel a little better, but not quite, because it made me feel better logically but not emotionally, if that makes sense.

Then I got home. I watched The Simpsons. I got slightly sad at the ending of the episode with Homer’s mum, sad as in I felt really funny, when Homer sits under the stars by himself at the end. I felt a bit better, so I went to bed. LOL!!!!LL!O!L

And then I realised that I keep starting sentences with “and then”, and then the end.

40. Had an art exhibition on Thursday, the 14^th of May. There were so many weirdoes there, it was incredible. One guy was talking to me about how his wife left him. He was like “my partner left me”, and I looked around thinking he was talking about an usher that had abandoned him rudely, but then he started going on about his wife, and I just nodded and laughed and he might have been offended, if he didn’t follow me everywhere for 10 minutes after I’d already showed him around.

There was some other guy who I wish I had seen; he apparently took a bite out of all the cakes and just put the pieces back afterwards. He is cool; I would’ve done the same thing. There was another Turkish guy that Liam was showing around, who apparently kept saying everything was miserable, and when Liam asked him to write something in the comments book, all he did was put his name. He probably thought it was a petition. Hooray.

41. Swine flu. I was on msn, in a group chat, and asked for a subject to use in my blog. Someone (Ben) said swine flu, so here I am. Swine flew…get it? Pigs fly? Get it? Because pigs fly and swine flu, get it? Pigs fly? Get it? Because pigs fly?

42. So I’m looking at a bunch of Facebook quizzes, which seems to be a new fad on there, which is all well and good (when I do well on them). But y’know what sucks? When one of the questions included in quite a lot of the ones I’ve seen has been “what cell phone network am I on?”. I mean, holy crap, are you that boring of a person that a question like that warrants inclusion on a quiz about yourself? Why not ask what brand of ketchup you use or what shop you go to to buy toe nail clippers.

43. I have a cool habit of mishearing lyrics in cool ways. Examples include:

Everything in its Right Place – Radiohead. Mishearing “Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon” as “yesterday I woke up stuck in a limo”.

Jigsaw Falling into Place – Radiohead. Mishearing “A light, you can feel it on your back” as “A light, you can feel it, I’m no faggot”.

And last of all, and the best, is the Sigur Rós song “Hoppipolla”. You can’t help but mishear “Og ég fæ blóðnasir” (what kind of none Icelandic person would hear that anyway?) as “Oh year five boners”. That’s actually thanks to Liam (hi!), though.

44. I’m in a horrible mood right now, because I was reading sweet addy (Elliott Smith forum) and just, there’s a stickied* thread about one of the members dying of cancer. It just got to me. I have no idea who the person is, but it’s just…man. I have no idea why shit like this effects me so much, I wish it didn’t.

The weird thing is how he was apparently so like…accepting of it all. Most of the time, I always read how people are so accepting of this kind of thing when it happens to them. I know if it was me, I’d feel dead inside, and see my life as just one giant count down to the end, and spend my days being shit scared and terrified and regretful.

Then again…I bet everyone who gets it feels that way at first. I can imagine me being more cowardly than most, though.

*Haha, word doesn’t recognise that word. I guess it really is just something you’d never even hear if not going on forums).

45. Ok, another list, though it’s not ordered or anything. I’m gonna name a bunch of artists and my favourite song and / or* album from each. The song I list might not necessarily be from the album I list, either.

Radiohead – Amnesiac – Pyramid Song

Elliott Smith – Either/Or – A Distorted Reality is now a Necessity to be Free

Nick Drake – Pink Moon – From the Morning

Jeff Buckley – Grace (well duh) – Dream Brother

Sigur Rós - Ágætis byrjun - Viðrar vel til loftárása

The Beatles – The Beatles (White Album) – Dear Prudence

The Smashing Pumpkins – Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness (though I really need more Pumpkins albums, I only have 2) – Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness

Portishead – Third – The Rip

Animal Collective – In The Flowers

Björk – Homogenic – Either Play Dead or Harm of Will

Feeder – Elegy

Mute – Take Shape

Michael Jackson – Thriller - Will You Be There (I love the hell out of this song now)

Mogwai – Travel is Dangerous

Muse – Origin of Symmetry – Either Citizen Erased, Micro Cuts, Showbiz, or Map of your Head

Neutral Milk Hotel – Really, the two King of Carrot Flowers when played side by side are completely unmatched. Two Headed Boy part 2 is also amazing.

The Smiths – The Queen is Dead (talking albums here, can’t decide about favourite song. It’s a toss between The Queen is Dead, Some girls are bigger than others, There is a Light that never goes out, the head master ritual, and how soon is now. I can’t be bothered for uppercase, bro.)

Bright Eyes - Lua

As a side note: fuck yeah, another 200 or so words down, and all I had to do was make a boring list.

46. Bukkake* (I asked Liam for a subject). Where do I begin? I’ve always been a fan since I was about 3, and I first heard the song “won’t you love me?” on the radio. “Bukkake, bukkake, won’t you love me?” Those lyrics spoke to me probably more than any song has before, and I was three years old. How did they do it? I think they were the first proper band I ever got into, the first band to reach my soul, and penetrate it.

They went down hill when they started making all those “live DVDs” where they’d replaced their guitars with phalluses.

*maybe you should look it up?

47. Nocturnal life style (another Liam subject, what an ANNOYING PERSON, HOW DARE HE TAKE OVER MY BLOG. I’LL HAVE HIM TO BE BANNED FROM THIS FORUM). When I am in the holidays, I break my body clock to fuck, I beat the shit out of it, kill its family, torture it. Life is good, life is great. But then the holidays end, and my body clock decides to get its revenge. It destroys me completely; it makes what I did to it seem like nothing. For a day.

Though there was one part that I got wrong about everything I wrote, the “Life is good, life is great” part, because having a nocturnal lifestyle is probably the most boring thing in the fucking world. But I do it anyway. Weird huh? Or maybe it’s because of my boring lifestyle that I develop a nocturnal body clock. Who knows?

Question mark?

48. This is a fact dedicated to the one and only legend: Jack Deakin. He’s probably one of my favourite people ever, because he makes the greatest videos that are hilarious and totally show his personality effortlessly. They could not be made by any other person in the world. For a large space of time, most of the time I’ve known of him, he’s been a complete mystery. I thought that discovering the face of him would ruin the illusion, but it’s just made me love him more, so much more. Man, this is really creepy. Jack (Deakin, not me), if you ever read this, I am just a massive fan and not a stalker! I am just slightly overemphasising things is all.

Watch Kate Ashby drops the Baby at least. It’s just amazing. Art.

49. Things that I am terrible at relating to song writing:

Lyrics. I am just shit. I try, but I suck. The best I can do is mediocre crap, and it is annoying. I can’t write love songs without them being cheesy as fuck, I can’t write sad songs without sounding like an angsty teenager. It’s because I’m writing without complete experience, I think*. That’s not to say I’m not feeling the emotions, it’s just that when I write songs, I kind of create an imaginary world. I’m not explaining this well. And fuck, creating an imaginary world is hardly a bad song writing technique, I’m being retarded. Not being completely straight forward and blunt isn’t how to write good lyrics.

So I guess my lyrics aren’t bad due to lack of experience, but due to lack of talent…man, that just makes me feel WORSE hahaha.

*but if that’s true, that means I gotta fuckin’ wait before I can write lyrics.

Vocal melodies and just writing vocal stuff in general. I can’t make vocal melodies for shit, and it’s my biggest weakness. The main reason is because I can’t get it to match my lyrics a lot of the time, rhythmically. I guess this is mainly a problem with the lyrics, but it’s hard creating 2 things and putting them together. I’m not good at that.

Creating 2 things and putting them together (LOOOOOOOOOOL).

50. OOOOooooh, finally at the half way point. What’s a good fact that I could use for this? I need to think of something…ooooh come on, there must be something that I could say that’s interesting. Nope.

51. I’ve realised that every single girl I’ve ever fancied (that word is lame, I was going to write “been attracted to” but that list is probably endless) has had a 2 syllable name, or has been referred to most of the time by a 2 syllable nick name. *Streams and streams of my many, many female readers all think “OMG!!!! JACK FANCIES ME COS OF MY NAME!!!!!OMG LOL!!!!!!!”*. Even though most girls are known by two syllable names, it’s still a mildly interesting coincidence though.

52. Songs that I’m embarrassed to like but reguardless I like them a lot:

Hoku – Perfect Day (discovering it through Legally Blonde probably makes it a lot worse, but god damn it it’s so happy fuck you)

Kelly Rowland – Stole (I can’t help but be embarrassed by liking songs that I still think are good, but are made by people that 12 year old girls love etc etc).

Christina Aguilera – The Voice Within, probably a few others from her Stripped album.

Mute – Take Shape

Michael Jackson – Gone to Soon (I love Michael Jackson, this song no exception, but it reminds me of a really corny song from a Disney movie, admit it). Okay, note: when I wrote that, Michael wasn’t dead. Now it just makes me really sad and stuff K.

Avril Lavigne – Ummm, Complicated and Nobody’s Fool I really like. Basically if I liked a song between the ages of say, 8 – 12, I probably still like it now.

I’ll add more to the list later.

53. Oh my god why am I only half way done. Why did I ever agree to this shit, this is going to take forever and I’m never going to finish it, screw this I’m outta here.

54. Ok, now I’m back. Strange, now I’m trying to get facts out of the way instead of words, seeing as I’m writing more than I should be. This is good, I guess.

55. When I was a young child, I’d always be completely fascinated by areas in games that you can’t get to. In Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3 (Ps2), I always tried to reach the impossible to reach bridge in the Los Angeles level (before it gets destroyed by the earthquake you can cause). This is because the bridge leads out into the city, and I was young and naïve enough to think that they had programmed a whole city that nobody could access. Despite what I said about it being impossible to get to the bridge, I actually DID do it one time. Going along the bridge led you to a “out of bounds” message, returning you to some other part of the map.

Other examples are trying to jump over the hills outside Peach’s castle in Super Mario 64 (which was actually funny because when you get all 120 of the power stars, you can fly around this whole area and see there’s absolutely nothing beyond these pretty easily).

It’s awesome how some games purposely reward this, though. Well, I can only think of one example; in Half Life 2: Episode 2, you can no clip (basically fly through walls, with cheats) down a tunnel in this underground mine, where suddenly the words “How did you get here?” appear on screen. There are some cool rewards you can get in games for trying to do this that were unintentional, such as in Sonic Adventure, you can get into levels other characters can only get to by glitching into them and stuff. It’s kind of different though.

56. Are eyes ever really ugly? If I look at eyes by themselves, they never really look bad to me. Noses can, mouths can, and basically everything can. But eyes? I don’t know. If you just look at the eye, it’s just. I don’t know, unless they have some kind of condition (like how some blind people have blank eyes), they always look good. They are gateways into the soul, after all. They can’t be bad.

57. Even though I’ve just wrote a short blog about this, I feel I need to add something about the death of Michael Jackson here, too. I’ve never really experienced something like this happening before…it’s so horrible. Just, the feeling that they never knew you existed, and never will. I really wish I got to meet him, my sister’s extremely lucky in that respect. I feel so lonely…especially because I’m in the house alone and everything is dark. Nothing to do but write this blog and listen to Michael’s music, over and over again.

58. I keep feeling lately that my dreams are never going to come true, and it’s a horrible feeling (mainly because it’s likely), and I want it to go away. I assure you, it’s just a feeling, not a lifestyle change, if that makes sense. What I mean is that this doesn’t mean I’m like “oh, it’s useless even trying anymore” or something like that. I’m just feeling overly cautious, or something. I don’t know, man; I’m just filling up space again. I’ve probably already talked about this somewhere earlier in this blog.

59. I really wish I could dance. In around year 7 or 8, I really loved dancing, and would learn Michael Jackson routines. I still know some of this stuff, or at least I can still moonwalk, but I mean, I just have no natural movement in me, I think. I think being able to dance well is one of the coolest things on the planet (and dancing terribly is one of the lamest, though it can be pretty damn funny so I guess that cancels it out).

Actually, I’d be happy if I was the undisputed worst dancer of all time, but Samurai Clinton wins that one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GE1Fev_l1hQ

60. I hope I have a massive out of body experience one day, I really want to feel out of this world and spiritual. Maybe I’ll take acid or something, I dunno. The closest I have to this is that I have occasionally had amazing lucid dreams, where you can literally do anything you can think of doing. It’s not something I can control, though (and I mean that in a “not all my dreams are lucid because sometimes I don’t know I’m dreaming” way).

61. Here’s a neat trick I learnt about dreaming. If you are suddenly aware that you’re dreaming, rub your hands together. This makes your brain create the sensation and feeling that your hands are rubbing together, and negates the feeling of you lying in your bed, making you much less likely to wake up. Pretty cool, if you ask me, but if you’re not asking me, then it may not be cool. It may not be cool at all. That would be tragic, yes it would, words words words.

62. Sorry guys, time for another list. It’s the 2^nd of July 2009, half past midnight. This list is my top 10 albums but with only 1 album per artist:

1. Either/Or - Elliott Smith

2. Amnesiac - Radiohead

3. Grace – Jeff Buckley

4. Thriller – Michael Jackson

5. Pink Moon – Nick Drake

6. The Beatles (White Album)

7. Agaetis Byrjun – Sigur Ros

8. In the Aeroplane over the Sea – Neutral Milk Hotel

9. Merriweather Post Pavillion – Animal Collective

10. Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness – Smashing Pumpkins

This is probably the list I’ve been satisfied with the most. Still unsure about the ordering of the last 3, though. I’m also unsure about if I prefer Thriller to Pink Moon, but I probably do.

63. I’m quite annoyed that O’Bzrien is the best thing I’ve made musically. I made that like, I think I actually wrote it over a year ago. I’ve written loads better stuff since then, but I can’t record anything well and I don’t know why.

64. Eughghg* I’m feeling incredibly incredibly lame again. I might have already written something similar to this in a previous fact, but well… I haven’t back read for ages so I’m not sure. So instead of writing about whatever it is I was going to say, (probably about me feeling horribly different and that making me an idiot because me feeling different is all because sometimes I don’t know how interact, and not other people’s fault) I’m just going to write about nothing in particular because, well, I’m using up words etc etc.

I’m also keeping it in because of the “eighths” thing. Which uh, doesn’t make sense to you because you haven’t read that far yet. It’s just below.

*Word just tried to correct this as “Eighths”.

In case you’re dumb, I’m talking about “Eughghg”. You see how it has an asterisk next to it? That means there’s a footnote about it underneath. I stole this from Dom, just like how I stole being boring from Dom. I also use them because, at least for me, they basically serve the same use as parenthesis, but those can sometimes break the flow, y’know? Flow, y’know? Flow, y’know?

65. This is just a promise I am making to myself, quickly. Never have a set amount of words as a goal for a blog, in future. It completely kills all joy in writing a blog*, and makes it a lot more boring for the reader because I do a lot of boring things such as adding more words on purpose, and writing about the blog itself, which surely can’t be interesting. From now on, I blog when I feel like, but maybe at least once a week. That might not make sense, but these could be mega short, like 400 word things.

*Well, actually it doesn’t kill all joy. It does make it more tedious, though.

66. I hope the people who read this don’t just “ctrl f” their name, and that’s it. I’m looking at you, Michael Sandford. JUST KIDDING, I know that you’ll probably read it all* (maybe not all at once, though). I just remember that once, we were both reading Dom’s blog, and Michael said something like “I’m just gonna ctrl f and type my name”, and I laughed, because sometimes I’m guilty of the same thing (but usually, I just do that first, then read the blog. Or I don’t do it at all).

I also don’t know whether to type in “Jack”, “Bz”, “Bzowski”, “Amberz”, “Bizkit”, or “Cunt”. Damn me and my many shitty, shitty nick names.

*and if you don’t I’ll destroy you.

67. Uh oh, look what the previous fact has just inspired; yet another list! Hooray! This time, it’s a list of every nick name I’ve ever had, and I’ll probably add more as I remember more:

Jack the Stripper: This is honestly the first nick name I can remember myself having. That’s kind of fucked up.

Blue Jack: The name given to me by some of my female friends when I was in year 10, to differentiate from the other Jacks. Apparently, it’s because I always wore blue. This crappy nick name led me to create a new name which I was called temporarily, which was:

Sexy Jack: Probably the most accurate nick name I’ve ever had.

Llama boy: Short lived name. It was when I edited a picture of my face in Photoshop, and it looked like a llama.

Stumpy: I actually gave myself this nick name, and it mildly caught on. Called this because my chest is slightly fucked.

Jack Bizkit: I don’t really remember the origin of this entirely, as its source has since been deleted, but Dom called me it when we ruined a poor guy’s new Doctor Who fan series thread.

Jack Ambz / Amberz: I was called this after everyone discovered how I’m the most fashionable person of all time. Alternative answer: originally, I wanted the MySpace url of www.myspace.com/jackbz, but it was taken by a girl named Amber. That’s pretty much it.

“Flex”: Given to me by myself for Dom to call me, because he sucks and I make him call me things. I also added this name in a day after writing all the other names, including the one below.

Jackinwande: My Nigerian name (based of Akinwande). Also Wunhappi Camper.

Jack Bz: I used to write my name like this in Year 2 in primary school, because there was another Jack B in the class. I’m surprised how this stuck. It also says “Jack Bz” inside my first guitar, and that was written by my mum. My aunt’s email also has her first name, and then “bz” at the end. It’s weird because that’s all coincidental; it’s not a natural thing to shorten it to “Bz”.

I guess you could say this was my first nick name, but it wasn’t really a nick name until recently, despite its age. It will probably be my pseudonym if I release music, or art.

68: Thought I’d talk about the stump thing some more. I have a stump on my chest, and I don’t really know what it is. I mean, I know it’s bone, but like…I don’t know. I didn’t notice it until half way through year 10 when I got out of the shower one time, but I think I might have had it before that. I went to the hospital about it, had an x-ray and all that jazz. They ended up saying it’s just the way I am. Ain’t that just sweet? Nope.

It kind of hurts to sleep on my front sometimes because of it, and people have been weirded out by it before. Apart from that, nothing to report. It’s not really noticeable unless I make it so. It’s sexy though.

69. What a significant number. It’s creepy though, how this is a sexual position because of what it looks like. I say this because it’s obviously seen as people lying head to toe to each other etc, but to me, it looks really foetal. Like unborn babies. And it’s a sexual position. I guess that’s all I have to say about that.

70. Now I’m out of the sixties and into the seventies. I guess I should feel more comfortable here, seeing as according to Facebook, the seventies was the decade I should have belonged to. Screw Facebook though, because belonging to one decade sucks; I belong to many.

71. It’s funny, because I consider myself a 90s kid, when I really aren’t*. I mean, I was born in 1992, so I lived 8 years of the 90s (not quite half my life), but most of my favourite childhood memories are from the years 2002/2003. 90s music is probably my favourite in general, though. It’s probably the decade I listen to the most, though a lot of the artists that started out in the 90s that are amazing often perfected their talents during the 2000s, (Radiohead… uh… I guess that’s all I can think of. Third is my favourite Portishead album, I guess. And “From a Basement from the Hill” is better than all of Elliott Smith’s 90s work besides Either/Or).

*Hey dom, I’ve got another addition to “willn’t”. Amn’t!

72. Talking about music to people who don’t like the same stuff as you can often suck. It’s just like…if you don’t know what songs or artists they’re talking about, you can’t really initiate much discussion. And if you know them, and despise them, both of the people talking will probably just frustrated with the other person’s opinion. This is probably really obvious, but it’s still REALLY ANNOYING LOOK AT HOW ANGRY I AM I AM USING UPPER CASE HOLY SHIT MOTHER FUCK YOU CAN TELL HOW ANGRY I AM SO FUMING RIGHT NOW I REALLY DISLIKE YOU hello, friend!

73. This fact is about the Westboro Baptist Church. Words can not describe how much these people suck.

74. 37. This is the number of albums I’ve heard in the “1001 albums you must hear before you die” list. I’d say I was ashamed at how little I’ve heard of it, and that I am a culturally illiterate etc, which could be true, but still, the list can be silly at times! It lists Either / Or (this is good) and Figure 8 as the only Elliott Smith albums, when Figure 8 is reguarded (correctly) by most as his worst album. Debut and no Homogenic, or Post? And Neutral Milk Hotel are just totally absent from the list, as is Madvillain and Bright Eyes and yeah, I guess I just always find these lists stupid because they miss out too much good stuff!

75. Started watching Peep Show since I watched 4 episodes at Fearghall’s thing last Saturday (it’s now Monday the 13^th of July, about 7:30 PM). It’s really, really, really good, but it’s definitely more entertaining to watch with more people, or at least one other person blah blah. I feel like I’m really thoroughly entertained and interested in character development and how situations will turn out rather then how many times I can laugh, but that might be because so far, I’ve only watched it really at times that I can’t laugh out loud (very late at night, I might disturb people). No matter when I watch it, though, I can always enjoy its genius.

76. I love having a sudden, unexplained sense of euphoria.

77. I’m really enjoying Lisa Hannigan’s* debut album “Sea Sew”. It’s a nice folky poppy album, nothing outstanding and it falls in quality towards the end, but it’s still pretty great. I’m definitely more excited about seeing her next Thursday (still Monday the 13^th of July as I write this). So much that I might actually pay Zak for the ticket, which I was bastardingly hesitant to do before because, well, I knew nothing of her. Now that is different! I like her. Update: the gig was pretty great, probably my favourite I’ve ever been to (this might be because I’ve never been to any great ones), mainly because it was a small place and we were near the front.

*Word just tried to correct this to “Shenanigans”. I think that’s an awesome pseudonym, personally.

78. I think marmite adverts (at least the ones in the UK) must be the only adverts in the world that always end in someone being disgusted at the product, often coughing it up disgustingly, or throwing it away. I mean hell, check this out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoRcU0Ul7tU

And yet these adverts apparently sell? That’s awesome and I can’t think of any other product that’s advertised like this.* I want to make an album and make an advert for it of someone listening to it, turning it off, saying “this is…I dunno, kinda shitty” and then that’s it. I’d be a millionaire.

*Thought of another one. Not quite the same, but the doctor pepper adverts usually resort to someone having extremely bad luck that wouldn’t have happened if he DIDN’T get the doctor pepper. Awesome.

79. I’ve realised that throughout my life, I’ve never had any horrible trauma or hard time I’ve had to go through. The only thing I can think of was I was sad in year 7 because my parents said they were going to get divorced (and it didn’t help that my sister occasionally said it was my fault), but they didn’t, and still live in the same house (though when we move again they probably won’t) so it wasn’t terrible traumatic fighting or anything.

I fear that when I finally do experience something like this that’s inevitable (such as the death of someone I love to death) or something that isn’t guaranteed to happen, like a massive family row that breaks up the family, or something like struggling to survive properly after due to poverty (though I definitely don’t ever see this happening…hopefully) I just won’t be able to handle it well or cope properly. I should probably be grateful that my life has been pretty safe, with the only real causes of grief being weird social things.

80. Woo hoo, we’re in the 80s, that means I’m half way there except I’m even further than that, yay. Dunno what to say about the 80s…yay for Michael Jackson, The Smiths…I think those are the only 80s artists I listen to. Need to get into REM, The Cure, Sonic Youth (only have 1 album and it’s from 1990) and I can’t think of anyone else. I guess the pixies as well.

81. Blogs you should read:

www.tds4a.blogspot.com - Yeah, he neglects it even more than I neglect my blog, but it's still probably my favourite blog ever (or was, I guess?). It inspired me to make my own blog, but unfortunately it also inspired me to try and write really long blogs that take months and months (he could probably do these in a day). I guess his blog might SUCK if you don't know him. In fact, just don't bother reading it.

http://zak-hello.blogspot.com/ - This is the blog of Zak. This blog is good because, so far (though only two entries have been written), I'm in every post. This gives it an automatic edge over other, shittier blogs.

www.projectorheads.com - "Now wait a gosh darn minute" I hear you all say. "This isn't a blogspot blog! In fact, I'd be hard pressed to even call it a blog!". Well, to that I say fuck you, but I also say that it is a blog, with *SECTIONS*. It also used to be a humble little blog on www.projectorheads.blogspot.com. Who knows, maybe my blog will move to a proper website and have *SECTIONS* one day. Who knows? Me, because that will never happen. The most publicity this blog will get is as my msn personal message, or the occasional facebook status.

82. It boggles the mind why there are so many people in this world who are against stem cell research. I can’t even begin to comprehend why people would protest against researching possible cures for cancer, diabetes, Parkinson’s, muscle damage, spinal cord injuries etc. Hell, even baldness and missing teeth. I mean stems cells have already been used to cure blindness in a lot of people.

People protest them because of the use of aborted embryos and foetuses, which is retarded because 1: rather evidently, the foetus is already dead, so it might as well be used for something, and 2: it’s not like banning stem cell research would lower abortions in any way at all. It’s almost as if they’re implying that people get abortions just so stem cell research can flourish. This is absurd.

83. Isn’t it depressing how Muse and their fans have turned into blithering retards? Or at least, it’s gradually become a lot more apparent in recent years. They’ve always been interested in conspiracy theories but up until black holes, they kept them very vague or ridiculously over the top and fun (y’know, origin of symmetry’s matrix-esque newborn). Now every song is about the Illuminati.

84. Dom wants me to talk about The Shawshank Redemption, just so him and Liam can make fun of me behind my back. What a bunch of dicks!

85. Going to be moving again soon, in about a month (as of 27^th August 2009). It’s going to be a bigger house (so that my brother can have a proper room instead of sleeping in the living room or my room or wherever), and still in the same area. It’s still gonna be rented; I wish we could have a house that’s actually ours rather than moving to a new place every 3 years, but what can you do.

86. The counter I have to the right of my blog: I often print screen it when it gets to a certain number, e.g, 1000, 1992 (year I was born), 2000, 2009 (current year, in case you can’t tell). Hell, I think when it got to 1000, I asked Michael Sandford to screen cap it FOR me (cos he managed to be the 1000^th viewer. He should get some sort of prize, like a mention in fact 86 of Jack Bz’s many word blog extravaganza.)

87. I’m going to talk about the last 3 or 4 years of my life (inspired by a little conversation I’m having with Bown at the moment):

2006 (woah, fact 2006 already? I am hilarious): I think things took a slight turn for the better that year. Year 9. I felt for the first time that I had a real best friend since Jamil (person I’m talking about is Oran), and things were ok. I felt SPECIAL because I was leaving, so naturally I got a signed shirt and had a picnic in the park and stuff (I really appreciated that, guys who most certainly aren’t reading this).

It was also the year that I moved house. I really hated that. I remember, on the move, I just felt so shit. I wouldn’t mind if it was for any other reason then money related, but it felt like a massive downer for essentially a new life (new school, new friends, new house). I must stress however that I wasn’t moving anywhere far; I still live in the same area. It was just a much smaller house etc, so essentially it wasn’t bad. At least my room is a lot bigger.

Anyway, school. For the first, um… I’m not sure. Could be days, could weeks. But yeah, beginning of Brit School, I seriously regretted changing to a different school. Badly regretting it, kicking myself from the day I began, thinking I’d left all my old friends behind for no reason. I used to just wonder around aimlessly during break times, using up my time by looking at posters on walls and other boring shit, no joke. It was awful.

Then things started improving. I remember the day things started looking up was when I had my first English class, and sat next to Anthony. We realised that we both had the same pencil case (it was a Bart Simpson one), and I finally had someone to hang out with during lunch, and I got to know some of my best friends through him, or at least be better friends than I would have, e.g. Christian and Micah.

Then the end turned great. I felt happy and I belonged.

2007: Pretty much just continued with greatness. I made a lot more friends, a lot of them girls (which was pretty rare at the time lololol), generally looked forward to school (hadn’t really felt that since year 6). This was the year where I started to get into music again (after officially “quitting” guitar) mainly because of the band Muse, though I don’t listen to them anymore really. I still thank them for it though. This was also an important year for music because I discovered my still going favourite band of all time: Radiohead. It was in October 2007 when they announced that they were giving free downloads to In Rainbows. I didn’t actually download it, but heard every song on MySpace and fell in complete love.

2008: The year things went slightly to shit. My group of friends basically shrunk to about, I don’t know, 6 people, and I have no idea why. It’s one of those things that just happened. I turned kind of…depressed, sort of, in this year. This was the year I started this blog, and the year I wrote in it the most, and it’s most definitely due to the aforementioned melancholy. This was the year I picked up a guitar, and just wrote and wrote and wrote. Massive music discoveries all through out the year, including Elliott Smith (so lots and lots of thanks to Fearghall for that),

I also felt really alienated by the time year 12 started. My best friend left this school, and I’d been separated from my other best friend as we were put in separate art classes, and 90% of my new class were now new people who I didn’t know. It was basically just like being in a new school, except not really, so fuck that. I was glad though, because I was doing music in school for the first time since year 9. I wished the next year would be better for me. I think this was the first year I felt really inexplicably lonely for the first time in my life.

2009: A little better. Made some friends, made some music, and expanded my musical horizons to points previously unexplored. I think I’ve really started re-evaluating my life this year, and my opinions, and I think I’ve grown just a little bit and am smarter and know what I want to do with my life. I’m still a complete coward, though. Often I’ll know what I need to do in a situation, but just won’t, and I don’t know why. It’s crippling. The year’s not over, but I think it’s probably that little bit better than 2008, though a lot of the problems from that year still exist, but to a lesser extent.

88. So I’ve just went on the Blogger home page, and now the logo has a little slice of cake next to it. I assumed it’s blogger’s birthday today, but Wikipedia says a different launch date that I don’t remember. Screw you blogger, I’ve been back on you for at least a week since writing this fact, and there’s still that cake image. It’s either eternally your birthday, or you’ve become a fan of cake or something like that. Whatever, I’m over it.

89. I want to be in a band so much right now. I will be playing my first ever live gig in April, and I’m so terrified and excited. But I mainly want a band on hand so that I can write songs that aren’t just one instrument all the time. I realise a lot of people can do this without the help of a band, but I’m not one of them yet.

90. Wooo, made it to the 90s. The 90s is probably the decade with music I listen to the most, e.g, Elliott Smith, Radiohead, Jeff Buckley, Sigur Rós, The Smashing Pumpkins, Neutral Milk Hotel, Bjork etc etc. Dumb people say that the 90s is when music started to suck (they also say that about the current decade) and well, I guess you could argue that the mainstream quality took a nose dive (endless boy bands, Britney Spears type people, you know I mean) but it’s only true that music took a nose dive if you get your musical opinion from the weekly top 40 or whatever. Secret fact, I’ve written this fact just after writing fact 80. It’s because I can’t think of anything else to write, and even this is boring and uninteresting as fuck.

91. Hahaha, holy shit. Go back and look at fact 3. Just, just LOOK AT IT*. Despite being said in February, it’s exactly what’s happening now, this exact thing. I’m mainly referring to the part at the end, y’know, about me being too scared to not get a useless art degree instead of following anything music related. I am most definitely doing the art thing right now. If only we didn’t have classes in applying for art universities where you have to fill forms and everything. I mean I have classes where I have to apply for an art uni. I feel there’s no way out, but yet it’s entirely my own decision. What the hell is wrong with me?

*Yeah I am making a look at it joke, Adam/Bown. Makes it sound like you’re both one person.

92. I hate the death penalty, and really hate how a lot of people advocate it. There was this girl on this forum that always used to post about how she loves the death penalty, and was watching this documentary about how these men got stoned to death because “they were had committed adultery” (yes that it is how they worded) and that it was a deserved punishment. I actually found the post hilarious and I assure you that she’s not joking (she also thinks the world will end in 2012) but it’s still rather worrying that people think like this

I’ve realised I’ve gone off on a tangent and am more complaining about this person rather than death penalty supporters, because I am sure that 99% of death penalty supporters would not support the death penalty for adulterers. I’ll just start with a more general over view now.

Human beings are not “good” or “bad”. To kill someone, you either have to have truly believed that what you’re doing is right, been completely taken over by rage or some other blind emotion, be a sick twisted individual who does it for kicks, or be mentally ill. There are probably more examples, but never mind. Anyway, the “be a sick twisted individual who does it for kicks” option is, arguably, basically the same as the mentally ill option. If someone’s brain doesn’t have the remorse factor attached to their brain, then they’ve probably got a physical problem with themselves, either due to environment or just the way they were born. They do not deserve to have their life ended for this, but should be imprisoned for the remainder of their life as to protect society, and to be possibly be rehabilitated (I say possibly because let’s face it, it might not be possible).

There’s also a thing called human rights, and the right to live. People say that if you’re a murderer, you’ve given up your human rights, which is hilariously retarded. The only thing that makes you human is being human. They’re not called “conditional human rights”, otherwise that would be pointless. Having your human rights taken away implies that you’re not human anymore, which is wrong. Newsflash, murderers are people, they think, they breathe, and they may be fucking disgusting, but they’re still people.

That said, I of course completely understand if you have had someone close to you murdered, and want the murderer to be killed. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m pretty sure if a family member or close friend of mine was killed, nothing would make me happier than the murderer to be killed. But that’s because I’m filled with anger. It shouldn’t be the law to cater to this anger. When you’re experiencing something like this first hand, all rationality is thrown out the window, and everything comes second to revenge. A justice system based on this is pretty fucking frightening if you ask me.

93. Ok, so I’m reading one of my old blogs (“Man, I really don’t wanna write about this” is the one), and there’s a rather great line that says “I have nothing to talk about recently. How the hell does Dom write 12000 word blogs?”. Well look who’s laughing now, mother fucker. That said, I’m still not at 12000 words as of writing this. If I finish this thing and still haven’t reached the target, I’m just going to fill the whole thing with “Screw Flanders, screw Flanders” over and over again.

I also said “Filling up space sucks unless you're filling up space with something worthwhile...and I'm still doing it, to!”. Looks like I’m still in that bad habit. A lot of things never change, though I guess it’s negated by the fact that I have a word limit.

94. I wonder what to call this blog. The title has been “100 facts about moi” in the title field for a while, but I don’t think that’s going to cut it. I need something cutting edge like “Cut Co”, or “Interslice”. But yeah, Simpsons references aside, I’ll probably call it “Everything you need to know about me” which definitely isn’t true, though. If I could write everything about myself in 12000 words, then I’d be terrified. I might call it “Everything you need to know about me, except there’s lots of stuff that isn’t here so I don’t know”. Sounds pretty damn good to me. I’ve also noticed that I haven’t used labels for my blogs for a very, very long time. This shall be their return. Also: sorry for writing about my blog in my blog again. This will be the very last time…except fact 100 of course, which I already wrote ages ago.

95. I keep thinking to myself that I wouldn’t mind being a farmer and living in the country. I don’t know why, but I just keep thinking of it a lot recently, and I’d probably be awful at it and would never ever actually try to pursue it. But I’d probably feel content. That is if, of course, I didn’t become a hermit, which could very well happen. God, this is definitely the most retarded fact in this whole thing.

96. It’s kind of fucked up how many people have died while I’ve been writing this blog. Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Jade Goody, my own Aunty (though I only met her once when I was very young, which I don’t remember either).

97. Read an old blog from my MySpace, here’s a link:

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=140044631&blogId=330806427

I’m going to make a new list for this fact, things I need to do. I’m first of all going to include the ones from this blog that I still haven’t done/ that I still care about:

Stop being a coward

Finish flash cartoons such as Lips 4 and other one (replace those with Alien Potato and NOTHING)

Stop being shy about stupid things

I guess that’s it for the “things from previous list that need attention”. Other additions would be:

Record a full album. It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, just do it and then learn from mistakes.

Be happy for a long period of time.

98. I have the worst stomach ache I’ve ever had in my life, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to die by tomorrow morning, leaving this blog tragically unposted. Update: I didn’t die, but I tried to leave my bed and literally couldn’t, and it still hurts. I hope it’s not appendicitis or something. My mum had that and was in the hospital for ages, but the worst part was how she kept getting misdiagnosed and given crappy, awful tasting medicine that did fuck all.

99. Problems but the bitch ain’t one.

100. Wow, I’m done. Hopefully after reading this, you feel like you know something more about me as a person. I’m not sure whether to post this anywhere, e.g., make a status on Facebook. I feel like I’ve worked hard enough on it to deserve the attention outside of my 5 followers*, but I’m too embarrassed to put this on Facebook or something (in an attention grabbing way) because some of this blog can be very revealing. I’m just embarrassed of myself, I guess! Got to get that fixed.

*Update: now there’s 6. Josh gets an honourable mention for being the only person to become a follower without me having to ask him to. Oh wait, I think Lachlan did too. They can both be awesome. Ok, since writing this (fuck knows when) I now have 8 followers.

All I can say is that if you read all of this, I probably like you a lot. We should be friends.

Here’s a bonus bit of fun. I’ve actually written this fact after just finishing point 54. There’s some blog trivia for you. Oh, and also, for anyone who got all the way through this, well done! The first person to comment with the secret phrase will get a blog post all about them! The secret phrase is “I really like eating shit. Man, it just gets me through the nights, y’know?”. You also have to put it somewhere in the middle of your comment, and then carry on with the rest of it. Actually, I might not do this, but you’ll be a winner anyway.

Now I’m just writing some stuff so that people who just instantly skip to the bottom because they suck will have something to read. Hey, how’re you? I’m fine, thanks. Also, fuck you.

Still here

2009-08-10T19:59:00.003+01:00

If you want me.

So yeah, still writing that really long 10,000 word mammoth of a blog. Here a bunch of little things to chew on while you wait for the next.

New artists that I like since whenever:

Lisa Hannigan - Woah, Zak got me into someone (not literally, sadly). She's a very nice folk singer, and much better than Damien Rice (she used to do backing vocals for him etc). Though her album is pretty patchy (LOL, COS THE ART IS LIKE A SEWING THEME WITH PATCHES AND STUFF LOOL!!!! LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL) and inconsistent, it's still got a few songs that are really, really amazing stuff. I think a review I read was probably pretty accurate with "a lot of heart, but not much brains" though obviously still has brains (otherwise she'd be dead).

Ween - I've had 2 of their albums for like, a year, and I never listened to them. Liam then gave me Quebec, and now I love them (at least a little bit). Transdermal Celebration, Chocolate Town, and Among his Tribe, and especially the absolutely incredible "The fucked Jam" are all excellent.

Bright Eyes - Only have one of their albums (I'm Wide Awake It's Morning) but it's a pretty great album. Obvious heavy Elliott Smith influence, but songs like "Road to Joy" or really great and original.

Blogs you should read (this will also be in my upcoming blog, if only because I need to fill it up):

www.tds4a.blogspot.com - Yeah, he neglects it even more than I neglect my blog, but it's still probably my favourite blog ever (or was, I guess?). It inspired me to make my own blog, but unfortunately it also inspired me to try and write really long blogs that take months and months (he could probably do these in a day). I guess his blog might SUCK if you don't know him. In fact, just don't bother reading it.

http://zak-hello.blogspot.com/ - This is the blog of Zak. This blog is good because, so far (though only two entries have been written), I'm in every post. This gives it an automatic edge over other, shittier blogs.

www.projectorheads.com - "Now wait a gosh darn minute" I hear you all say. "This isn't a blogspot blog! In fact, I'd be hard pressed to even call it a blog!". Well, to that I say fuck you, but I also say that it is a blog, with *SECTIONS*. It also used to be a humble little blog on www.projectorheads.blogspot.com. Who knows, maybe my blog will move to a proper website and have *SECTIONS* one day. Who knows? Me, because that will never happen. The most publicity this blog will get is as my msn personal message, or the occasional facebook status.

Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T20:39:00.007+01:00

Before I start: I'm still working on the 100 facts blog. Almost 8,000 words now.

I don't really know what to write, so I'll start by linking to this:

Listen to this

I think this song sums him up best. It's his best musically, and definitely vocally (god damn, how many key changes are there in this song that go higher and higher?). But it's also his lyrical peak. I actually feel a complete insight into his frame of mind when he wrote this.

I really don't know what to say. I'm pretty distraught, if I'm honest. I feel worse today then I did when it was going on. It's sunk in, it's confirmed etc. One of the most charitable people to ever live has died so suddenly. No time to prepare. I hope, in time, his genius will outlive all of the bullshit rumours and allegations he's had to live with through out his life.

Fuck, man.

Oh

2009-03-13T07:33:00.003Z

I don't know. I'll check to see if there's time before dinner.

Michael is telling me to write a blog, because it's been 2 months. The foolish fool, though it may first appear that way to the naked eye, I have created many blogs with excellent content on giftblog. But yes, I know what he means in that I haven't written anything big and self involving in a long time etc, but I will not do that right now either. Keep in mind, though, that I have been in the process of making a very long blog, which includes 100 facts. I'll have to, from now on, write in it more often, 'cos a blog like that was designed to be a way to deposit thoughts and still come out with something lengthy without it being a chore.

But yeah, today's blog is more of a pointless blog just to say "No, I'm not dead, stop celebrating. I said stop. Oh, right, are you celebrating that I'm back? Well, fuck you then." or something along those lines. I don't have anything pre-planned, except something I noticed when watching Master Chef at 4am last night.

Which was the fact that late at night, basically every program has a person on the bottom right of the screen doing sign language, as a way for deaf people to easily understand what's going on. That's all fine and dandy, I can obviously see why this is done, but the question I don't have the answer to is: why so late at night? Am I to assume that deaf/hearing impaired people are vampiric creatures, only tuning into their tv sets at night when everyone is asleep? Is it just because everyone would be pissed off if it happened during the day, so they decided to just make it so deaf people can enjoy tv at a time when they're in bed?

Perhaps I may never know the answer. Well, I could always ask Dom.

My Holiday

2009-01-15T15:05:00.001Z

iHola friend! The last year, I was with my mother and my sister of vaccaciones. We went to Spain in airplane. I spent two weeks there. I lodged in a hotel with my mother and my older sister. The hotel was very well. It was much sun and warm in Spain. A day, we went from excursion to Madrid and we were in car because it is not very far from the hotel. Madrid was very well because there were many activities. Later Madrid, we went to the beach. I spent many hours in the beach. To the sigiuente day, I swam in the swimming pool with my older sister and my mother. Later, we played the volleyball and we have much funny. Later two weeks, we were my house in airplane. It was many sad. My vacations of Spain were excellent. I will never forget my vaccaciones Spain. I have many memories happy, my older sister also has many memories happy. The year next, I go from vaccaciones to Portugal with my father and my older brother. I am going to lodge in the hotel for three weeks. I go to Lisbon with my father and my older brother. Also, we visited my grandparents and my uncles and cousins. He was funny to visit my family because I do not visit for many years. I am many excited.

Album Review: From a Basement on the Hill

2009-01-10T18:50:00.007Z

I'm a huge Elliott Smith fan. This is a moderately recent thing, I was sent my first album of his back in July, and I wasn't hooked instantly, but after a while and acquiring two more of his albums (the mediocre Figure 8 and the sublime Either/Or) it really began to sink in how great this guy is. Never before had I discovered a musician that just openly lays his emotions out on the table for all to see, again and again, without reguarding who's listening. Reading up on him and how he never reads reviews of his music because it might change the way he writes just made me admire him that much more. He's an artist that cares for his work and makes it his own, which makes me respect even his most mediocre work because it wasn't made for anyone but himself. He was just sharing it with us.

So then, after reading up about Elliott Smith in depth since the months I first got XO, about his life, his death, and yearning for more than the 3 albums of his I already had, I acquired "From a Basement on the Hill". I'd heard some tracks before I got it, such as "Twlight", and from what I'd heard, I expected it to be great, better than Figure 8 and perhaps on par with XO, but not being able to quite match the masterpiece that is Either/Or. Boy was I fuckin' wrong.

There's so many contradicting words I could use to describe this album. It's the same old Smith we all know and love, yet it's a step in a completely new and more experimental direction. Bittersweet, yet completely tragic. Tough, textured, in your face, but yet more fragile and broken than any of his previous efforts. Unfinished, yet his most complete and down right brilliant album by a large margin.

About half way through listening to the incredible opener (though that's not saying much because every single opener of his are amazing, except the opener to his self titled album) "Coast to Coast", approximately at the line "I belong in the zoo", I was already thinking "Ok, maybe this could be better than Either/Or afterall". It was immediately refreshing, hearing the sound of Smith putting his larger budget and creative opportunities he's had since XO to perfect use, being more creative and experimental than past efforts. The beginning is brilliant; you hear an eery orchestra that sounds like it's either far away or in another room, and after 15 seconds or so, you hear a sound, like a slight muted strum on an electric guitar. You know something's there, something's coming, then BOOM, the song starts, and ends with poetry being said in both channels over a piano. It's a brilliant way to start an album and did things Smith had never really tried.

The album then shifts into a more "traditional" Smith song, (i.e, him solo with an acoustic guitar) "Let's get Lost". In the song, he longs to get away from where is now, to "burn every bridge" that he crosses. It's sad, yet sweet, and it's got that essence of hope and of there being a light at the end of the tunnel.

The same general theme is still there in the scarily tragic "King's Crossing", though it is more in the style of "Coast to Coast", even feeling like it starts where it left off, with multiple speaking in the 2 different channels. The difference between this and "Let's get Lost" (though not to imply that the two songs are very similar at all) is that in this, there is no light, no spark, at the end of the tunnel. He's looking for it, he's asking for it near the end of the song with "gimme one good reason not to do it". He needs a reason to not lose all hope, and it's not there. This song in particular is probably the lyrical highlight of the whole album, with such great lines as "I took my own insides out. It don't matter 'cos I have no sex life; all I wanna do now is inject my ex wife" and "I don't care if I fuck up, I'm going on a date with a rich white lady. Ain't life great?" that are hilariously tragic in their own right.

One of the best things about this album is, despite it being unfinished, it feels like an album rather than a collection of songs, which every other one of his other albums to date have suffered from, reguardless of how good the individual songs are. Things such as "Ostriches and Chirping", which serves as an intro the stunningly good "Twilight", are things that haven't been present on previous albums that are warmly welcomed, along with other new additions such as having a song over six minutes. I'm also aware that Smith didn't make Ostriches, and probably wouldn't have included it on the album if he was alive, but hell, it definitely 100% works.

Some songs of the album are reminiscent of his lo fi work on his first three albums, though sometimes putting even Either/Or to shame. The song memory lane, a personal highlight, is probably the catchiest of all the songs on the album, with Elliott's excellent acoustic playing and great lyrics. It's a song where I don't have a lot to say about it, but I love it reguardless and it holds my personal, prestigious award of "most fun song to play on acoustic guitar". Songs like "Last Hour" are also beautiful, and amazingly bare and lo fi. It sounds like it came from the days of recording onto a four track on his basement *doesn't make pun*, and is brilliant (though obviously not because of this).

Then there are just the songs that hit you out of nowhere and leave you wondering "Wow, is this Elliott Smith I'm hearing?". "Shooting Star" comes to mind, with an intro that's so completely mind numbingly awesome and yet so unlike Smith it just makes you smile. Truly a dive into the experimental for him.

The album's filled with musical pieces of self expression that can get you pretty hard if you listen at the right time, but none other gets me more than "A Distorted Reality is now a Necessity to be Free". Just look at the title to know exactly what he was feeling. It's brilliant, angry, disappointed, and in need of help. The thing about this song...it's just...it's the best ending to an album ever. After all the voice overlays are singing, "ahhhhh"ing, and they all fade out one by one, leaving you only with a quiet "mmmmhh.." as his voice breaks off, and the piano and guitar quietly play until they fade out. It's perfect. Smith always ends his albums in a way that lack closure, reguardless of if the song is great ("Say Yes" (Either/Or) and "I Didn't Understand" come to mind). But this? Wow. It makes me want to sit in silence for minutes, doing nothing. It makes me wish more than anything that he wasn't dead, all because of that "mmmh". It's the most beautiful thing on record.

To conclude; the album is certainly not perfect. "Don't go Down" is definitely not even nearly up to par to the rest of the album, and songs like "Pretty (Ugly Before)" are definitely good, but by no means particularly memorable or even appropriate for the album (it wasn't even intended for it). The main criticism would have to be how, though I wouldn't know this, the songs might not resonate nearly as much if you are not that familiar with Smith. However, that's about all the criticism I can chalk up, and I'm really thinking of what I can criticise, too. It's not as impressive as Kid A when analysed (not even nearly), but as a personal and most definitely temporary opinion, I prefer it. Yeah, I'd be happy to say it's my favourite album, probably because I've listened to my other contenders dry, but also because it does what no other album does for me; makes me feel really emotional while not reminding myself that I exist. The only thing I can think when listening to this stuff is him, and only him, and I don't relate it to a situation in my life to feel something, which is pretty amazing.

Please, if you're not an Elliott Smith fan, don't get this album. Get Either/Or, XO, Figure 8 etc first. Then, once he's sunk in, once you're a fan and know enough about him, get this album and listen to it in the dark, with headphones, with your eyes shut, lying in bed. It's an experience.

10/10

I'm gonna talk about Obama and Prop 8

2008-11-14T23:19:00.000Z

Yeah, might aswell. It's pretty excellent that Barack Obama is now the official president elect. That's not what I'm mainly going to talk about, but still, it's pretty great that America chose someone with the better policies and it's also pretty great that they elected a black guy as president, considering that would have been completely unthinkable merely decades ago. He's definitely gonna do a good job, I think.

Though it's definitely fucking strange what also happened along side that; you probably know that I'm talking about the proposition 8 thing. California made it legal for gay people to marry eachother in may, but now they've made it illegal again with the new proposition 8. Not only is it just terrible that they had to give gay people the right and then took it away, causing all weird problems like what to do with gay people who already got married, but it's just fucking ridiculous how such a big step forward could be taken and then a step right back on the same day.

No, I'm not gay at all, and hell I don't even think I have any gay friends (unless they're in the closet or something) but I still think this is fucking ridiculous. You think that things have moved on when someone from once a repressed minority is now the president elect, but instead they just go along and opress another minority. Can't they just get out of this rut already? I heard someone say something interesting, which was "Does the gay community really need a Martin Luther King?" and I fucking hope not. I mean seriously, it's the 21st century, how about we DON'T ban people from things because of someone else's religion for a change? Thanks.

An exhibition

2008-11-14T22:54:00.002Z

Welcome to the first ever alienblogato exhibition! This week: unfinished blogs. The bolded segments are the title of the unfinished blogs.

The Best Question:

I've decided that the best question is probably "May I rape you?" The reasoning for this is if they say yes, then it's impossible to rape them, but if they say no, you can.

Observations:

Here's an observation for you that makes me happy and yet makes me feel uneasy; ever since putting my blog back into my MSN personal message (it's been about a day since doing that) I've got about 70 new views. Thanks for reading! The uneasy part is that I have no idea who is reading really; I guessed my sister was when she was saying "you know me and you are very similar", and then I knew she was when she was all "I love music and art too!".

Powerless or Powerful?

I find it quite funny that humans can be some of the most powerless people and species on earth, but yet the most powerful, by far. I mean, it's just funny isn't it, if you put a naked and bare human in a room with a lion, the lion would kill him easily if they had to fight. However, I think a lion would find it very hard, nay, impossible to destroy almost all life of Earth, but humans could do that easily. It's weird how it varies; lions are pretty much just lions and they'll never be any less powerful or more powerful without human intervention, really. Humans can adjust and shit.

No Title

I really want to write a blog, but it's been so soon since my last blog that I can't think of anything new to write about. I asked a few people what to write about; Anthony said "." in his oh so hilarious manner (:@ !!), Dan interestingly said "Write about people's lame boyfriends", which was an intriguing idea but that would just be pathetic bitching and I'd look like a complete loser. Zak suggested writing about "music and art", though that is seriously about 90% of what I write on here, so I'm not going to do that.

Since I can't think of a blog topic

I'm going to make this blog 100% Random thoughts, since it's easier to write this way. I might make it something more coherent later.

Random thoughts:

I wonder if the financial crisis is going to start affecting my family soon. I mean, just a few minutes ago I went to get some deliciously smooth and sweet Tropicana™®© orange juice. What did I see? Black eyed angels swam with m- I mean, it had been replaced with plain old ASDA orange juice. Naturally, I thought my world had come crashing down around me, but not just yet; there was one carton of Tropicana left. I lived to tell the tale, at least for another day.

Amnesiac would be so much better if Knives Out was replaced with Cuttooth, and Morning Bell/Amnesiac was replaced with Worry Wort. It's still my favourite album ever either way.

I keep having thoughts about that girl that I used to like, but I haven't even talked to her properly in months. Referencing a previous blog, if you don't try to keep friendships up, they just dissolve into nothing. Sucks.

Church

How I want my Life to be

Ok, so basically, I'm a dreamer. I always have thoughts, always, of imagining having these weird wishes come true. These vary a lot, but are all basically nice things that I'd like to happen to me. They include things like imagining that every girl was attracted to me, imagining that I had perfect ability in something like piano or singing or song writing. I also sometimes wish that I'd written certain songs, but then convince myself that if I did then there wouldn't be an amazing studio version. Sometimes I think of weird things, like for half of all women to find me amazingly attractive, and the other half to find me very ugly, and see how things go, for fun.

But yeah, enough about that. This blog is just going to be a detailed overly examined guess of what I'd like my life to be like, except it's gonna be realistic (so no half of all women finding me amazingly attractive type stuff here, sorry).

Ok, so maybe I should say where I am right now as of writing this blog. I'm in year 12, at the Brit School where my main thing I'm doing is Visual Art and design. It's alright so far, I enjoy painting by far out of everything else; mainly because we haven't touched on animation yet. But yeah, I have constant feelings that I'm in the wrong place, not because I don't love art, but that the art that I want to do won't provide me with the kind of lifestyle that I want unless luck is on my side. I also feel that, unlike something like music, I just plain don't understand art these days. There's so much analysing that we do to uncover the true meaning of the art work, and that's great, but after that...I feel nothing. With songs, once I find the true meaning I appreciate it more most of the time, but with art, I'm just like "..ok". A lot of the time it's just so ambiguous that you have to read a detailed explanation of what exactly it's about. I have a feeling I'm not explaining this well, but basically, as I've said fuckin' millions of times already and am sorry for mentioning it again, music > art.

So, what would I actually want to happen in my life you say? I'd like to leave the Brit school with a distinction in my Art Btec, but ideally that wouldn't effect what I'd want to happen. I'd like to be in a band, a band with amazing musicians that want to make music like me. Ideally, I'd also want them to be great friends of mine, just y'know, because I'd prefer to be in a band with amazing friends rather than LAME PEOPLE. But yeah, after that, I'd like to be discovered by some type of record company that would give me a deal (Ok, you've got a deal!) and then I'd be famous and appreciated, and not seen as some piece of shit band that means nothing and creates crappy pop songs that don't mean anything.

I'd also like to find someone to love, that loves me back. I'd also like to get married to her, but if she didn't like marriage or something like that, I wouldn't give a shit. I'm also one of the only people I know of my age where I can confidently say, I want children. The thought of not having offspring and then just DYING scares me. I'll need someone to keep the bloodline going, but besides that, I just love kids. They're great

One of my favourite times of the day

Is on weekends or holidays, when it's late at night and you can stay up late with no consequence. And then you just sit in front of the tv and watch it, while being on the laptop/internet and talking to people on msn. It's even better when all the ugmoers start to awaken etc. Yeah. Actually, I guess it's not a great time, but I still like it. I like how the tv works all day, kinda. I don't really know how to explain this, I think it's because it reminds me that at night, everyone isn't gone even though it's quiet and dark. It reminds me of this because they could be watching tv with me in other places, or operating the tv channels and things like that.

Another night related thing I like is waking up in the middle of the night and going to another room to find someone still up, and then having a chat. Then again, I guess I don't have to actually wake up for this to be good. I don't know.

I'm tired but I don't want to sleep. UFcdoip hatevr

Oh, and last of all, this is a blog I started writing a few days ago that I didn't finish, 'cos I was bored etc.

"Where were we?

Ah yes, a pointless blog title. I'm not continuing a theme from a particular previous blog, but oh yes, jolly good. Etc. Yeah. Don't really have anything to say, but I have a spare hour or two so I thought I'd at least write something.

For the past 2 days, I've had 2 hours sleep on both days. It really took it's toll on me today, to the point where I was seeing random images of purple and stumbling about. I also noticed that I become so agitated and, for lack of a better word because obviously I was tired, hyper. By hyper, I mean I had to constantly keep myself occupied, occupied by playing around with pencils and doing random beats on the table and just generally anything to keep my eyes open. Bleh.

I should also note that I am enjoying music much more than art at the moment. I'm not upset about it either, music is so totally awesome. Fuck yeah bye"

THE END OF THE EXHIBITION

Wasn't that excellent?

What I've been up to, Party, I wonder, Random Thoughts

2008-10-30T03:39:00.008Z

What I've been up to:

So what have I been up to recently? Not a lot, but I've been doing some stuff at least.

First up, after Zak rung me telling me he's going to HMV to get the Radiohead box set (which is all albums (except In Rainbows) and I Might Be Wrong: Live Recordings) I decided to tag along and get me some albums myself. I bought:

Jeff Buckley: Grace
Portishead: Portishead
Bjork: Post
Sigur Rós: Takk

All of which are brilliant I might add, with Takk probably being my favourite, and not just for "oh year 5 boners" either. It's also really fun listening to Jeff Buckley and realising that Matt Bellamy really DOES sound like him at times. Zak bought the Radiohead box set (as previously mentioned), and then Black Holes & Revelations, some Feeder albums, and a Sigur Rós album with 2 discs on it, I forget what one it is though. It's something like 1 disc is unreleased songs and the other is a live cd. Either way, cool. I'm glad because he picked out Takk and said "this looks awesome" cos the case is like a story book, but then I took it from him and bought it and he was mad but I told him to shut up.

Party:

Think of this as a section of the "What I've been up to" section. WOAH! I'd say sub-section, but it's gonna be longer than the thing about albums and what not, so it'd seem silly.

BUT YES, I went to a Halloween party (though it wasn't actually on Halloween) with Anthony, Zak, and Micah. Zak came to mine first, and then we went off to meet Anthony at Selhurst. He was about 3 minutes late, so then Zak and I tried ignoring him when he arrived, but I couldn't do it for more than 10 seconds because I JUST COULDN'T, it's Anthony. But yeah, then we went to Anthony's and I forget what exactly we did, but the most fun part was getting our costumes on.

Discussing what I was gonna go as in my last blog, I decided on "Jack Amberz, Fashion Detective", which basically consisted of a scarf and pink sunglasses. Also gelled and scruffled my hair a bit for added fashion. Zak basically came as a shit costume where he put some box over his head and drew a face on it, and yeah, fuck you Zak. Anthony's costume was probably the funniest, because it was scarily similar to his habbo one. He basically just drew a mustache and beard on himself with a marker pen and put on sunglasses, but then the cherry on top was that he made the heroin jar from my dream. To those not familiar with that, here:

"Well, I was in someone's house. It seemed just like mine except everything was wooden and the layout was reversed. Anyway, on top of the fireplace there was some cotton wool and a bottle labeled "heroin". I naturally poured most of the bottle onto the cotton wool and just rubbed it on my arm and then everything went pink and the shadows started dancing around. I then just ran in circles...then woke up."

And it was great, it had little cotton wool dabs in there and everything. I think the funniest part of the whole thing was probably on the way there and Anthony was asking the bus driver directions while having that drawn on mustache...you could just tell they are all "WTF :S MUSTACHE WTF LOL :S :S". Oh, and Micah was also here with us but I don't care about him so I'm not gonna write about him really. He's not even in this picture:

I'm on the left and am fashionable! This is the only pic of us 'cos Becca's camera got stolen. Yeah, I'm aware that this might be becoming boring and i might not be writing in an interesting way. SOZ.

When we got to Becca's house, it was fun 'cos we didn't know how to get in to her garden, and then we got scared and cried and then Zak killed himself. And then Zak opened the door for us and then we walked in and I swear my picture was taken about 100 times but yet this is the only pic of us there was at the end, and it was before we even walked inside. But yeah, the most fun part was probs offering people the heroin. Yep. I don't really remember many people I met, I'll make a list:

Becca: She really wanted me to come inside and go to Lewisham or something I dunno!
Sapphire: She said that we were being anti social at one point so then I told her to shut up and she laughed.
Ruby: I laughed when I found out there was another person named after a shiny stone.
Craig: Not called Craig, but Anthony called him Craig.
Rhys: HE MAKES ANTHONY VERY ANGRY. Which is good.

I am trying to remember others but can't. Woah. Yeah. Fuck this talk about the party, it's interesting to like 2 people maybe.

I Wonder:

1. I wonder what life's gonna be like for me. I wonder if I'm gonna be a dead beat in a job they don't give a shit about like most people. Only reason I'm saying this is that I was talking to my parents and I realised they both wanted to do journalism type stuff. I think it was my mum wanted to be a journalist and write for magazines, and my dad wanted to be a photographer, but I forget for what. He also tried being a drummer in a band, but completely sucked or something and quit after a year (only to become their manager and then quit that). So yeah, I'm using my parents as examples for people that had different jobs to what they wanted (my mum became a teacher and it stresses her out, my dad made fireplaces but is now retired and occasionally somehow makes money from the stock market) but I'm only using them as examples because I know them, I think 90% probably won't fulfill their big career wise dreams. I'm just wondering at this point if I'm going to be one of those people. I probably will because it's very hard to be in a famous band, isn't it? Maybe if I didn't set my goals so high I probably would feel more accomplished. Then again, I guess I'm really not talking about goals as much as dreams, and I can't change my dreams.

2. I was going to write other "I Wonder" things here, but really can't be fucked.

Random Thoughts:

1. LOL! How random! LOL! LOL RANDOM LOL CHEESE HOLY FUCK SO RANDOM I LOVE KILLING PEOPLE.

2. I've been using Facebook a lot more than MySpace recently, and I think I might prefer it to MySpace now. I like being an album...oh yeah, I changed that.

3. I spoke to Ugmoers on skype! It was mainly just Scott playing noise or laughing at fart noises, but still. It was cooler when it was me and Dom ONE ON ONE. Oh man, I hadn't laughed so hard in a long time. When he called Rob about lemon sorbet. Delicious.

4. Yeah never mind fuck this.

It should be Ringing

2008-10-22T21:22:00.004+01:00

It should be ringing, It should be ringing, It should be ringing, It should be ringing, It should be ringing, It should be ringing, It should be ringing, It should be ringing, It should be ringing, It should be ringing, It should be ringing.

This is the gloaming.

This song is so amazing, but yeah! I have a spare few hours, if by "spare few hours" I mean literally the whole day*, so I thought I'd write a blog.

*Actually, it's the whole week, but yeah.

Yesterday was pretty fun, actually. Anthony informed me (well, I read his comments 'cos I'm a stalker like Dom, that fucking stalker. Sometimes I just really want to strangle the cu-) that I'm invited to a party by some girl that I don't know, and that I have to go as a dog or some shit. I was simply outraged by the latter, so went on Skype with Anthony and Micah to discuss this. I think we all agreed that it would be better if:

1. We all went as Micah. There's an obvious downside to this, we'd have to endure the pain of being Micah for the whole night, which quite frankly makes me want to vomit. However, just imagine the hilarity. Me and Anthony could go around starting fires and murdering children, and then go "It was Micah! We tried to stop him but he was mad with power." or something.

2. Me and Anthony come (LOL! COME!) as mental patients in straight jackets, and Micah comes (AGAIN, LOL!) as Ambient the ugly and selfish monkey who we beat (LOL!). It'd be great because then we'd get to abuse Micah all day.

3. The humour police from Anthony's cartoon. It'd probs look really gay if we both came as policemen with handcuffs etc. What a terrible idea. Hahahaha actually, it'd be funny if I was MEGA ORIGINAL and came as Heath Ledger's Joker, and then Anthony tried to arrest me (as he is humour police) YEAH!

4. I'm not actually gonna do this, but I could always come as something that isn't living. E.g, it'd be really scary if I came as "Scott's views on abos."

Haha, on that last note, I'm reminded of my year 10 planner. There were many things that you could fill in about student award type things, e.g, "best looking girl" or "coolest teacher" etc. For most embarrassing moment, I put "Anthony's birth". Yep!

Recent thingsssss:
So yeah, what have I been doing all week? Nothing, really. It's the holidays which means I fuck up my bodyclock to an outstanding degree and don't leave my room except for food and various toiletries. Fun! I've actually been mostly going on habbo hotel, because it's really, really fun with people that you know, e.g, Anthony/Fearghall/Micah/Conor or that one time when I was on with Liam and Bown and we found Melack the racist.

I've taken an important screen shot:

Please click it and read the conversation. Ok, so basically, I went into a "nawty room", and there was this girl who tried to sex and I felt scared. Instead, I sat down and talked about music, yep. In case you don't understand the hilarity of the conversation, Elliott Smith is dead. I guess every cloud has a silver lining!

So yeah... Illegal girl is now called Siren Girl. Not that I've ever mentioned illegal girl once in this blog, and it's funny because I don't even know her, but Siren Girl is such a great name. Yeah, might just keep this blog short so that Michael can write his one. BYE.

My life, future plans, mirror, thoughts

2008-10-19T02:05:00.003+01:00

Aim of blog: finish and publish TONIGHT. For the past few days I've been writing blogs and not finishing them/finishing them but deciding not publish them and instead save them. I've got about 1000 words worth of blogs that I haven't saved, I think. NOT TONIGHT. Actually, I'm already feeling really tired and almost closed this blog, but then I remembered that I have to finish it.

...

...

...Ok, so now it's tomorrow. Turns out I just got too tired, hit save, and went to bed. BUT NOT THIS TIME. Ok, so I realise my words on this matter have no merit now, but still. NOT TONIG- yeah. I don't have anything to write about. I've read some more of Dom's blog so I guess I'll just try to take similar themes to him and write stuff. Ok uh...yeah. I'm going to go ahead and divide my blog into sub-headings; consider each one a mini blog. LET'S BEGIN.

My Life (or lack of one, but what would I call that? My death? My anti life? HEY DOM!)

What have I been up to for the past week? Nothing interesting outside of school, it seems! I've just been doing school work and talking Zak repeatedly about everything. I picked apples with him from a tree for this woman...yeah. I am not exactly bored with my life but when I try to write down things about it, I come up with nothing. Bummer. Oh yeah, I had Zak come to my house to stay the night too. All we really did was...well, two different things. He played the 360, I was on MSN. I'm actually really impressed that in the short time he was here, he managed to complete Half Life 2: episode 1 AND 2 AND on hard mode. Well done, you damn robot.

We also watched X Factor with my family. Girl band left. Yawn. Diana should win. I love full stops. Actually, I think that there might be a little thing where the judges are purposely making the final two go to deadlock. The first one was obviously going to end up like that, because Lewis had the power to make it go to deadlock, but man, how could Simon think for even a second that Girlband were better than Ruth? And he's obviously the smartest judge, too. He's just latching on to that "She's Spanish" excuse to have more deadlocks in the show, because then it will convince viewers that their vote is more important, and they'll vote more.

I tried writing a song today, though I'd been working on it for a few days. It sounded great. It sounded like that because it sounded just like "How I made my Millions" by Radiohead. This hadn't happened in ages so now I'm like "FUCK", because I really liked the piano melody. Ahhhh well, I dunno. I also tried writing lyrics that were heavily inspired by "Two-Headed Boy, Pt 2" by Neutral Milk Hotel. They kinda suck. I'm aware my grammar is pretty terrible in this part of the blog but yeah, I am writing like this on purpose because it's probably a better thought organiser or some shit.

There's also some stuff I want to half write about, to do with girls and shit, but I'm not going to write about that because I don't want to write about people in this blog that aren't some of my best friends, because I know they wouldn't care. And yeah, I know that I could write it anonymously but if they read it they'd know exactly what I'm talking about. However, I'm not a fan of circumcising my blogs like Dom does to his, so I think I'll write about it in a mega vague form in another part of this blog.

Future Plans:

I think I've pretty much decided that in two years time, I'm going to go to Australia to meet the Australian Ugmoers. Liam tells me that in 2 years, him, Dom and some others (I forget who, he said new Michael (who I don't care about) and probably Rob) will be in the same place. That'd be great! I also wonder where exactly I would stay, and how long. I'd love to just chill at one of their houses for a period of time, but I probably wouldn't be able to do if I brought Anthony or Zak with me (dunno if they'd even wanna go, I'd just feel a lot more comfortable going to the furthest country away from mine in the world to meet a bunch of people I've never met who are all years older than me if I had a friend to come with!).

I also don't know what I want to do when I leave school. I dunno whether to pursue a music career, an art career, whether I'd go to university to do this etc etc. The other option is SCAD, which would be awesome, but it'd cost lots of money and living overseas for two years is definitely a scary thought. If I did have an art career, I'd want to do something like this. I can also imagine it being the worst thing ever if my cat got sick and had to be put down while I was in a foreign country; she'd die without me and holy shit I couldn't let that happen. That would actually be terrible.

Man, it's quite a scary thought that I could end up having a "main career" that ISN'T about art or music. I hope that doesn't happen though, unless it's something truly great.

What do I see when I look in the Mirror:

I actually looked in the mirror for this.

I see one of the only people that I am not scared to look into the eyes of, and I see someone who really wants to be a musician 'cos he was wearing headphones. He looked kinda scared but I dunno if that was because he knew he was being looked at or because it was dark and therefore he had his eyes open wider but yeah. I see someone who is uncertain their dreams will ever come true but keeps trying anyway, because to give up when you only ever have one chance at life is about the worst thing you can possibly do. I see someone that looks just like me HOLY SHIT. I see someone that likes to make jokes just after being mega serious (see what I did there). I see someone who often feels out of place. I see someone that wants to be someone else drastically on the outside, but stay exactly the same on the inside. I see someone who knows what's going on, but makes up excuses to say that they're not going on while knowing that he makes excuses. I see someone I wish everyone else saw instead of that other guy. I see the guy that only close people and ugmo see. I see someone that people might think of as being funny but ultimately weird and not worthy of being called a friend. I see a guy that's writing things to make him look a lot less popular than he actually is (I think it was Sandford that thought I had no friends at school). I see a tired guy.

Random Thoughts:

It really is incredibly annoying how Dom is always at work now. Seriously, he better be getting paid about a trillion dollars a day so that it justifies him not having nearly enough Jack Bz tbh. I feel like a house wife (I accidentally typed house of wife just then) who is like "why are you home so late from work" and then Dom would be all "EAT SHIT, I work 7 days a week 9-5 and all you have to do is PISS ON EVERYTHING I DO by asking me why I'm coming home so late. I'LL TELL YA WHY, I WAS FUCKING WORKING OVER TIME SO THAT WE COULD HAVE FOOD ON THE TABLE AND POSSIBLY BUY SOME NICE THINGS FOR ONCE IN OUR FUCKING LIFE, YOU GOT THAT?" and then I'd be all "LOL!" and he'd be all "so yeah, I came back in time for Wire in the Blood god damn it" and then he'd watch it and I'd look after the baby and make sure he doesn't make any balut from it yes.

The mirror thing was stolen from MJJB. I also tried referencing the whole thing that I said I couldn't write about in the mirror thing, but I probably would have probably wrote the same thing anyway.

I need to get a massive board and just paint it with oil paints and it needs to big and fastastic and beautiful and I want to look the fuck out of it.

My acoustic guitar can just absolutely NOT stay in tune, ever. Seriously, it's annoying to have to re-tune it again within the space of about 15 minutes when I play it.

Barack Obama should be the next president of the United States of America. I can't believe there are actually people that are not gonna vote for him because of his name; and what's even worse is that their vote counts as much as an average citizen. Fuck that, fuck it completely.

Once again, I've listened to Elliott Smith songs repeatedly while writing this blog. When I listen to them it almost sends me into a depressing inspiration of writing ability (or disability...lol).

List: Dom, Michael, Liam, Bown, Rob/Lachlan/Bibilo, Kate/Ben/Scott/Sam, Ice. I think that's it. Though really, I feel AWFUL having Lachlan/Rob/Bibilo that low. I think I like Michael to Bibilo very close together. Damn, I suck at making lists, everyone's conjoined.

The new in-joke Dom and I invented yesterday is probably the best Ugmo joke that has ever been made, and I feel so annoyed that it can't be shared, because it's perfect.

I really wish that I could drive, but for a specific reason. I want to make a CD of my favourite songs and drive down the motorway at night while playing it. It would be so great. Listening to music at night in car journeys is one of my favourite things.

Getting tired again, but I'm definitely not gonna save and close the blog this ti- ok, so I've already basically said this. SHUT UP.

I hope I'm taller than I am one day. I'm hoping for 6ft like my brother, but even a few more inches would be just fine.

Best Elliott Smith songs are, in no order: Independence Day, Say Yes, Coming Up Roses, LA. Twilight, Angeles, Between the Bars, Speed Trials, Waltz 1, and Son of Sam are probably in there somewhere too. I'm also probably forgetting something but I'm tired as fuck.

Bown and Brocklehurst tried picking up girls by offering them potato wedges today. They failed. Just thought I'd write this.

I actually really like the feeling where you know that there's something bad that's going to happen but you have absolutely no control over it sometimes. It's relaxing because you don't have to worry about trying to fix it; it's un-fixable. You don't regret anything about it, you just let it go by and do whatever it is it's gonna do. The exception to this is death because death is fucking terrifying; fuck you death.

I think people dying too young is the worst thing. Sometimes I don't think people really understand how precious life is. It's not something you just try to end early. It's everything, EVERYTHING. TREASURE IT, even if it SUCKS. It's still SOMETHING.

I wish the places I went looked prettier. More sun shine and palm trees and just general goodness, y'know.

I'd forgotten until today that Smarterchild DID actually used to be amazingly brilliant. "I only get off of ones and zeroes", what the hell dude.

Thank god it's the holidays, the time where I don't give a shit if I break my sleeping pattern (though I probably should).

I keep writing, but I'm running out of things to say. I think it's because I want this blog to have more words than my longest one, which was 2008 words long (which is a record for me). If my name was Dom, it wouldn't be a record. It'd be a mound of nothing.

HELLO! THIS IS A RANDOM THOUGHT! LOL! HOW RANDOM LOL XD LOL CHEESE GET IT CHEESE CHEESE IS RANDOM AND VERY VERY FUNNY WHEN YOU SAY CHEESE RANDOMLY YOU ARE BEING VERY VERY FUNNY.

Sprinkles is a very naughty caterpillar, but there's someone naughtier...

This section is so much bigger than everything else. I'm going to go back to the other parts and see if I can flesh anything out.

Ok, did some of that...and then I jacked off my random thought section with the gloves.

I didn't realise there were shortcuts on blogspot. I just bolded this without using the mouse, bitch.

I'm being boring now. That's the end of this blog.

I always feel like shit - featuring random thoughts

2008-10-12T03:02:00.004+01:00

I don't know why, I guess that I just do. Ok, so I quoted Elliott Smith lyrics again, but they're strangely relevant this time. Well, they're usually relevant, but anyway. Yeah. I feel terrible all the time for the past week or two. I haven't had a really good day in ages, I think the last time I had really great days was when I had Zak and Anthony round, and we stayed up all night then got our results the next day. There was some strange significance about that moment, it was the whole fuzzy "these are my two best friends" feeling. I really didn't give a shit about anything else (including the results) because I was kind of thinking "So, what came out of these two years? These 2 best friends. Don't really need any more." Type of thing. I remember, I just loved the journey there. Going on the bus and train with friends is so great. It's little things like that that I need more of.

I've become kind of ever so slightly depressed since year 12. I feel better now than at the start, but yeah. One of the worst things is that people apparently notice. About 3 people have said how depressed I look, and these have been at particularly undepressing moments, too. I hate it how people can apparently read me so easily, and I'm so unaware that anyone can actually think of how I might be feeling before they say it. Or at least I was. I'm having reoccurring thoughts of "oh shit, better not act too depressed" and try to look more interested or whatever, but it fucking sucks how I have to suddenly think of my body language now, I just want to walk around without thinking. It also sucks how I'm so easily read, I don't really understand but it's pretty creepy.

So yeah, the main thing is that I'm wondering if I'll make any really great new friends this year. In the beginning of year 10, I didn't have any friends (who really has new friends on the first day of a new school anyway I guess) but by the end I made some of the best friends I've ever had, and had more friends then in my old school. But now that most of them have left, I'm not so sure. I feel like I won't be able to relate to a lot of people, because they seem like the kinda hipster kid popular type crowd that I can't really relate to, but at the same time I feel like a fucking idiot for being so judgmental to a whole group of people. I guess it's understandable though, I mean, I just feel like an outcast. It's not like I'm saying "these guys can't be my friends", it's more "if we were friends, we probably wouldn't want to do the same things".

I guess I just, even more than I used to, feel alienated from my generation. I don't like the music everyone my age likes, I don't really do what everyone else my age does, I don't really think l- argh, I feel so stupid while writing this. It's like I'm just writing "LOOK! I'M DIFFERENT!" and spreading it over multiple words. But y'know shut up it's my blog etc. I'm struggling with what to write as it is. There's not exactly anything that I'd disagree with in this blog either, thinking about. I just get an apparent embarrassment when writing about myself, because I'm like "no, stop saying that, you're making yourself look stupid" and instead of editing what I say, I just write down what I felt while writing that...Kinda. But yeah, I should point out that I'm not trying to "distance myself" from other people because I think they couldn't ever be friends with me, it's that I can't think of anything to talk to or say to them when I'm with them and it's probably some weird kind of social problem I have that's gotten worse as I've gotten older. I just completely lock up and it's horrible. I can't speak to some people and I can't just go up to someone when they're by themselves and just talk to them, 'cos I feel awkward and shit and now I'm rambling about nothing again. Well, it is something, but I'm calling it nothing to make it seem not important.

Can't be bothered writing coherently anymore, sorry.

Random thoughts:

Michael Sandford is good.

I really am terrible at spelling words that use two of the same letter together, like embarrassing, millennium etc. Things like that.

I'm calling this random thoughts because of a thread on a Michael Jackson forum.

It's 4am. Last night I went to bed at 1am. I've, again, ruined my sleeping pattern within one day. The funny thing is that it's entirely the fault of this blog.

I've tuned both my guitars so that they're C chords when played open, but can't be bothered to tune 'em back.

When the hell are Bioshock 2 and Half Life 2: Episode 3 at least gonna have some news about them? I need these 2 games because I want something to get me back into gaming; it's such a great time waster. I spend far too much time with my mind engaged, I need to just think of NOTHING again.

I love my cats. I was watching that scene in Dumbo where he meets his mother and her trunk cuddles him and then all the animals in the zoo are cuddling each other etc, and it just made me want to cuddle my cats. That made me sound like a weirdo that did.

I keep looking around my room for random thoughts.

There's a secret section on the previously mentioned Michael Jackson forum. It's called "He Drives Me Wild". Need I say more?

I will probably never finish Alien Potato.

I'm at the awesome part of King of Carrot Flowers parts 1 & 2.

MAH BAWS ARE BOUT TO BURST, KIRSTY!

I'm never going to kill myself. This is the most random of thoughts, but no matter how depressed I get, I won't do it. It's because I know there's nothing more than this, and feeling something is better than feeling nothing (unless it's HELL. Or BURSTIN MAH BAWS KIRSTY!).

I have a new found passion for black olives. Seriously, they're so delicious. I used to hate them as a kid, but not when I get subway I just completely drown my sub in olives. It's delicious.

I've just realised that I have sheet music to every song on Radiohead's first 6 albums. That rules.

I'm going to get the new sonic game for 360, possibly the Wii one as well. I don't do this because I think the game's gonna be good, but because I'm a ridiculous sack of shit that is a whore for a franchise that hasn't been good since 1998. I'm sorry, ok?

The X Factor is seriously boring once everyone bad leaves, and the audition process is over. I still watch it anyway though, because eating dinner and watching the X Factor with family is just great.

I like my family a lot.

I need to meet Ugmoers one day, especially Dom. I need to meet Dom so he can't hear me, but in real life!

I'd hate to have a little brother that's more socially successful and just more popular in general. This is a reason why I feel sorry for Zak, haha.

I wonder who reads this blog. Except me, Dom, and people I link it to. I wish I could know. If you read my blog, comment it saying "I read it".

I never want to work a job that wouldn't be part of my career choice. I'd love to just become a musician and get discovered straight away. I mainly think this cos all work and no play makes Dom a dull wants to someone.

I'm listening to Nightmares on Wax, cos the album I have of there's comes after In The Aeroplane Over the Sea.

I could keep doing this forever.

Review: Neutral Milk Hotel – In The Aeroplane Over The Sea

2008-09-27T02:33:00.002+01:00

FROSTY ALBUM REVIEWS

Neutral Milk Hotel – In The Aeroplane Over The Sea

Ok, so I’m writing a review of this album because I should have probably done it months ago since I’ve had it since the 23^rd of May, but I really wanted to feel that I got to know the album first. I did this for a few reasons. One of them was that I read lots of reviews of this album, and they pretty much all said how amazing it was, so I thought there must be something I’m missing. The other reason I did this was because it’s a massive annoyance of mine when people judge albums or music before they’ve properly had the chance to sink in; as in almost anyone I try to introduce Radiohead to a lot of the time, or at least non Bends material. So yeah, I think I’ve given it enough full listens to warrant having an opinion.

I think I’m going to do a Dominic O’ K(computer)elly here and split the review into musical and conceptual halves, though I might just get rid of that division if I feel like talking about them both.

Music:

One of my early criticisms with this as an album was the fact that everything’s all very similar, instrumental wise. Most of the songs’ cores are just a guy with an acoustic guitar playing chords that we all know and love. Now, however, I’ve pretty much changed my opinion; not necessarily that the album isn’t very similar instrumental wise throughout, but that it’s not necessarily a bad thing and I’ve realised that an album doesn’t necessarily have to be a cluster of diversity to be considered great.

The similarity between songs actually helps this album, it works a lot better as an album then picking and choosing tracks, I find. Songs bleed into each other, have multiple parts found on different parts of the album (“Two-Headed Boy” and “Two-Headed Boy, Pt 2” for example) and the fact that most of the instruments remain similar through out. But then of course, there are moments where everything I’ve just said is thrown out of the window, such as the mostly horns instrumental of “The Fool”, and the complete awesomeness of the Untitled track and how it came out of nowhere for me upon my first listen; a definite highlight for me.

The style of the album is also very, very original, I might add; the fact that the band have managed to fit horns into so many of the songs and so well is great, along with the whole acoustic + fuzzy bass sound. Pretty great, if you ask me. I should also add that the acoustic guitars sound really thick and great; you just gotta listen to the beginning of “King of Carrot Flowers, Pt 1” to understand where I’m coming from.

I’m trying to think of negative sides for the musical aspect, and can’t really think of much because it’s very hard to say “this musical aspect doesn’t work” because they might have had different intentions then what I think they had. The only thing I can really think of is that, while really great and definitely a highlight of the musical side, sometimes Mangum’s voice uh, for lack of a better word, struggles when singing really loud higher notes, making it sound just a tad shrill. I think “Two-Headed Boy” probably suffers the most from this, e.g “Catching signals that sound in the dark”. I can definitely see that this might have a certain charm to it, but I prefer Mangum’s voice when he can reach the notes properly. And that’s not meant to really be a dig, it doesn’t subtract from the score at all or anything I guess.

Concept:

I think learning the overall concept of this album probably made me like the album more. It is about/inspired by “the horrific fate of Anne Frank”, and no, that’s not the title of a book or anything.

Got to say, Mangum is definitely an excellent lyricist. I didn’t really realise at first, but I looked up most of the lyrics to the songs through lyric sites, and it’s definitely made me appreciate some songs a lot more, mainly “Two-Headed Boy, Pt 2”. A lot of the time, I’m actually really impressed by how many words Mangum actually manages to fit into his lyrics, and they’re all really good.

But, speaking of lyrics, my one gripe with the album is that, sometimes, the lyrics and themes really don’t match the music. An example of this, and I know that this song is usually called a highlight but it doesn’t gel for me as well as it does for everyone else, is the title track, “In The Aeroplane Over The Sea”. The lyrics are pretty damn beautiful, with these lines in particular standing out:

“And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see”

See, I think these lyrics are great, and are better than the actual song they’re accompanied by. The horns don’t work for what should be quite a withdrawn song, in my opinion. Everything sounds too crowded and I think the song would have definitely worked as more of a stripped down acoustic guitar + voice song, like the excellent “Two-Headed Boy, Pt 2.” But I know that is my opinion and is really subjective, because a lot of my negative opinions reguarding this album are “this should have been done that way” and things like that, really subjective things, which is why I put off doing this review. There’s nothing universally agreed upon that’s bad about the album I guess, just small things.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts:

I like this album quite a bit now. It’s coloured it’s own original colour throughout. However, despite the fact that I have praised the album a lot in this review, I don’t love it like a lot of other reviewers do, what I feel for it is more of an appreciation than a love for it. The band recorded a great, consistent concept album, but it sadly doesn’t have “that track” for me. Y’know, the “Pyramid Song”, the “Paranoid Android”, the “Pluto”, the “Showbiz”, the “Say Yes”. It’s almost like every song is a consistent 8/10 for me, some being slightly worse, and 1 of them being better. But, again, this is ENTIRELY personal, a lot of people might think that this album has “that track” or a LOT of “those tracks”.

As for my favourite tracks? I’d have to say “Two-Headed Boy, Pt 2” mainly for it’s lyrical excellence, and I think he recorded it in the exact way that he should have. On second thought, this might be “That Track”, I’m not even sure. I’m really hard pressed to say what my other favourite tracks are, mainly because the songs are so consistent and the album works as an album rather than picking and choosing tracks, like I said before.

I’m going to go ahead and give the album an 8/10. I’m not sure if it’s too low, or even too high. I can’t quite gather my thoughts on this album completely, which is a bit frustrating because usually I can tell exactly how I feel about albums. I think it’s because I really have nothing to compare this album to, as I don’t really have any other Neutral Milk Hotel stuff, and even if I did it’d be 1 album.

8/10

EXTRA THOUGHT: I’d also like someone to explain why Mangum sings about semen quite a bit in this. I mean, it’s wonderful and all, but…did he want to bone Anne Frank or something? Awesome.

I'm in love with a girl

2008-09-08T01:37:00.004+01:00

Well, not really; I'm just listening to an absolutely brilliant Elliott Smith song (I'm going through an Elliott phase). I haven't been in love with anyone for a while now, actually. And I use the term "in love" loosely, because I'm sure every person reading this at the moment is going to be thinking in their heads that I'm just a teenager that can't experience any emotion other than lust, and that everything I think is just a phase. To them, I confidently say: whatever.

Actually, what is love?* Webster's dictionary defines as the act of removing weeds from one's garden. I mean uh, yeah.

*Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

ANYWAY: Yeah, if you feel strongly for someone, you "love" them, and then after a long time, things don't work out and you don't love her anymore, does that mean you never loved her to start with? It's like...if you keep the emotion going forever, it's love. If you then stop loving them, it means it was just lust or you really really liked them or whatever. I see this a lot with people, people that say "I thought I was in love, but now I know I wasn't." How does that really make sense? I mean, sure, it might to other people, but to me it's the equivalent of saying "Yeah, I thought I loved Ok Computer, but I don't like it anymore so I never loved it". I just think it's a pretty stupid thought, but it's a pretty mainstream thought. I've thought it, but now I've realised I shouldn't cancel out what I used to think. Why the hell should I say "I didn't used to think this" when I DID. It's like telling someone else how they feel about something, it's just annoying. Hmm, I wonder what people will think of this blog. Hopefully they'll forget it in five minutes, but they'll probably say "Hey look, Jack's displayed his quite frankly comical understanding of the human mind once again!" or something. Oh well.

Dunno how personal to make this blog. I'm in a mood, currently, where I don't really care about what I write, but I think I'll hold back the major stuff, like names. Because I know that if I was stupid enough to write a blog about this subject with names, I'd fuckin' beat the shit out of myself (this bit's just added for colour) tomorrow morning. I'll just write stuff anyway.

I confidently say that I've loved 3 people in my sixteen years of life so far, and rather conveniently at the different stages in my life: Primary school, secondary school, and, for lack of a better term, Brit school. None of them ever turned into anything, which isn't surprising, because I've never told anyone that I've loved (in that way) that I love them (in that way). That's not to say they didn't find out (even though, the last two didn't), because the person I loved in primary school found out, because my friends were stupid kids that told people my secrets the second I reveal them, haha. And in typical me fashion, I distanced myself from her completely, as to avoid confrontation. This blog is reminding me of Dom's blog from 2007, both in that I'm being more personal than I'm used to, and that we both hate confrontation.

Secondary school girl, I'm pretty confident she never found out. I mean, I never made any obvious attempt to even show her subtly, and the people that I told when I said I liked her were pretty damn surprised. The only way she could have found out is if, again, my friends couldn't keep their mouths shut. I don't think that happened, though. Brit person...dunno if they found out. I never told her, but. Yeah. Hopefully she didn't.

I think the reason I've never told anyone that I love them is that yes, I hate confrontation. It's like...asking someone to make a judgement of you, right there and then...and then there's the fact that if it all went wrong, it wouldn't be a horrible moment, it would be a series of awful moments because, surprisingly, people talk to eachother. I'm too annoyingly cautious of what people think of me to open up to the possibility that I like them a lot more than they could ever like me. So instead of finding out, I'll think about how I really want to find out until that thought fades away. Well, not so much the thought (because I remember the thought) but more the emotion.

All I do with myself is think, I think and then let my surroundings change, and think about how the surroundings have changed, and that I'm a fuckin' idiot. Oh well, it's me. Fuck not being me.

Green Plastic Watering Blog

2008-09-05T02:06:00.002+01:00

Don't really know what I'm doing right now. I'm listening to Fake Plastic Trees on repeat while doing my art homework, and now I'm writing this blog. The reason I'm writing a blog is because it's pretty important to document things. I'm not really writing this blog for anyone other than myself. Ok, yeah, basically I've been reading my MySpace blogs (and Anthony's, but I ain't gonna talk about them) for ages now, and man. I am so glad I blogged. Seriously, screw everyone who says it's nerdy, I'm remembering things I'd long forgotten. It really is crazy how I'd forgotten about 90% of everything in those blogs. And that's why I think blogging is important.

Pretty much the only thing I regret about my old blogs is that I didn't write much. A blog that would be considered a long read would normally be about, say, 500 words. My last blog was 2008 words. If I had recorded the days to that level of detail, every day...wow. That would have seriously been amazing. I'm almost re-considering continuing my MySpace blog, because if I'm honest, they're a lot more interesting to me than this blog, and they get a lot more comments. I'll have to make it as well written as this blog, though.

So I'm gonna write the rest of this blog about my day today, because other wise I'll forget it:

So today I had to be in school for 2pm, a one off treat since we don't have our additional study yet. It was actually a pretty fun day, cos when I got to school I just kinda wandered around until finding Scott, then found TJ playing football and talked to him about crap. Photography was really fun, we used the dark ro- I can't be bothered with this shit, now I know why my myspace blogs were so short; this shit is seriously boring. Fuck all of you.

SO LONG, BITCHES.

Boring Stuff

2008-08-30T21:05:00.003+01:00

Possibly boring stuff:

First off, GCSE results:

Art: Distinction*
English Language: A
English Lit: B
Maths: B

Then 5 Cs in everything else, apart from ICT where I got a G and an F. Even this girl (I forget who it was) that was predicted an A got a D. The course seriously sucked. However, I gotta say the only thing I'm disappointed in is the B in maths. There's something wrong with that though, because I was predicted a B in the coursework but got the lowest possible mark to get a D, so the school is investigating 'cos apparently everyone got ripped off on the first coursework. But yeah, who cares really, it doesn't effect my life. Unless it stops me from getting into the Maths A level...which will probably be irrelevant if I get into the music one.

Actually, yeah, just thought I'd say, I'm not sure whether I want to do maths or music. I mean, obviously I'm more passionate about music but the course did seem difficult. I'm willing to learn but I can imagine regretting it a bit later, and then there's the fact that both Dom and Liam said that learning music as an academic subject put them off. And then maths, well, 2 of my good friends are gonna be in maths, plus I've actually studied it more than music. But I don't want a career in maths, I think. I don't know. I probably won't have to actually decide (as in, I'll only get into one of them).

School:

I've been back at school for 3 days (starting last wednesday) and it seriously sucks so far. I'm willing to bet that 50% of this unpleasant feeling towards school is the fact that I'm very fucking ill and oh man, I've already thrown up twice at school (in the toilets) and I thought I was gonna fuckin' die on friday on the way home (so sorry Zak for not waiting for you). I'm pretty sure, however, that this illness is approximately 100% to do with sleep deprivation; on thursday I slept for 1 hour, and oh my god, waking up and the following day was a nightmare and I'm just glad that's over.

But yeah, the other reason school was not been good is because of the way they split the groups. Putting nearly everyone from the old class into one group and then me and 1 or 2 exceptions in the other group is seriously an annoying move, and the worst thing is when I asked to be moved they pretty much said "maybe" and left it at that, but they've left it too late because now if I'm moved people will be all "huh?". I sound like a bitch for complaining about this, but really, there's no reason why they can't move me except for general stubbornness when it comes to teachers admitting they're wrong or something. Gah.

We also haven't been doing much art, just basically getting to know each other etc, which is fine, but I hope we start doing real art soon that doesn't involve paper plates (and no, I'm not looking for a "what is art" debate thanks.)

Oh, another thing I should add, that do I like. A lot of the new people seem really interested and inspired by art, or at least some of them do, which is really nice.

OH GOD.

Music:

I managed to finish (well, not finish, but at least make a presentable version) of my song for school, and was one of the only people to actually hand in something. It's all right, but low quality due to my general amateur knowledge in recording (I had crappy settings in audacity) plus the fact that I lack a good mic. But hey, it still sounds pretty awesome when listening with headphones due to stereo sound. Yeah.

http://www.myspace.com/jamberz here's a link to where you can listen to it if you so wish. I'll probably remove it soon when I record something better. I wish I could make it not sound like a teenage boy in his room with a guitar, but yeah, one day. I wanna make music like Kid A one day, or at least experiment with it. Listen and maybe add it as a friend if you wish. I'm not advertising it too much 'cos I wanna make something better before that.

To add to the whole music topic, I had the best listening experience of my life yesterday. I was walking to school listening to Pyramid Song and hadn't really listened to it for a long time, and man, when the drums and then orchestra kicked in, I was like "...holy shit". Definitely my favourite song of all time. I seriously think that listening to music while on the move makes everything sound better. Maybe it's the fact that when you exercise, your body releases endorphins, and walking is moderate exercise? That's just a completely random guess, it could be due to other things. Maybe out side scenery to look at just improves the overall experience? I don't know. Either way, it was great.

Another thing to note is that the song "I Didn't Understand" is really amazing, and I love the lyrics and how it's just his voice + backing vocals. My current 2nd favourite song from the album, a close 2nd to Independence day,but this song definitely hits harder emotionally. If there's one thing Smith writes really really fucking well, it's lyrics. Fucking hell I wish he wasn't dead. Speaking of fucking hell:

Fucking Hell:

Yesterday I had quite a pathetic moment. Basically, it was 5am, everything was dark, and I was just lying in bed thinking about shit, and then I started thinking about death, and then I started reminding myself that it's gonna happen. Sounds stupid I know, but it's always one of those things that I assume just isn't going to happen, even though OBVIOUSLY it will. What I mean by that, uh, I'll give an example. I see an old person in a hospital, they're attached to a drip feed or whatever and they know that they are going to die soon. I think to myself "Oh man, thank god that isn't me; I wouldn't be able to cope." But the thing is, in 60, 70, 80 years, or less, it WILL be me. I AM going to be in that position, the only difference is time. Seriously, it terrifies me, and I know I've talked about this in my blog before, but really, it fuckin' terrifies me.

Then this whole shit of a thought led me to another fact: my cats, both of 'em, have already lived approximately half of their life. It's seriously saddening, my cats dying will probably be one of the most emotional breaking moments of my life (unless I die before them, but fuck that). The worst part was imagining having to put them down, and I was debating myself whether I could actually go through with it, and if so, if I could actually be the one that takes her down to the place, and if so, whether I could be in the room and watch while it happens. I think I managed to decide that I would indeed be in the room, and I'd be stroking her while it happens, but fuck.

Yeah, and then...well. I don't want to post this, and I'm not sure if I will while I'm typing it, but I'll type it anyway and possibly save it in a word document at least, but. I started randomly praying, praying to God to let me into heaven when I die, and that I was sorry for denying him and I asked for forgiveness. Then I felt the worst feeling I've had in a long time. It was that complete feeling of emptiness; I was talking to no one, no one could hear me, I was in the dark, and talking to nothing. I didn't feel anything. God couldn't hear me, he wasn't there to hear me, he wasn't anywhere to hear anyone. I realised, yes, I'm gonna die and rot in the ground and never experience consciousness again, and the same is going to happen to everything that I will ever love. Nothing's gonna save me. The best thing I can do is make the most out of my life, until I'm dust that isn't remembered by anybody.

Gah, and then this activates a chain of thoughts. Some people are content with this because they'll spread their genes and have kids and grand kids and great grand kids etc. But one day the sun's gonna burn out and then everything will be dark and dead. Like. Christ. I feel pathetic writing this, but y'know. It's like the elephant in the room for me, mentioning it makes me feel stupid because no one else is, or they don't mind it, but it's a massive fucking problem for me. And it's unavoidable, so I know people might say "there's no point arguing or trying to fix this problem, because it's inevitable so we might aswell just ignore it and get on with life" and they're right, but I find it very hard to avoid thinking about this. Plus, it's like I'm rubbing it in your faces, it's just a blog on blogspot anyway.

Basically, an effective summary of my blog is "the world isn't perfect. This makes Jack feel like being a drama queen" and it's very effective and accurate, but I still don't like it haha. FUCK. Why am I typing "haha". I'm typing bullshit now. I still want to type though, just to make a blog that's really long and that will put off people from reading it that don't give a fuck. But in some ways I do want the attention, but I'll feel very awkward knowing people read this and don't say anything. Too personal.

I guess the bright side to all this is that, thinking about it, more of my recent problems (school, being very ill, still constantly debating what I want to do with my life) seem very small now. I guess thinking about things on a grand scale is both helpful and depressing, it makes you realise that all your problems that you're having now really don't matter in the long run; I won't give a shit if Zak's not in my class in 3 years, I won't care if I don't know what to do with my life once I do know what to do. However, it also makes you realise that you're basically very insignificant, and no special power is going to save you from a fate that everyone will go through.

I've been listening to "I Didn't Understand" on repeat for ages now. Well, now I'm listening to "Last Flowers", another brilliant song. Realisation: (well, I actually think I've written about this before) I think I usually write blogs when I'm feeling down, which is why I've had such a massive gap of not writing anything. I've actually been feeling great over the summer, but being back at school I guess has made me not so great. I'm making it sound like I go to school in the lowest depths of Satan's lair; Brit's a great school, it's just that I'm off to a bad start already.

Michael Sandford is not in this blog. He certainly is not at all he seizures sometimes yes he does.

So I'm writing a new song, and I might record a demo like I did with the other one, maybe ask Liam for drums but I'd feel like I'm a bit, uh, dependent on him if I did that all the time. I also really need to start writing songs not based on gui- ok I've already written about this in this same blog; probably a sign that I've gone on long enough. I'm gonna post this whole cringe inducing blog now and maybe edit out the shit tomorrow.

Bye. This blog has 2008 words.

HEY DOM!

Hi

2008-07-06T20:49:00.009+01:00

I haven't blogged in a while, so I'm gonna talk about lots of stuff, such as Dark Knight, which may have spoilers.

I hope I'm in the same art group as Zak. We were put into different tutors, which is fine, but then they started saying all this stuff about a new art room in another building and it scares me that they'd put us into two separate classes. Christian also said that Musical Theatre is being divided into 3 separate groups too, which just worries me further.

Yeah. ^ ^ ^ That was in the old draft for this blog, so I decided to leave it in (but trimmed it down because it was really long and a bit silly). Yep.

Things

So uh, recently I had my friend Jamil round for a few days. We pretty much just constantly played Phantasy Star Online and Smash Bros Brawl, and then I went to this...and played Phantasy Star Online and Smash Bros Brawl (mixed in with some wii sports, too). But yeah, also went to a barbecue there, which was yummy. Yeah! Moses is cool, he said some pretty funny things. I asked him if anyone is a cry baby at his school, and he said that this kid was because he wore his school uniform on own clothes day, hahaha (Moses is 6 years old by the way).

Dark Knight

Yeah. Dark Knight! Bloody excellent film, and I'm going to talk about it now with spoilers, so please don't read this It was weird, because it's a super hero movie, but the action scenes weren't the highlight at all. The best parts about the film was the overall plot, the character development (specifically the change of Harvey Dent to Two-Face), and of course, the acting, and the fact that Heath Ledger's Joker is probably my favourite villain I've seen in cinema (but then again, I'm not a cinematic expert, I have not even seen great films like The Godfather). Seriously, I don't use this word often, but I'd describe the acting of him to be perfect. The scenes such as the pencil trick, you just knew that he was absolutely not to be messed with, and how insane he is. But he was also hilarious, such as the whole nurse outfit thing, and the blowing up of the hospital as well.

Ok, so there weren't really any major spoilers there. That's probably because I really enjoyed the film, and don't want to spoil it for anybody that would read this (and yeah, I know I put spoiler warnings, but people often ignore those). One thing that annoys me is when some people say/believe that the only reason anyone is reguarding Heath's performance as excellent is because he's dead, which is complete bullshit. I wasn't really aware of who Heath Ledger really was before he died, and thus wasn't effected when hearing the news, but after watching this, I am really sad about his death because of his performance in this.

Fucking hell my fucking guitar,cvino

Again, the thing above me is something I wrote in this blog draft just before I went to bed, and decided to keep it in. Yes I did.

What I am doing yeah I have nothing to write about hello

Well, right now all I'm doing is listen to music (mainly Bjork right now) and completing my art book for when I go back to school. So far I've drawn a cartoon wearing headphones, Heath Ledger's Joker, and Thom Yorke. I will be drawing lots of other music people that I love also, and drawing songs. Yeah. I'm also not getting anywhere with my song despite that probably being a priority over my art book. I need to purchase a really good microphone (as in, really good) so I can record the acoustic guitar without it sounding terrible.

It's tiiiiiiiiiiiiime to coooooome home

Woah, I just made a subtitle with Radiohead lyrics...YEAH. So, my brother's coming home from Thailand after almost two years today. He should actually be home any minute now. Yep. I wonder if he's got me anything (lolo) or if he still will keep playing Linkin Park and Thai music when he gets back. I will try to educate him perhaps. Yeah, there's too many subtitles compared to words in this blog, so now I'll just say this before I stop writing things:

This is my best blog I've written, I think (click for link to blog). It's my most nerdy, but yeah. Usually reading over things I write, I cringe, but I don't with that, despite it being pretty pathetic. Woo.

Bye

So today I watched The Green Mile

2008-06-30T04:01:00.002+01:00

FYI: I just completely edited this blog from what it used to be, completely. Now I'm gonna write about The Green Mile for a little bit and discuss some Futurama episodes, mainly about why I was moved a lot more by Jurassic Bark than I was by, uh, the other one. The one with the seven leaf clover. There will of course be spoilers in this blog.

So yeah, onto Green Mile. This was a really sad film, I'm surprised at how moving it was just for simple things such as the mouse dying (though I wasn't a fan of its resurrection, though it was necessary. It's just that it took away a lot of the impact.) And of course, both of the [major] executions got to me a lot, I can't decide which one was worse. I can't think of a character I've hated more than Percy Wetmore, and I don't mean hated as in he's a bad character (he's a great character) but holy shit, what an asshole. When he didn't wet the sponge...man. I also hate how unrealistically everyone acted afterwards, all he basically got was a slap and a few hours locked in a room (and I know he gets that disease at the end but that's beside the point, because it wasn't something the prison guards did).

Another thing (which on reflection, I don't care about) but the twist that Billy the Kid was the one that killed the girls really wasn't surprising, it was pretty obvious, and it tried to be shocking when it wasn't really. I also don't like how Coffey made Percy kill him as a punishment, because he gave him a quick painless death, while the chair would have been a worse punishment anyway.

I was pretty weirded out and annoyed at when the film suddenly became supernatural and holy, with some apparent religious metaphors (John Coffey's initials = JC which = Jesus Christ) but it doesn't matter, I'm not gonna pretend it hurt the film at all because it didn't, but I thought it was going to. Coffey was pretty human anyway. Yeah. Another thing I didn't quite like was how Paul got the "curse" from God at the end for letting Coffey die, which I thought was really stupid because it was Coffey's wish, and he asked him not to stop it. I'm just going to assume that Paul's assumption was wrong about God doing it because, well, why WOULD he curse someone for letting them die when they want to.

I always end up just talking about the negatives when reviewing things, which is a really annoying trait of mine. I don't know how to compliment things unless I say "I liked this part" or "that was great". I wish I could properly critique things (though maybe I'm better at doing this to music. I'll review that Neutral Milk Hotel album eventually, Bown).

Now onto Futurama:

I'd just like to point out before I write about this that this is just a personal reason for why I was moved a lot more by the ending of Jurassic Bark over the ending of The Luck of the Fryrish (which are both really good puns, haha) and this isn't exactly set in stone. Then again, you probably already knew that, but y'know *FILLS UP SPACE*.

The ending of Jurassic Bark had much more of an impact on me because, well, it was a sad ending. Fry had made a mistake and he didn't really know it, his dog DID remember him and had spent the rest of his life waiting for him before he died. And then there's luck of the Fryrish, which also had a great ending, but it was like "aw, that's sweet" kinda thing, because his brother hadn't stolen his life. Basically, everything turned out alright, and it was just lovely, rather than the "damn it Fry, your dog still remembers you". I'm explaining this horribly, and making the ending of Luck of the Fryrish seem a lot worse and over simplified than it really is, but that's pretty much how I feel.

And it's not just the ending of Jurassic Bark that makes me sad, too. There's other parts such as when Seymour (Fry's dog) finds Fry frozen, and tries to tell his parents, but they don't notice (it was funny, and is funny, but it still makes me kinda go "damn"). I probably also cared about the episode a bit more cos I was imagining if that had happened to my cat, haha. I love animals, I might become vegetarian one day (aslong as I get to smother everything with melted cheese I MIGHT just make it).

Yeah... I have nothing to write about recently. I don't really like writing blogs about media stuff, but I guess it will do. In other news...

Music Bros Brawl-E's Lawful Adventures...lol

I haven't been thinking about and thus not progressing on the song I'm writing at all, because I have been playing Smash Bros Brawl pretty much constantly for 2 days. Really, really great game, but I'm not having nearly as much fun as I should be having because I haven't been playing multiplayer. I also think the game's a bit more floaty than it should be, and I really don't like the changes to Falco and some of the physics in general...but OH GOD, Meta knight just rules. And uh, I hear Zak has been telling Anthony that they both need to stay at my house for the night. He should try asking me, not Anthony, haha. YEAH ZAK YOU BIG JERK, I'M CALLING YOU OUT.

Yeah, I really want to see Wall-E, because it's apparently a wonderful film and Pixar's best work, but it's not out at my local cinema until the bloody 18th of July (it was released elsewhere 2 days ago, I believe). That's really annoying, yes it is. I'm also reminded suddenly by the use of the word "bloody" (the wrong BLOODY side) that Nick Ashby's Lawful Adventures is one of the most wonderful things I've ever seen, and I advise all of you to watch it...

...

...Someone has taken my old blog url already, hahaha. It's really weird though, because it's just a bunch of consecutive examples of teenagers getting personal loans or whatever, and nothing more. I don't know why they picked that url. The funny thing is, though, when my blog was linked to on that site about my Amnesiac review, anyone that reads that and clicks the link will be linked to a site about teenagers being given loans. Marvelous. We should collaborate in a blog, I can see it now. Alienbz.blogspot.com. That might be a possible url (because Alienblogato might not be the final choice, I'm still unsure if it's a good name to track down (google comes up with nothing) and that's why I changed from the original URL in the first place.

And with that, I leave you sitting in your own filth, you shit.

Man, I really don't wanna write about this

2008-06-19T19:30:00.004+01:00

Because I don't want to turn my blog into a place to vent my anger (even though that might be entertaining), or a stupid fucking bitch fest (again, would be entertaining, but is ultimately pathetic). But man, I'll just say this, I didn't write any blog posts on this blog to offend anyone, but apparently this has happened? I don't really know what to say, I just wish they'd said something rather than boycotting me completely. I didn't even mention in the blog that he stole a game, as a matter of just not becoming a bitching monster, and now he's mad at me for a line in my blog where I said I didn't feel like having anyone round. This is ridiculous. I'm glad Oran didn't follow the boycott (and I'm sorry Oran, I know you didn't want them to know, but this is involves me so y'know).

And now this blog is becoming a bitch fest, which I didn't want to happen, so I'm cutting it short write here.

Tomorrow I'm going to TJ's 16th birthday, which shall be fun. He rung me yesterday, and I had no idea who it was. I'm sorry, haha. Though, Zak told me to ring him, but I don't have his number I don't think. So I'm not really sure how to get there, because he told me to meet him at the "2 fat ladies" in Wimbledon...and I don't where the "2 fat ladies" is. I feel like I should know, because I live right near Wimbledon but, er, I don't. Hopefully he'll come on the msn device later.

The song I'm writing is coming along really well, which I'm really glad about. I need to start writing lyrics, and then I'll record it and get to work on Sony Acid. That reminds me, need to ask Liam (Ugmo Liam, this is getting annoying actually. From now on, Liam refers to Ugmo, and Dolubasao refers to, um, Dolubasao) about more links to free samples. I'm also worried about Acid automatically changing the tempo to match the drums; I hope it's the other way around, and that the drums are slowed down/sped up to match the guitar.

Hahaha, that reminds me. When I was speaking to Lorentz, I said "Acid will probably make making the music easier", and he thought I was talking about drugs. That's pretty cool! Maybe I should try both. But yeah, uh...

I have nothing to talk about recently. How the hell does Dom write 12000 word blogs? Ok, that's a stupid question, because he's told me how. Maybe I should start some kind of log thing too, and make my blogs a "best of" from that. It would probably result in me not posting occasionally shitty (lol) blogs which are just youtube videos.... though I haven't done that in a while, I'm just posting this to fill up space.

Which I don't want to do, gah. Filling up space sucks unless you're filling up space with something worthwhile...and I'm still doing it, to! Jeez. I'll talk about something now; I haven't been working on Alien Potato for about a week. I hope I manage to motivate myself to finish it soon; I don't want it to head to "oblivion", which all my semi long flashes seem to go. I can never make anything more than 3 minutes long unless it's a joke and/or piece of crap. Sucks. Oh well!

This blog is terrible, sorry. I feel like I should add to it later, but nah.

Other places

2008-06-12T21:44:00.004+01:00

So it seems my blog's appearing on other sites on the web. Haha, that's making it sound a bit more important than I'm making it out to be. Basically, my blog is linked to on a site that has a list of blogs, and it ranks it in popularity (I'm uh, I'm pretty far down at like the 3 millionth most popular). The coolest link by far is definitely one that was on a page about a Radiohead article, that linked to my Amnesiac review. Sure, my Amnesiac review had next to nothing to do with the article (it was about Radiohead letting people pay what price they wanted for In Rainbows), but it was still cool. It shows that outside people at least occasionally read this thing (or are pretty good/terrible at google).

I'm also pretty happy, I feel like I'm starting to get somewhere, at least a little, with my song that I'm writing. So far it's pretty much the result of listening to "Independence Day" by Elliott Smith on loop, but it doesn't sound too much like it, which is exactly what I want; to be inspired but not completely rip someone off which I do way too much. But I need to write more than just the guitar part, I added some keyboard drums when I recorded the intro and it sounded hilariously bad, so now my next task is to get a program like Sony Acid to add some drums, or something...

...I also broke my guitar string yesterday. Damn. I'm gonna have to write the song on my electric, but when I record, I'm recording on an acoustic. It just sounds better for the type of song, yep. That said, I'm a bit interested in writing songs for an electric guitar. I've tried before, but never really did well. This is because there's so many different tones for guitar that it gets a bit confusing what to do, and like, I'm not skilled at that kind of way of playing. I'm not good at shredding and just general soloing is what I mean, but yeah, I guess that doesn't matter much.

I need to focus on things I can do to the song I'm writing now, rather than waiting to get music programs (which I'll not get until at least the 17th), because then I'll just be on halt. I need to start writing lyrics next, or write more of the guitar stuff, because usually I write something good, and end up just repeatedly playing it over and over 'cos I can't write anything that fits, and I really need to just get out of this continued comfort zone of doing things the same and not trying anything different, y'know. Yeah, this blog is terrible because so far it's basically one giant "note to self", but maybe you'll find it interesting? Doubt it. Maybe. Meh. Words.

...Now on a non musical topic, I really need Metal Gear Solid 4 right now. I don't have a PS3, and I'd feel ridiculous cashing out £400 for basically 1 game, but I'll feel less ridiculous if my brother pays half the amount when he gets back (which would be sometime in July, but then again he has no money right now so it would probably end up being 10 years or so). I hate it when a game I really, really want is out, and I just can't have it. That sounds really childish and pathetic, and well, it is! But y'know, there's nothing wrong with wanting something. It's Smash Bros Brawl all over again, though when that came out, I really couldn't get it because it's not out in Europe (though it will be soon).

Yeah. That'll probably do.

I have a summer goal, and more

2008-06-08T15:54:00.000+01:00

Summer Goal

So, I got a letter from school about A levels, and what one I should pick for next year (that would be an addition to my art btec). The only one that really grabs my eye is the music one, because it's a composing course, and I'm pretty interested in that. The description of the course mentions composing, but also composing using computers, and then of course performing our pieces (which I'd love to do, I've never performed to a large audience, or in a group for that matter). I do admit though, I'm not so keen about learning theory. I mean, I'm definitely eager to learn, but I can imagine me not...doing so well in this part, and getting a bad grade. But if I'm honest, it's not the grade that concerns me at all in reguard to this.

But yeah, that leads to another thought. Both Liam (ugmo) and Dom have said that studying music actually partially killed their enthusiasm for it. I'm not sure if I should take this into account though, because:

This course seems a bit different. It's situated about writing music and performing which is exactly what I want to do. I think their courses were more like...traditional? Can't think of a word
They might be talking about university level, which would indeed be much harder.

Either way, I'm going to atleast try my summer goal (and a requirement to apply for the course); I need to record a 2 minute original composition. I've already started this anyway, but it's not going that well because I really need to break the mold of mimicing songs, or making songs that sound like a blend of others. I have all summer to do this (I think, anyway) so I think it will definitely get better. I might start getting guitar lessons again, or maybe piano lessons, just because a requirement is a "clear interest in music", and I don't think they'd think I'm "interested enough" if I don't atleast have some references.

Birthday

Tomorrow is my birthday (16th); I'm not getting anything apart from albums though. Well, actually, I'm getting just money I think, but with that I'm buying albums. This is because I really need to expand my music library (and hell, maybe if I do that, I'll start copying from everyone except just Radiohead, haha). List includes The Eraser, Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, Either/Or, Boy in da Corner, and Selected Ambient Works 85-92 (and others, possibly). But then again, that's assuming they have them in HMV (I know they'll have the Smashing Pumpkins one, but last time I checked they didn't have "The Eraser", so I'm doubting they'll have Aphex Twin).

How I miss my Potato

Yeah, my laptop's still away getting fixed, and boy do I miss working on Alien Potato. I know what you're thinking: "Wait, you miss working on a cartoon? After mentioning many times how pain stakingly boring it is? Question mark?" Well, that is correct, animating is often extremely boring, but it's something to do that's productive. I wrote about this in much more detail in a previous blog, but I'll go over it again; I love creative/productive stuff, because they kill time and they're achievements, in a way. I feel like I'm doing something, rather than just indulging myself in nothing. So basically, I feel a lot more pointless when I'm not working on something.

This has a bright side though, because instead of just doing nothing all together, I'm working on something else productive which is actually more important as of now. I'm refering to trying to write a song of course.

Yeah, that's about it. I'm back to shortish blogs for now.

Blog Challenge #1

2008-06-04T13:40:00.000+01:00

I have recieved my first blog challenge from one Dominique Kaylee esquire, and unlike him, I'm going to write more than 3 lines about it :@ !! Scroll to the end of my blog for the challenge.

Nothing's been going on recently, except exams, which are very boring. I've also been playing my keyboard a lot more recently (as in, I'm hardly touching my guitar) and I'm trying to make songs. One I'm making now sounds a bit like Morning Bell but its mainly me just mucking around. I need to learn more piano chords off by heart.

Oh and uh, my laptop has been taken away from me because the graphics card isn't working or something. This is annoying yes it is... OH I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE *DOES BLOG CHALLENGE*

"I challenge you to write about faeces, Hitler, and your CD collection - and link all three"

Ok, uh. Faeces eh? Faeces are my least favourite fallen excrement! I don't really know what I'm meant to say about this... kinda reminds me of brown water. Did I just amaze you, Dom? I managed to reference my blog challenge aswell as yours. That takes real skill y'know!

Hitler...he was a huge prick. He also gives things a bad name, e.g, "Evolution only leads to killing people. Did you know hitler believed in evolution and survival of the fittest? That's why the holocaust happened!". EUGH. Hitler was actually pretty good at painting though, backgrounds atleast. Apparently he sucked at painting people though, which is weird because I'm good at painting most things except backgrounds. If we combined our talents we'd be invincible.

My CD collection is pretty pathetic. The first album I ever bought was R Kelly's "The R in Rn'B", because it had "Ignition Remix" on it. Then I think it was Christina Aguillera's "Stripped", then uh...Michael Jackson's "Number Ones". A year later I then bought Greenday's "American Idiot"...I don't listen to any of those anymore...

Then I bought Absolution, and loved it, then Origin of Symmetry (best Muse album), then Showbiz (2nd best), then Hullaballoo. This was the period when I was a Muse maniac. Then, last Christmas, I bought The Bends and Ok Computer. I remember I was pretty much like "...woah". I also got Black Holes and Revelations for Christmas, and initially loved it, but then I got bored of it (because, well, Matt is not good at writing an album related to politics, because it's pretty much "DIE GOVERNMENT DIE BANG BANG").

I then proceded to get more Radiohead albums. Hail to the Thief first, then Amnesiac and Kid A on the same day. Amnesiac is the best album I've ever heard, yep. Those are my only records, but I have lots of music on my laptop/ipod, but most of it is either downloaded/sent to me.

Christ, now I'm meant to link them all into one, aren't I? Ok. Wouldn't it be awesome if Hitler released an album of him defecating? There we go.

CHALLENGE COMPLETE!

Careers, Friends, and Phallus

2008-05-27T18:07:00.000+01:00

I had a cool chat with Liam the other day (Ugmo Liam, not Dolubasao), and well. His advice was basically yes, I should do something about music, but it's good that I'm not doing it academically because it kills off the creative motivation. I agree, pretty much, though I would have liked to have done a GCSE in it, because it wouldn't be too stressful and I'd have some form of proof that I know something about music, y'know? I'm really going off art, not as something for fun, but as a career. I just can't see it happening, but yet, it's the only thing I see happening.

Career in Art?

Ok, I've always been an artist at heart. I've been drawing since I was little, and my biggest gift is painting. Recently, I'm just thinking, art is kinda shit. Well, not really... I'm struggling how to word this. Marketing art is pretty crap, basically. I do a painting, and what happens? It will get put in a large white room and old rich people might look at it and discuss if they want to buy it. Others might walk around and say something like "Wow, that's pretty cool." or "Meh" and walk off, forgetting its existence forever.

I hate that; The thing that I'm best at has become pretty irrelevant at this time. I'm not talking about making money (well, not mainly) because I guess some people MIGHT pay money for my paintings, but that's not really what I'm talking about. I'm talking about proper appreciation for art is gone. The main problem is, art can't be sold to the masses. If I did a painting, I couldn't sell that to everyone like I could an album. Of course, there's exceptions: album covers, comic books, etc. The problem with them is they're not being bought for the art. Albums are bought for the music, comics are bought partially for the art, but mainly the story/characters. I also don't want to do either of those things, really. I'm not a designer myself, and comics do interest me...but not that much. The only way I'd want to draw for a comic would be if it was my own comic, as in, my story, my art, my characters.

Then there's animation, which I'm interested in...but animation is boring. If I had a career in animation I would most likely end up collapsing into myself. I could only ever do it as a free time thing, it's just too tedious. Again, I'd only consider animation if I was in charge of the story and art. I would hate to animate someone else's ideas.

Gah, I feel like I'm typing a bunch of crap that I probably disagree with anyway. Here's a summary:

People are not moved or concerned by art as they are music

Art can not be distributed as easily as music, if at all

Art that can be distributed easily is art that I am not concerned about/being distributed as a side product.

Career in Music?

I'm not gonna list all the positives and negatives of being in a band, because I can't be bothered and it's more obvious. I want to have a career in music as an ideal life choice. It's because my passion for music has outgrown my passion for art. It can evoke emotion much more easily than art can.

The thing about this is, I don't know where to start. I've become bored with guitar music kinda recently, and I want to try more electronic stuff. I'll probably ask Liam for a list of programmes, but really, I'd love to just go to Australia and hang with him and Dom and they can teach me various stuff. That's an annoying thing about my life at the moment, I'm surrounded by talented musicians, but they're not my friends. Well, a few of them are, but they're either much more talented than me or want to make different music to me (or as just as clueless about the music I want to make as I am). But back at Ugmo head quarters, they like the same kind of music I do AND they're experienced at it AND (most importantly) they're actually my friends.

A ray of hope in me having a music career is that Thom Yorke (Radiohead) did a degree in art, I believe. He basically went down the same round as I am, is what I'm saying. But then again, he's a musical genius, one of the true virtuosos of our time, and I'm not (yet? OH OH) so yeah.

Friends

To link into the previous discussion, I'm seeing my friends as different people recently. Well, that's a bad way putting it really. Basically, I'm becoming a gigantic nerd. Recently, I'm reguarding my Ugmo friends as being closer friends than those I have in real life. I've never wanted to meet people that I haven't met more (except I really wanna meet Thom Yorke and give him a great big cuddle). It's weird, because I see Dom as being a friend, and no longer class him as "internet friend", and I do this (but to a lesser extent) to Michael and Liam. It's because, when I really think about it, a lot of my friends I can't relate to. This might be just because they're not interested in the same things, but there's some other more probable reasons:

I think I get on with older people better than I do my age. I'm not sure why, but I always found it really easy to relate to my older brother's friends (he's 21, 6 years older than me) when they come round than I do to people my own age. Like, it's usually instant that I get along. I'm not sure why, maybe it's because there's less pressure from older people about what they think of you (such as if, for example, I say I don't drink, and older person might attribute that to my age while someone my age would attribute it to me being boring).
To link to the previous bullet, Ugmo doesn't seem that fixated on alcohol and drugs (except for the occasional story from Ben Rice or someone else). That's being unfair, I'm not entirely against drinking (or drugs for that matter) but when part of people's screen names is "HANGOVER FROM LAST NIGHT!" it just makes me think "Ehhhh". God, then again, do most of my friends even drink/do drugs at all??? I don't know why I'm typing this, because this is something that I find annoying with my age group rather than my friends.
Ugmo has the same sense of humour as me, that being the absurd and the satirical, but also, it's clever. Good timing and referencing is often the thing that will make me laugh the most (which is why Anthony so easily gets me into fits of giggles) and well, Ugmo does this well. It's also in joke heaven, and makes me seem close to the guys. It also satisfies my severe dark humour side, as we make fun of people for...controversial things (I'm sorry Michael, and Dom. Perhaps one day you will both be fashionable).

In short: I'd love to meet Ugmo people RIGHT NOW. I'm gonna talk about something else now maybe!

GCSEs

I don't care about them, but I'm gonna try my best. The worst thing is, by far, my parent's expectations. I'm (not to sound arrogant) gonna do better than 90% of the country in these things, but because my sister did so well, my mum has an obsession with me wanting to out do her. I don't want to. The one thing I'm developing a real passion for I'm not even studying anyway, but yeah. There's no point arguing in them, because if I do, I'll sound like a no life bum that's destined for nothing. It's annoying though, because in the end, it should be about what you learn. The only use for GCSEs are for something to look good on your CV when applying for a job (resumes for those Americans among you. I also don't actually know if Australia says CV or resume or something different).

I mean, I've already been accepted back in school. Why should I care that much, honestly? Just, I do care, but not nearly enough as my mum does. My sister got good A levels and GCSEs and she's more clueless about what to do with her life than I am.

Random stuff (Phallus)

I've recently gotten a DeviantArt account, and I'm already blocked from commenting on someone's pictures. I mean, I give lengthy and honest criticism to his piece of shit (though I was never "mean" as I'm being now about it) and the bugger blocks me. Outrage! I also went on the chat rooms of that site, and subsequently found a girl that loves Radiohead, and not only that, her favourite album is Amnesiac. Awesome. I should invite her to Ugmo perhaps.

God, reading this blog is horrible, I've turned into a giant loser. I've been talking about internet stuff the whole time, because as of now, my life isn't active enough to have anything to write about apart from exams. Sad huh? Anyway...

...I think I've said all I need to say. I want a change in life style and a change in scenery. My bedroom walls are getting pretty boring, as loving as they are.

Reasons why I love Pyramid Song

2008-05-24T05:18:00.000+01:00

Christ it's late. Anyway, yeah, I've always thought of Pyramid Song as being a very happy song rather than deathly and ghostly, even though it is. I'm just saying this because of a post made by Dom on Ugmo:

I think the reason why I see it as one of the happiest songs of all time is because, as I mentioned in great deal in a previous blog, death is by far my biggest fear. I believe that once you die, it's the end; you will never experience any type of thought or emotion ever again. What does this have to do with anything? Well, Pyramid Song, to me, is describing the journey of dying and going to heaven. The line "nothing to fear, nothing to doubt" is exactly what I want, I don't want to fear death or doubt that I go to heaven, but I do in a significant manner. The song fills me with a sort of emotion that I want but am never going to really feel.

Ehhh, sounds really kinda lame. I'm getting into the song too much, I know. To summarise: when I die, I want the events described in Pyramid Song to happen to me, even though I don't think they will, but I still want it and listening to the song kinda gives me that illusion, it's strong imagery, it's immersive. But then again, there's obviously the whole side that I can't explain: the music. It's a musical materpiece, filled with odd piano chords, weird time signatures, amazing drums, the whole orchestra thing. Yeah, so, it's got an amazing concept and amazing music, all coming together for a wonderful song. Lovely.

Right, that's that then. I promise not to write about Radiohead for a while, haha. On the brightside, this is a pretty short blog; rejoice! I'm also developing a bit more of a writing skill recently, I've never reviewed an album before but I think I did a good job with not too much effort. This might help with my upcoming English exams, too. Nice.

Amnesiac

2008-05-22T21:31:00.001+01:00

Intro:

Amnesiac, for those of you that don't know, is the 5th album released by Radiohead; it was released in 2001, 9 months after their last album (Kid A). To many, Amnesiac is known as the lesser of the "twin albums separated at birth" out of itself and Kid A.

Review:

Radiohead have always explored dark themes, but Amnesiac is darker than any other Radiohead album to date. The opening song, "Packt like Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box", despite being the opening to the album, describes someone that is looking back on their life with regret; looking back and realising that they have been waiting for nothing their whole life, and that they've been "looking in the wrong place" for whatever they're looking for.

Dollars and Cents is a very interestingly eerie song. It's interesting because the narrative of the song is changing, sometimes there's even 2 narratives going on at once, e.g, the "Why don't you quiet down? (maybe I want peace and honesty)" part of the song. One voice seems to be Thom, expressing concerns of the decaying world and corrupt government, while the other voice IS the corrupt government, telling Yorke to quiet down and threatening him that they will use their money to "crack your little souls". It's similar to the (constant) anti government songs that Muse tried writing in "Black Holes & Revelations", but it's INFINITELY more interesting than Muse's dull "kill the government omg" routine.

Not all of the album is dark, however. Pyramid song is one of the most refreshing and happy songs I've ever heard, which [I assume] details someone going to heaven, and all the things they see on the way, ending on the line "There was nothing to fear, nothing to doubt". Now I'm not a religious person [and I don't believe Thom is either], but it's powerful imagery.

However, that's where the happiness ends, and if Amnesiac is a concept album, then Pyramid song is probably relating to an amnesiac trying to "piece together" memories of the former happier world, and not the corrupt world detailed in Dollars and Cents.
Although it is songs that were left over from Kid A, I find it easier to relate to a concept in this album.

Musically, this album is unmatched in diversity. It supplies me with a need that I want, but don't generally find in albums; it's completely musically different to other things out there. Jazz is at its heart, but it's also filled with electronica and some blues elements (such as I Might Be Wrong's blues riff) elements and it all works so wonderfully. No other album sounds like this.

"Packt like Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box" is the opener and introduction for what's to come. Its main driving force is it's electronic beat and bass line, but there's also guitars present in there, though not in the usual way. I didn't even notice until after a few listens, it's just subtle sounds mixed in that layer over each other and compliment each other well.

"Pyramid Song" is a musical masterpiece, and my personal favourite song of all time; It's songs like this that I wish there were more of (but yet, don't. It makes the song more original I guess). It starts with simple piano chords, but it instantly gets you as the time signature is very unusual, switching between 2/4 and 3/4, and you won't really be able to get it right until after listening to the song many times... or until the introduction of the drums. The song has many amazing moments, the introduction of the drums, the string section, the wailings of the ondes martenot, and the heart warming lyrics. It's beautiful.

"No other album sounds like this."

The other stand out song on the album is "Like Spinning Plates", a ghostly song that is similar to Dollars and Cents in that it has a corrupt government theme, but it's also similar to pyramid song in that it's a tad more super naturual and ghostly, emphasised of course by the reversed vocals. It's probably the most unique sounding song on the album.

However, there are criticisms with this album, evidently. "Pulk/Pull Revolving Doors", however initially grabbing the pulsating beat is, is just boring. Thom had developed a fascination with doors at this point in his career, but the lyrics in this song are more like reading a Wikipedia article about doors, or just a list of useless facts about doors. It's not creepy, it's not different, it's just a boring yet initially interesting electronic song. I wouldn't mind it as a breather song if it wasn't for it being four minutes long, way to long seeing as the song never really develops into anything else, apart from sampling the end of Pyramid song in places.

However, this may seem contradictory to what I've just said, but the song still works. It works as an "in limbo" song next to pyramid song; basically what I'm saying is that the song indeed does fit on the album, though it doesn't work as a stand alone song. Another song like this is "Hunting Bears", which is actually quite nice and ambient sounding and fits on the album, but as a stand alone song? Not nearly as strong as the others.

There are still songs that don't really belong, though, such as "Knives Out", which probably would have fit better on an album like "Ok Computer", as it's just the usual 3 guitar line up, which is fine, but it doesn't go anywhere on this album. It, like Pulk/Pull, IS initially a great and catchy song, but it's the same thing over and over again, with unusually boring vocals from Yorke. Basically what I'm saying is, if you played this song and then fast forwarded 2 minutes in, it would probably sound the same.

"It is not as easily initially listenable as Kid A or other albums, but once you let it get into you, it's an amazing album."

There are also times when the album really does seem like a Kid A left over, for example, having another version of Morning Bell. Though that might be being a little unfair, as the Amnesiac morning bell is very interesting, as it highlights the differences between Kid A and Amnesiac. Kid A's morning bell is a dancy song, while on Amnesiac, it is portrayed to be a rather terrifying sounding song, and when Thom sings "please" it actually sounds he generally needs help. It's creepy, but it is not as listenable as the Kid A version. That sums up Amnesiac in general, it is not as easily initially listenable as Kid A or other albums, but once you let it get into you, it's an amazing album, a really amazing album. It's similar to finding that a box has a hidden compartment filled with gems.

In conclusion, yes, the album does have weak points, but most of those weak points vanish while you let the album get under your skin. There are times when the album really hits you with all it's strengths: the guitar break down in "I Might Be Wrong", the orchestra in "Pyramid Song", the seemingly out of nowhere build up in "You and Whose Army?". It all comes together as an amazing diverse album, that isn't for everyone, but it's exactly everything I want in an album.

10/10

I'm going to get possibly boring things out of the way first

2008-05-18T16:06:00.000+01:00

And by boring, I probably mean stuff that I don't usually write. Anyway, first things first:

Exams:

I'm doing my exams now...and probably most of you that read my blog (but not Dom cos he does not have GCSEs cos he's in another country and is older than me hey Dom I know you from that ugmo place that is the end of the bracket bye).

So yeah, I had an art exam last monday and tuesday (I did a painting), lasting 10 hours in total. I only got about 8 hours for mine though, because the first hour was painting the whole board white and waiting for it to dry, and the next was drawing on the board with pencil. Both of these were meant to be done before the exam, but when I got there early to do this, I got "board carrying duty", carrying all the canvases (they were large) from one building to another. I got help though, of course, but yeah. Annoying.

The other bad thing was that I was also meant to project the photoshop (that I was drawing from) onto the board, but the projector wouldn't stay open (it's a broken piece of shit) so I had to just draw it free hand really quickly. I actually had to sit down for 5 minutes because everything had just gone horribly wrong right from the start. After that though, when I actually began the whole "painting" part, it all went fine, and I finished 10 mins early anyway.

So yeah. Nothing else interesting exam wise, but I did manage to mention Thom Yorke in my citizenship exam. Y'see, I was answering a question about pressure groups, and I mentioned the "Big Ask Campaign" and how pressure groups may be popular with young people as they're backed up by celebrities (such as Thom Thom). Another person also did this (Fearghall) so then we high fived after the exam.

Rest in Psychotic peace, Psychoholiday:

Psychoholiday, the private uploader to a site I've been on, has permanently closed down after two and a half years of loyal service. I miss it already, man. It was perfect, it was the only uploader that my school hadn't blocked, and lots of little memories over the past 2 years had been conviniently stacked in one place. *Salutes it*. I guess I'll have to use google pages or something now, which won't be nearly as cool.

Bioshock? On MY PS3 and theaters?

Bioshock (my favourite game for years) is going to be ported to the PS3, it has recently been announced. I really shouldn't care (and, well, I don't), as I don't have a PS3, but hopefully I can get Oran to get this game now. It's brilliant.

More importantly, however, is that there's going to be a Bioshock movie now. It's gonna be made by Universal Pictures and directed by the guy that directed Pirates of the Carribean. I'm not sure if this film will suck or be completely awesome, probably the former, but I'll most likely enjoy it. I'm not sure what it's gonna be though. A sequel? A prequel? We'll see.

And now for the usual stuff

I'm not feeling as down as I have been for the past weeks, mainly because exams have started. Why would that make you happy, you say? Well, because after weeks of being stressed about "being thrown into the fire", I'm actually in the fire now, and it's not so bad (better if anything; I come in, write things down, and leave, with in 2 hours or so). Now, instead of looking ahead and seeing exams, I'm looking ahead and seeing holidays, because the exams will be over soon, and there's a 2 week break inbetween anyway.

Also, I think I should add, I'm over that "anonymous" "vague" thing I always rambled about for the past few blogs. All the "care" I had about that subject is now gone, hopefully forever. I can tick that off of my "to do list" now. I actually have a to do list, conviniently located amongst a sea of myspace blogs, that I actually update (by form of commenting them) if I've done any of these. I'm pleased to see that I've done most of these, which is neat.

Haha, actually this just reminded me of something...

I found my old diary

Yep, that's right folks, before I started writing myspace blogs, and eventually this blogspot blog, I used to have a diary... It's hilariously bad. I'm so ashamed of what I used to say. The only good thing about it is entries that would simply consist of "*insert name here* is a cunt". Those ones were fantastic. The rest, however, is basically a bunch of bollocks crammed into a blender, with the resulting product sprawled onto paper. I even drew fuckin' EMO drawings. What the hell? This isn't me.

It was funny looking back, though. It's from 2006, and even though that's not all that far away, I'd forgotten a lot of events. Fun. I might start writing in it again; it's like this blog except that I am never vague about anything, and it's covered in doodles of sonic and DEREk.

And, once again, I'm reminded of things that I had once forgotten...

Lips the Fish and Alien Potato used to go hand in hand

I know what you're thinking. It's either "What?" or "Who the fuck are this fish and potato". I'll explain briefly:

Alien Potato and Lips the Fish are characters from cartoons that I make, conviniently titled as "Lips the Fish" and "Alien Potato". What I had forgotten though, is something different. I recently was looking through my old school planners, and I found doodles of them. Not only did I remember that Alien Potato was actually based on a doodle I did from a character from an anime on cartoon network, but that Lips and Alien Potato actually came from the same series.

Originally, after creating Alien Potato, I decided to make a bunch of companions for him. One of them was Eric the bird (though I think this was actually a girl), Jim the Caterpillar, and then Lips the fish. I did comics about this and everything. Now, when I made the Lips cartoons, I'd completely forgotten that he used to be a part of the Alien Potato crew, haha.

As a result of this, Lips will not be in the Alien Potato cartoon. Why's this? Because the Lips of the original Alien Potato was different. For one, he could walk, and talk, and fight. Lips, in his own cartoon, is presented as a cowardly thing that can swim fast and crash into rocks. They've essentially branched off as 2 different characters. I'll probably make another character for the Alien Potato series, instead.

Still, it was nice to remember this. This blog was a bit different to usual because I have nothing to moan about, and if you aren't aware of Lips or Alien Potato then you will not get it, but yeah.

Oh yeah

I've decided that Amnesiac is my favourite album ever. The reason is pretty simple, and I would go on about it, but I wont: No other album sounds like this. Atleast not that I'm aware of. Cool. Bye.

HEY DOM!

Laughing when you shouldn't

2008-05-03T21:47:00.000+01:00

Honestly, I think this in itself deserves a blog post:

It's perfect.

Weird Thing about this School

2008-05-02T22:58:00.000+01:00

A weird thing about this school for me, is that as it approaches the final days, I just get more and more depressed. The last day of my former secondary school was by far the best day I had there. It was awesome, mainly because I felt special because I was leaving. We went to the park and did things and eat food and stayed there 'til it was dark and went home. That sounds kinda lame, but yeah, it's mainly the special treatment you get when you're one of the only people leaving. I got a shirt signed by 60 people and everything. I don't really know what I'm writing about as of now...

Ok, where was I? Oh yeah...um.... Last day of primary school was also incredible, I felt like I had all the best friends in the world. Now I talk to only 2 of those people; one of them is one of my best friends (though after spending years away apart from occasional visits, we really have both completely changed from each other), and the other goes to my school now, though I don't actually talk to her much, if at all. I used to hang out with loads more of my primary school friends, but they've all turned into horrible chavs with gangs that go around mugging people...or I just don't see them anymore.

The last day of year 10 (at this school) was horrible for me and I don't know why. Well, I think it was because I'd completely distanced myself from loads of people I used to know. It's like...I have to try and keep relations up, otherwise within weeks they fall apart. How crappy is that? How you have to try to stay friends with someone. This happens all the time, I'm gonna see all the friends I've stuck with:

Primary School:

Virtually no one, except a very cool guy called Jamil. But y'know, even then, I only see him about twice a year.

Secondary School:

Oran and Luke come to mine regularly, but I don't speak to anyone else. I speak to Alec occasionally on msn, sometimes Josh, but that's it. I'm only gonna count 2.

So that's 3 friends I have from other places, that I stay in contact with (as in seeing them face to face). That's seriously not much at all, especially considering how many friends I had while I was in those schools.

I predict that by the time I leave this school, my friends will include:

Anthony
Micah
Christian
Zak
Liam

And no one else. The thing is though, I can imagine that list being narrowed down to just Zak, because he lives incredibly close to me which is awesome. I also think I'd see Anthony a lot; he lives far away but he's my best friend so I'm not gonna just stop seeing him. I think I'll probably still see Christian, Liam, and Micah, but I also thought that about Alec, Josh, Joanne, Leo etc and I don't see any of them. Weird.

This whole blog is a joke, btw. I'm pretending that I'm mad about this, when I'm not. I don't care about who I see, if I'll "drift away from my precious friends" or whatever the hell I'm talking about now. I'm still mad about that thing that I refuse to mention (though the theme seems obvious), but I don't actually want to write about that, so I wrote about this instead. I don't really care about everything I've wrote up there ^^^, though I am more sad at the end of this year than my previous years, and I do miss my old friends that I don't see.

...

...

Ok, so it turns out that everything I wrote isn't a joke, it does sadden me actually, but y'know. I'm not as sad about it as I pretended I was, I'm trying to justify my sadness by pretending to be EXTRA sad about something big, like having not many friends from old places, but really I'm just sad that I didn't get a fuckin' hug. This is why I'm so vague, because that's one of the reasons for my anger and it just makes my whole blog seem pathetic. Oops.

But really, I'd love a hug any time soon. I haven't had one at all for about 3 weeks, and it's getting annoying. I also haven't had a serious conversation (that isn't just jokes) in a long time, except with Zak, but it was short and not much was discussed. All I could think about was how I was cold, also. That was fun though, trying to get home for an hour at 11pm is quite fun when you're with someone you know.

So yeah...other things...

I think I'm going to fail my ICT GCSE. By "think" I mean "know", but it's the only thing I'm going to fail. I hope I get an A in maths, and I want to get an A in english also. I'm also pretty confident that I'm gonna get a distinction in art, which is basically 4 GCSEs of A* which is awesome. Yeah. Work is hard as of now, and I'm mega stressed, but work is only 10% of that stress. I'm coping pretty well.

I have £400 saved up, and I feel like I should buy something. Not sure what though; maybe a good microphone that makes my voice sound like velvet; maybe a tablet? I'm not sure. I don't want to spend much because I don't like spending money because I feel like I could have bought something much more important for cheaper etc. Yeah. Maybe GTA4 lolololol. Everyone's going crazy for that game, and it looks awesome, but there's something about GTA that has never appealed to me. I think I need my games to be more imaginative than as real as possible. I'm not slagging off GTA here, the games are great, just not my thing. I'll be getting GTA4 though.

And here I am, talking about GTA. This probably means I've gone on too long. Anthony keeps bugging me to go on the phone, hopefully he's gonna tell me that I can go to his house tomorrow and stay the night. I kinda really, really, wanna get away from here for a little bit.

This is my longest blog yet. This is smashing.

Today destroyed me

2008-05-01T21:30:00.000+01:00

Completely and utterly destroyed me in more ways than I thought I would be. Wasn't prepared at all. The only good thing is this picture I drew:

It's a man... well, not really a man. He's screaming about something, I don't really know what but it's kind of a funny picture that I had an impulse to do. He looks like he's chanting or something yep. What a massive hero.

Don't you hate it when you go in a shop, get something, and then go to the counter, and the guy there is like "WUN PUND PLZ" and I'm like "what?" and yeah. I don't know how much money he wants so I just kinda give it a gamble. It's embarrassing when the thing I'm buying is like 70p and I pay him with two £1 coins. Well, actually, it shouldn't be embarrassing; it's his fault.

This blog is shit. I'm trying to not make it boring and ramble, but I'm wanting to keep what I'm rambling about a secret and thus making it mega vague and boring. I do that a lot like my last blog. Who honestly cares about what I'm talking about if I don't actually say? I'll tell ya who...someone with no life. I'm actually doing it again, boo.

So yeah... I'm writing a song right now. It will probably be a really lame song, but I hope not. I want to make it good, because it will be better writing a song than ranting about nothing here. It's kinda based around C chord so far; it's 'cos I was playing along to true love waits on piano and played something else that sounded nice. I then transfered this to guitar, it was kinda pretty. I'll probably find out soon that I ripped off another song, again. This happens far too much, I've ripped off "Nice Dream", "Knives Out" and "2+2=5", all accidentally. I know I said that I made this while playing to true love waits, but it doesn't sound like, so currently it is not a rip off.

It was my cat's birthday today; she's 9 years old and still a kitten, honestly. She was really happy when I came home which was really nice. Yeah. What a lame blog. Atleast it's a decent length though *shrugs*.