Monday, 28 November 2011
Saturday, 12 November 2011
Why is this here?
I'm glad I wrote this blog. But it really does show how much of my life I've spent being unhappy. I think there's some correlations here and there. I've said before how I only write when I'm sad, and that goes for music as well (or at least lyrics) and being creative in general. This year however was the year I've wrote in this least since starting it.
Does that mean it was my happiest year? In some moments it was probably the happiest I'd been since childhood. In fact the most I had to complain about was that I probably shouldn't have been enjoying it as much as I should, for the first few months, which I spent being a recluse and playing videogames. In fact there was a time where I literally didn't meet up with any friends or do anything for months, or even leave my house. I spent my days trying to finish that cartoon (which wasn't very good) up until December. Then I had nothing to do and no obligations for ages. And this is how I expected the year to last. And honestly this was quite a nice time.
But then, in March, Zak had his birthday meet up, and I met up with a bunch of old friends I hadn't seen for months. And I met a bunch of new people who I liked, whose company I enjoyed and who enjoyed my company. And I enjoyed myself quite a bit. So I decided to try and be more of a social and outgoing person from that moment onwards, and to integrate myself into that group. So I did, and it was fun. But I was constantly aware the whole time that this was just a passing thing, and I'd be leaving London to start a completely new life soon. So I could never completely just relish in my happiness, except May. May was specifically amazing. The holiday + some other stuff I can't really write here.
The thing is that I was fine with that before. Back in fuckin' January. My life was different. I had nothing going for me back here except dossing around for a year, which I wanted to do. But then I made the mistake of making it so I did have something going for me. It brought me happiness, then a coming sadness when that had to end. And I can't convince myself it was worth it. But I can't change anything now. I just have to build a life down here and hope it's as good. But the thing is, I find that so difficult. It was such an amazing system making the friends I'd made, because 1: I knew they were most likely cool people because they were already friends of 2 of my best friends, and 2: I could just instantly be myself around them because I am myself around my old friends.
I've always found it difficult communicating and making friends, but somehow I never really was this year until now. It's a horrible feeling. I thought I was cured, but it turns out I was just in a specific circumstance. And without that circumstance, I am unable.
But of course I haven't really gone into details with this blog. So I'm wondering what the point is of having this over something like a diary. Nobody reads it except me and maybe the occasional 1 or 2 other people, and whenever I want to write something down that really expresses how I am feeling, I get incredibly nervous that it'll be made public, and I refrain. I never used to be like this, as evident from earlier blog entries here.
Maybe I should just say. I am becoming pessimistic about life in general. But I think it's just the way I am. Being happy for a long period of time is a naturally hard thing for me to obtain. Why was I sad all those years ago? Nothing was really wrong. I spent a lot of time bored. But I feel bored is good for me, in that usually the only other alternative is sadness. Now things in my life are actually wrong and I wish I could go back even 6 months.
I think part of the problem is that, when I discovered how big life is, how important it is, and how short it is, I decided I wanted a lot more from it. And I never get that "lot more" that I decided I need. And I am currently at a dark time in my life. But I had such immense happy times such a short while ago. So I am at least understanding that you can never know what is around the corner, and how you are now can always change.
I retired my old blog when it got to the 100th entry. This is the 99th entry. The next and last entry will be my album, then I might move onto somewhere else. Myspace, Blogspot. What's next? Tumblr? Or nothing? I'll probably always keep writing. But it might just be on paper, in a book, that I keep by my bed.
Does that mean it was my happiest year? In some moments it was probably the happiest I'd been since childhood. In fact the most I had to complain about was that I probably shouldn't have been enjoying it as much as I should, for the first few months, which I spent being a recluse and playing videogames. In fact there was a time where I literally didn't meet up with any friends or do anything for months, or even leave my house. I spent my days trying to finish that cartoon (which wasn't very good) up until December. Then I had nothing to do and no obligations for ages. And this is how I expected the year to last. And honestly this was quite a nice time.
But then, in March, Zak had his birthday meet up, and I met up with a bunch of old friends I hadn't seen for months. And I met a bunch of new people who I liked, whose company I enjoyed and who enjoyed my company. And I enjoyed myself quite a bit. So I decided to try and be more of a social and outgoing person from that moment onwards, and to integrate myself into that group. So I did, and it was fun. But I was constantly aware the whole time that this was just a passing thing, and I'd be leaving London to start a completely new life soon. So I could never completely just relish in my happiness, except May. May was specifically amazing. The holiday + some other stuff I can't really write here.
The thing is that I was fine with that before. Back in fuckin' January. My life was different. I had nothing going for me back here except dossing around for a year, which I wanted to do. But then I made the mistake of making it so I did have something going for me. It brought me happiness, then a coming sadness when that had to end. And I can't convince myself it was worth it. But I can't change anything now. I just have to build a life down here and hope it's as good. But the thing is, I find that so difficult. It was such an amazing system making the friends I'd made, because 1: I knew they were most likely cool people because they were already friends of 2 of my best friends, and 2: I could just instantly be myself around them because I am myself around my old friends.
I've always found it difficult communicating and making friends, but somehow I never really was this year until now. It's a horrible feeling. I thought I was cured, but it turns out I was just in a specific circumstance. And without that circumstance, I am unable.
But of course I haven't really gone into details with this blog. So I'm wondering what the point is of having this over something like a diary. Nobody reads it except me and maybe the occasional 1 or 2 other people, and whenever I want to write something down that really expresses how I am feeling, I get incredibly nervous that it'll be made public, and I refrain. I never used to be like this, as evident from earlier blog entries here.
Maybe I should just say. I am becoming pessimistic about life in general. But I think it's just the way I am. Being happy for a long period of time is a naturally hard thing for me to obtain. Why was I sad all those years ago? Nothing was really wrong. I spent a lot of time bored. But I feel bored is good for me, in that usually the only other alternative is sadness. Now things in my life are actually wrong and I wish I could go back even 6 months.
I think part of the problem is that, when I discovered how big life is, how important it is, and how short it is, I decided I wanted a lot more from it. And I never get that "lot more" that I decided I need. And I am currently at a dark time in my life. But I had such immense happy times such a short while ago. So I am at least understanding that you can never know what is around the corner, and how you are now can always change.
I retired my old blog when it got to the 100th entry. This is the 99th entry. The next and last entry will be my album, then I might move onto somewhere else. Myspace, Blogspot. What's next? Tumblr? Or nothing? I'll probably always keep writing. But it might just be on paper, in a book, that I keep by my bed.
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
Thursday, 9 June 2011
Vanishing Art
Warning: Another blog about art and its relation to death and loss! Sorry. I wouldn't say that those are the two things most on my mind, because they're not, but they are often motivators for me to write. I often write in weird solemn moods, which is another problem with my music. I can seem like such a sad sack, but it is because sadness for some reason leads to expression for me. But that is only within writing and music. It is usually feeling active or direct inspiration from something else that makes me want to draw or animate. That's kind of weird to me.
I just felt like writing what a tragedy it is that Elliott Smith died when he did. From a Basement on the Hill was probably his most interesting and inspired period of song writing and experimentation, and it's really horrible that it was never finished. The version released is a fragment, a rough stitching of a few incredible ideas. Then we have some of the amazing unreleased tracks from it: See You In Heaven, True Love, Stick Man.
But the version he was going to create, that kind of White Album inspired thing will never come to pass, most of the songs were never finished, and any concrete idea of what it could have been vanished when that knife went in his chest.
The thought of something like that being lost in an instant is definitely a powerful force in making me document my thoughts, art, music etc. Sometimes it is a comfort that something is within my brain and is mine and only mine. But I feel uncomfortable over the thought of it being lost.
I just felt like writing what a tragedy it is that Elliott Smith died when he did. From a Basement on the Hill was probably his most interesting and inspired period of song writing and experimentation, and it's really horrible that it was never finished. The version released is a fragment, a rough stitching of a few incredible ideas. Then we have some of the amazing unreleased tracks from it: See You In Heaven, True Love, Stick Man.
But the version he was going to create, that kind of White Album inspired thing will never come to pass, most of the songs were never finished, and any concrete idea of what it could have been vanished when that knife went in his chest.
The thought of something like that being lost in an instant is definitely a powerful force in making me document my thoughts, art, music etc. Sometimes it is a comfort that something is within my brain and is mine and only mine. But I feel uncomfortable over the thought of it being lost.
Friday, 27 May 2011
Art as expression
I'll start off first by talking about the motivation for this blog. I was reading about the context surrounding the album "Young Prayer" by Panda Bear. It was written and recorded in the room his father died in, and was written and recorded whilst his father was sick. It was made mostly for him to listen to, to know that his son was proud and grateful for having him as a dad. To quote him:
Maybe that's besides the point. Maybe it's just the fact that his son makes music and has kind of found himself and what he wants to do with his life, rather than the actual product. I guess that's cool. I guess it's just always the sentiment that's more important, "it's the thought that counts" etc.
I just wanted to write about that.
With Young Prayer, I wanted to tell him that he had taught me really well. I wanted to be like, ‘It’s been really good hanging out and learning from you, you’ve been a really good man and set a good example’.And this started making me think about hypothetically being in a similar situation. I've always been sort of nervous about using art as an expression directed at someone specific for them to hear, because they might not like or get it. What I mean as that for example with music, 90% of what I love and would like to create would just seem so alien to my parents, I think. The Panda Bear album that sparked this thought for example is mostly just him softly strumming a guitar while singing high falsetto notes with incomprehensible lyrics. It's beautiful to me, like meditation music. But if I made something similar for a dying parent, they really wouldn't appreciate it properly.
Maybe that's besides the point. Maybe it's just the fact that his son makes music and has kind of found himself and what he wants to do with his life, rather than the actual product. I guess that's cool. I guess it's just always the sentiment that's more important, "it's the thought that counts" etc.
I just wanted to write about that.
Monday, 14 March 2011
My Music
I have been wanting to make an album (or EP if I don't make enough stuff) this year, and am basically in the writing process. I'm kind of...half suffering writer's block, and half not. I have been having many ideas in my mind of the musical direction, structure of the record, the kind of songs and styles that would go together. But the actual y'know, writing, has been slow. I'm also not entirely sure whether to make it too much of a mish mash, even though it probably wouldn't end up like that unless I really was ambitious. But so far I plan for this to have a largely minimilist electronic sort of sound (think James Blake) with shoegaze guitars. That was my main thing I wanted to combine, aswell as writing instrumental piano pieces and even some classical guitar songs (very much inspired by Sun Kil Moon's latest album, which is beautiful).
The main problem I think I'm having, is that I am finding success writing the acoustic guitar based tracks, because it is a familiar outlet for me. But the main focus of what I wanted the album to be (the electronics + shoegaze mix) I am not really getting places as fast as I should. It's because it's all new to me, so that's fine, or would be if I didn't feel I have to get this done by September (university starts then) or just not get it done at all. It's quite tough, but I mean, recording music by yourself is never easy. I have only recorded 3 songs that I would call decent (and even then I'm not hugely proud of them) and now I'm expecting myself to write an album's worth?
Is this the problem? Should I take a less structured approach and just focus on the songs themselves, and just enjoy the experimentation and song writing without worrying about the amount produced? I'd answer yes, if I didn't feel I won't have an opportunity like this for a long time, maybe even ever again.
The main problem I think I'm having, is that I am finding success writing the acoustic guitar based tracks, because it is a familiar outlet for me. But the main focus of what I wanted the album to be (the electronics + shoegaze mix) I am not really getting places as fast as I should. It's because it's all new to me, so that's fine, or would be if I didn't feel I have to get this done by September (university starts then) or just not get it done at all. It's quite tough, but I mean, recording music by yourself is never easy. I have only recorded 3 songs that I would call decent (and even then I'm not hugely proud of them) and now I'm expecting myself to write an album's worth?
Is this the problem? Should I take a less structured approach and just focus on the songs themselves, and just enjoy the experimentation and song writing without worrying about the amount produced? I'd answer yes, if I didn't feel I won't have an opportunity like this for a long time, maybe even ever again.
Wednesday, 2 March 2011
2011
Hey, it's 2011 now. Has been for like 2 months, but I'm just mentioning this while looking at the date of my last blog. I don't know why I don't write as much, but it undoubtedly has something to do with the fact that I am often inspired to write while feeling low, and I've been in that weird limbo period between feeling low and feeling happy for a good while now. I think it's what most people feel like most of the time. It's that weird place of just being content, which means I am not sad or excited enough to want to create anything, which is bad for me. I guess it's mostly a good thing, but I kind of regret not documenting things. I pretty much haven't touched my diary since July, and when I did, it was pathetic. I tried on 3 different days to finish 1 entry, and got about 50 words done. So yeah, should probably start that up again.
Decided I am going to go to university next year, so I applied to do animation and have interviews for everywhere I applied, though some I am not going to go because I've already gotten into one of my top choices (they accepted day after interview which was nice). Not sure if this is interesting to anyone. I've voiced disappointment in the way my life is going in the past, the fact that I don't feel there is any university course that is worth persuing to do what I really want to do in life (even that is vague and uncertain, I just want to live off art of my own in any medium), but I think this is definitely for the best. Because it will be fun. It's a nice form of independence where you have semi long periods of living away from home, before going back there and alternating between the two and getting the best of both worlds.
This sure is a piece of shit blog. I can't write in this thing without feeling it's being read by people who I don't want to read it anymore. I don't know why that is. Looking back on old entries, I used to be stupidly honest. It's actually quite surprising how I would just write as if there wasn't a possibility of people reading it, but it's so much easier that way. You don't have to read over and say "I should include that". You just do. I need to start doing that again, but not here.
It seems that even though it's been a few months, I still don't know what to say. I guess my life isn't changing enough to make interesting words. Oh! I met Bown and Bibilo. That was a big thing for me, because I got to see that text on a screen actually exists IRL! I am wording that stupidly on purpose. But yeah, I never really liked writing what I do on this blog, rather than what I think, and I don't think I've changed much in that regard.
I plan to go into more detail of these in a separate blog soon (I guess a summary of 2010), but for now, here's 2 small lists:
Top Albums of 2010 (no order):
Janelle Monáe - The Arch Android
Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti - Before Today
Charlotte Gainsbourg - IRM
Arcade Fire - The Suburbs
Sleigh Bells - Treats
If I had to pick it would be The Arch Android for my favourite.
Still haven't checked out the latest Sun Kil Moon album though.
Albums I am liking so far of 2011 (no order):
Radiohead - The King of Limbs
James Blake - James Blake
Yuck - Yuck
If I had to pick...nah, too early to tell. All English albums so far!
Decided I am going to go to university next year, so I applied to do animation and have interviews for everywhere I applied, though some I am not going to go because I've already gotten into one of my top choices (they accepted day after interview which was nice). Not sure if this is interesting to anyone. I've voiced disappointment in the way my life is going in the past, the fact that I don't feel there is any university course that is worth persuing to do what I really want to do in life (even that is vague and uncertain, I just want to live off art of my own in any medium), but I think this is definitely for the best. Because it will be fun. It's a nice form of independence where you have semi long periods of living away from home, before going back there and alternating between the two and getting the best of both worlds.
This sure is a piece of shit blog. I can't write in this thing without feeling it's being read by people who I don't want to read it anymore. I don't know why that is. Looking back on old entries, I used to be stupidly honest. It's actually quite surprising how I would just write as if there wasn't a possibility of people reading it, but it's so much easier that way. You don't have to read over and say "I should include that". You just do. I need to start doing that again, but not here.
It seems that even though it's been a few months, I still don't know what to say. I guess my life isn't changing enough to make interesting words. Oh! I met Bown and Bibilo. That was a big thing for me, because I got to see that text on a screen actually exists IRL! I am wording that stupidly on purpose. But yeah, I never really liked writing what I do on this blog, rather than what I think, and I don't think I've changed much in that regard.
I plan to go into more detail of these in a separate blog soon (I guess a summary of 2010), but for now, here's 2 small lists:
Top Albums of 2010 (no order):
Janelle Monáe - The Arch Android
Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti - Before Today
Charlotte Gainsbourg - IRM
Arcade Fire - The Suburbs
Sleigh Bells - Treats
If I had to pick it would be The Arch Android for my favourite.
Still haven't checked out the latest Sun Kil Moon album though.
Albums I am liking so far of 2011 (no order):
Radiohead - The King of Limbs
James Blake - James Blake
Yuck - Yuck
If I had to pick...nah, too early to tell. All English albums so far!
Tuesday, 21 December 2010
Saturday, 23 October 2010
Tumblr, it's not your fault. It's who you hang around with.
STUFF ABOUT ME BEING ILL + MUSIC
My stomach hurts too much to eat so I'm looking up various foods on wikipedia. It's really not a very good idea but then again, what is? Maybe not doing it. Ok, you have made your point, SHUT UP. I've also gotten myself into a weird point where I'm so tired, but my stomach hurts so much that I won't be able to sleep. And I can't really draw anything right now either, but I need to keep occupied. Almost all my music is giving me a headache and making me feel ill. I knew I should have gotten more emergency music that is slow and droney as hell, with no percussion or vocals.
But as it stands I currently don't really have any of that; I've got a new laptop recently, and only copied some essential stuff over as of now, though I did a piss poor job of that because I somehow managed to only copy over 3 Red House Painters songs (and they're my favourite band). I'm finding myself listening to The Beach Boy's "Don't Talk (Put Your Head on My Shoulder)" on repeat now. It's really hypnotic and drifty. I also had the probably controversial/wrong opinion as of late that "Pet Sounds" is a better album than any Beatles album, with the possible exception of The White Album. But it's just so enjoyable, and to think that it even came out before Sgt. Peppers is pretty impressive (yeah, I know that Peppers was directly influenced by it).
On the subject of music way before my time, I've realised I have really hardly explored the 70s at all. I mean what - Neil Young, Nick Drake, Serge Gainsbourg, Queen. Is that it? I should sort myself out. I also feel that I should apologise to the 80s, cos Anthony made me aware that I kind of slagged it off when I was 15, but really. You brought us The Cure, The Smiths, Michael Jackson's best album (Thriller for those of you who aren't kidding yourselves), My Bloody Valentine's fantastic debut album, and y'know, lots more stuff. So kudos! I think my major gripe is that I think the 80s was kind of the point where mainstream music really started to go down hill, but you should judge a period of time by what it produced, not what became popular.
THE TUMBLR SECTION
I'm gonna talk about blogging for a while, though I'm a bit late on talking about what I'm about to talk about. I have pretty much been (semi) regularly blogging since 2006, and it's always been a weird nerdy fringe thing. Like the "You should check out my blog! I've got some opinions there! Heh!" stereotype. Then semi-recently, the tumblr craze started to kick in, and I was honestly excited. Maybe I'd get the chance to read people's thoughts on things, get some kind of better understanding of the people I know but don't really associate with.
Turns out it's just an excuse to post pictures you've seen somewhere else.
I mean, seriously? Is this what people choose to do? Fucking christ. Why is it that when the the "majority" (best word I could have used to not make me look like an elitist shit, guess I failed there) get a hand on something, their first port of call is to be like everyone else? I think the fact there's even a "re-blogging" option is just such a horrible, mind bogglingly stupid tool, saying "come on, don't put any effort it. Just click this button and your tumblr will be as cool as ours!". But then I can't really fault tumblr for that. Its tools given are those that can be created for good, but people use them for evil (ie: stupidly reblogging everyone's blogs that are just a cool black and white picture of someone smoking a cigarette or something).
I think tumblr has Little Big Planet syndrome. For those of you who don't know, Little Big Planet is a videogame that has a very in depth level creator, with the major purpose of the game being creating and sharing levels on a world wide platform via uploading them. The problem with this that it only really works that well as a mechanic if the majority of the audience are artistic creative wonders who don't just remake levels of old games and create cars that go really fast and crash into walls (and one thing it really has in common with Tumblr is that everyone copies levels and posts them again as if they're their own work). Or at the very least, make it easier for the generally good level designs to get a front page spot. What I'm saying is that the premise of tumblr/blogs in general is obviously great, but christ do people do stupid things instead.
I mean at the end of the day, none of this really matters. People can choose to make their blogs however they want/whatever they want them to be about. Quality isn't really what's bugging me. I'm not arguing that a certain style of blogging is best, and that everyone's blogs should strive to be verbose/wordy like mine or anything. I'm just saying that at the very fucking least don't create them by pressing a single button to copy someone else's.
My stomach hurts too much to eat so I'm looking up various foods on wikipedia. It's really not a very good idea but then again, what is? Maybe not doing it. Ok, you have made your point, SHUT UP. I've also gotten myself into a weird point where I'm so tired, but my stomach hurts so much that I won't be able to sleep. And I can't really draw anything right now either, but I need to keep occupied. Almost all my music is giving me a headache and making me feel ill. I knew I should have gotten more emergency music that is slow and droney as hell, with no percussion or vocals.
But as it stands I currently don't really have any of that; I've got a new laptop recently, and only copied some essential stuff over as of now, though I did a piss poor job of that because I somehow managed to only copy over 3 Red House Painters songs (and they're my favourite band). I'm finding myself listening to The Beach Boy's "Don't Talk (Put Your Head on My Shoulder)" on repeat now. It's really hypnotic and drifty. I also had the probably controversial/wrong opinion as of late that "Pet Sounds" is a better album than any Beatles album, with the possible exception of The White Album. But it's just so enjoyable, and to think that it even came out before Sgt. Peppers is pretty impressive (yeah, I know that Peppers was directly influenced by it).
On the subject of music way before my time, I've realised I have really hardly explored the 70s at all. I mean what - Neil Young, Nick Drake, Serge Gainsbourg, Queen. Is that it? I should sort myself out. I also feel that I should apologise to the 80s, cos Anthony made me aware that I kind of slagged it off when I was 15, but really. You brought us The Cure, The Smiths, Michael Jackson's best album (Thriller for those of you who aren't kidding yourselves), My Bloody Valentine's fantastic debut album, and y'know, lots more stuff. So kudos! I think my major gripe is that I think the 80s was kind of the point where mainstream music really started to go down hill, but you should judge a period of time by what it produced, not what became popular.
THE TUMBLR SECTION
I'm gonna talk about blogging for a while, though I'm a bit late on talking about what I'm about to talk about. I have pretty much been (semi) regularly blogging since 2006, and it's always been a weird nerdy fringe thing. Like the "You should check out my blog! I've got some opinions there! Heh!" stereotype. Then semi-recently, the tumblr craze started to kick in, and I was honestly excited. Maybe I'd get the chance to read people's thoughts on things, get some kind of better understanding of the people I know but don't really associate with.
Turns out it's just an excuse to post pictures you've seen somewhere else.
I mean, seriously? Is this what people choose to do? Fucking christ. Why is it that when the the "majority" (best word I could have used to not make me look like an elitist shit, guess I failed there) get a hand on something, their first port of call is to be like everyone else? I think the fact there's even a "re-blogging" option is just such a horrible, mind bogglingly stupid tool, saying "come on, don't put any effort it. Just click this button and your tumblr will be as cool as ours!". But then I can't really fault tumblr for that. Its tools given are those that can be created for good, but people use them for evil (ie: stupidly reblogging everyone's blogs that are just a cool black and white picture of someone smoking a cigarette or something).
I think tumblr has Little Big Planet syndrome. For those of you who don't know, Little Big Planet is a videogame that has a very in depth level creator, with the major purpose of the game being creating and sharing levels on a world wide platform via uploading them. The problem with this that it only really works that well as a mechanic if the majority of the audience are artistic creative wonders who don't just remake levels of old games and create cars that go really fast and crash into walls (and one thing it really has in common with Tumblr is that everyone copies levels and posts them again as if they're their own work). Or at the very least, make it easier for the generally good level designs to get a front page spot. What I'm saying is that the premise of tumblr/blogs in general is obviously great, but christ do people do stupid things instead.
I mean at the end of the day, none of this really matters. People can choose to make their blogs however they want/whatever they want them to be about. Quality isn't really what's bugging me. I'm not arguing that a certain style of blogging is best, and that everyone's blogs should strive to be verbose/wordy like mine or anything. I'm just saying that at the very fucking least don't create them by pressing a single button to copy someone else's.
Monday, 18 October 2010
To Not Follow Your Passion
I'm not entirely sure who reads this without me showing them, but whoever that may be, sorry for not writing in this. I think everything is just a bit slowed down, really. None of the bloggers I follow have written any blogs for a long time either (actually Sykes did kinda recently), so maybe it's a peer thing. I have nothing to write about because for a good while my life hasn't had any significant changes, and I'm amazed it's been so long. The days are all one big blur, because I don't do much. I don't actually mind it like this though, which is probably worrying.
But anyway, today I tried applying for a temp job for a nightshift in HMV in Kingston. Thought I'd apply for the nighshift because my body clock is usually naturally fucked (I am writing this at 4am) and I wouldn't have to deal with lots of/any customers most of the time. Which was why I was a tad annoyed that the form said that previous customer experience was essential. It seemed like previously having a job is a prerequisite to getting a job (I have never had a job before), which is frustrating. I'm sure I just need to look further than 1 online application, but still. My hours would be from 9:30pm to 6am. I'd mostly be restocking. If I need past experience for this, what else can I do?
Creatively, I have been actively working towards something that I think will get me some internet exposure. I posted a link to "The City" before, but I have cleaned it up a bit and added about a minute and half of footage, I think. I plan to try and get it sponsored by Newgrounds or another sponsor (maybe flashportal or someone else), and depending on if it does, decide what to do next. If it doesn't get sponsored, I think I might just forget about animating anything for a while. It's not really much of a passion. To explain why I do it might take a bit of a while.
Basically, drawing has always been my biggest talent, or at least it is the one I have explored properly and been the most public about. But a single picture or image can never make such a big impact, at least I would not be able to make such a big impact in this way. I have a love for story telling, characterisation, etc etc. Thus the best I can really do with combining both of these things is animation. It is basically a version of film that I would be competent at, and have no real visual ristrictions, yet be completely individual. I'm not sure what it is with me and creating alone. For some reason I don't ever feel confident with speaking for my creations with any other method besides letting them speak for themselves. I feel uncomfortable explaining the intentions and the story behind something. Back when I was 13 and making movies in 3d Movie Maker and creating threads to hype them up on forums, I would always say the story was "a secret". Possibly because often that aspect is pretty weak with me without the style and way it is told to back it up. Working with other people would mean I couldn't explain my intentions with a finished product, because I'd need them to help with that said product.
But it's not really something I want to do because animation itself is perhaps the most boring and tedious thing in the world. I'm actually leaning towards doing animation in university, though I should hurry up and realise that it's a pointless venture for me. I like animation. I like films. I like stories. If I wanted to be a creative director of an animated movie, I would not need to be an animator, and the story telling aspect and having my own world visualised is the really appealing part. The only reason I make cartoons is because I like the end product, not the process. Having a career where I animate for someone else's creation and directive vision would be my nightmare; all process, none of the feeling of your creation jumping from your mind and into something others can see.
On the matter of university, I've decided that it is something I eventually want to do next year. Because I feel like I need to experience it. Thinking of something that would be worthwhile for me is another matter, and is the problem with creative things. I've gone back to what I was in 2008; I know what I want to become, but not what I want to persue. Knowing my dream and being unsure if I should follow it. It's weird how I'm backtracking. The more I look at what it would involve being a musician properly, the more I want to back away from it.
But how can I say I don't want to be a musician when people like Mark Kozelek exist, reminding me through his bands Red House Painters and Sun Kil Moon just how perfect it is as an individualist medium, and how if I could make just person feel what his music does to me, I would have succeeded at life. To not follow your biggest passion when you are only alive and here once for a very short time...I don't think I could ever rationalise it. I am not going to strive to settle.
But anyway, today I tried applying for a temp job for a nightshift in HMV in Kingston. Thought I'd apply for the nighshift because my body clock is usually naturally fucked (I am writing this at 4am) and I wouldn't have to deal with lots of/any customers most of the time. Which was why I was a tad annoyed that the form said that previous customer experience was essential. It seemed like previously having a job is a prerequisite to getting a job (I have never had a job before), which is frustrating. I'm sure I just need to look further than 1 online application, but still. My hours would be from 9:30pm to 6am. I'd mostly be restocking. If I need past experience for this, what else can I do?
Creatively, I have been actively working towards something that I think will get me some internet exposure. I posted a link to "The City" before, but I have cleaned it up a bit and added about a minute and half of footage, I think. I plan to try and get it sponsored by Newgrounds or another sponsor (maybe flashportal or someone else), and depending on if it does, decide what to do next. If it doesn't get sponsored, I think I might just forget about animating anything for a while. It's not really much of a passion. To explain why I do it might take a bit of a while.
Basically, drawing has always been my biggest talent, or at least it is the one I have explored properly and been the most public about. But a single picture or image can never make such a big impact, at least I would not be able to make such a big impact in this way. I have a love for story telling, characterisation, etc etc. Thus the best I can really do with combining both of these things is animation. It is basically a version of film that I would be competent at, and have no real visual ristrictions, yet be completely individual. I'm not sure what it is with me and creating alone. For some reason I don't ever feel confident with speaking for my creations with any other method besides letting them speak for themselves. I feel uncomfortable explaining the intentions and the story behind something. Back when I was 13 and making movies in 3d Movie Maker and creating threads to hype them up on forums, I would always say the story was "a secret". Possibly because often that aspect is pretty weak with me without the style and way it is told to back it up. Working with other people would mean I couldn't explain my intentions with a finished product, because I'd need them to help with that said product.
But it's not really something I want to do because animation itself is perhaps the most boring and tedious thing in the world. I'm actually leaning towards doing animation in university, though I should hurry up and realise that it's a pointless venture for me. I like animation. I like films. I like stories. If I wanted to be a creative director of an animated movie, I would not need to be an animator, and the story telling aspect and having my own world visualised is the really appealing part. The only reason I make cartoons is because I like the end product, not the process. Having a career where I animate for someone else's creation and directive vision would be my nightmare; all process, none of the feeling of your creation jumping from your mind and into something others can see.
On the matter of university, I've decided that it is something I eventually want to do next year. Because I feel like I need to experience it. Thinking of something that would be worthwhile for me is another matter, and is the problem with creative things. I've gone back to what I was in 2008; I know what I want to become, but not what I want to persue. Knowing my dream and being unsure if I should follow it. It's weird how I'm backtracking. The more I look at what it would involve being a musician properly, the more I want to back away from it.
But how can I say I don't want to be a musician when people like Mark Kozelek exist, reminding me through his bands Red House Painters and Sun Kil Moon just how perfect it is as an individualist medium, and how if I could make just person feel what his music does to me, I would have succeeded at life. To not follow your biggest passion when you are only alive and here once for a very short time...I don't think I could ever rationalise it. I am not going to strive to settle.
Saturday, 4 September 2010
This is where I live
And I've never felt less at home
Sorry for making a post that's just a link to a song, but I had a special moment with it today and so should you.
Sorry for making a post that's just a link to a song, but I had a special moment with it today and so should you.
Tuesday, 31 August 2010
Mosque at Ground Zero
Actually, by "at" I should say "near". And by "near" I of course mean 2 blocks away. And let's not forget that there is already a mosque closer to ground zero than this proposed one.
This is the biggest non issue ever, and anyone who is offended by it should take a really good look at why they're offended. Mosques are not the international symbol for terrorism. 1.5 billion muslims did not crash the planes into the towers. America should not show intolerance by allowing every other religion to build their worship site in the area except one specific religion, because of something a terrorist group did in the name of it.
And also, am I really insensitive for saying that 9/11 was almost 9 years ago now? People are letting it fuck things up much more than it should have with protests like this.
This is the biggest non issue ever, and anyone who is offended by it should take a really good look at why they're offended. Mosques are not the international symbol for terrorism. 1.5 billion muslims did not crash the planes into the towers. America should not show intolerance by allowing every other religion to build their worship site in the area except one specific religion, because of something a terrorist group did in the name of it.
And also, am I really insensitive for saying that 9/11 was almost 9 years ago now? People are letting it fuck things up much more than it should have with protests like this.
Friday, 20 August 2010
Limits in Comedy
This might be an opinion that's controversial (not that this blog really has the potential to be seen as controversial) but I really don't think there should be any limits to comedy. Too many times I see people say "some things shouldn't be joked about", but I really don't see this as the case. I can't think of anything that simply shouldn't be mentioned in a joke, or where context or something else can't negate the fact that it's distasteful, or something. Sometimes I've just been flat out crushed by something (emotionally, I'm not actually dead) and then soon after, I see a joke about it that makes me laugh a whole lot.
But I think it should be understood that: I'm not arguing that it's impossible for jokes to be in bad taste or unreasonably offensive, not in the slightest. I'm just arguing that I don't think there should ever be a subject matter that is immune from being joked about. I think comedy being censored is one of my least favourite things, is all I'm saying.
In other news, I'm getting minor spam on a particular blog entry from 2008 called "Laughing when you Shouldn't", which is just a link to a video of this guy inappropriately laughing on this show (but it's all staged). I wonder why this is happening on that particular entry; if it's because it comes up in a particular Google search or anything.
Perhaps it is a mystery best left unsolved.
But I think it should be understood that: I'm not arguing that it's impossible for jokes to be in bad taste or unreasonably offensive, not in the slightest. I'm just arguing that I don't think there should ever be a subject matter that is immune from being joked about. I think comedy being censored is one of my least favourite things, is all I'm saying.
In other news, I'm getting minor spam on a particular blog entry from 2008 called "Laughing when you Shouldn't", which is just a link to a video of this guy inappropriately laughing on this show (but it's all staged). I wonder why this is happening on that particular entry; if it's because it comes up in a particular Google search or anything.
Perhaps it is a mystery best left unsolved.
Thursday, 19 August 2010
DDDDDDDDD
So I got the best possible grades for both my courses at college (distinctions all round). This makes me rather pleased. However, there's something about Btecs that takes the "fun" out of grades. You pretty much know exactly what you're going to get from a mile a way (that is, if you choose to check what marks you're actually getting and adding them up). And it's not a "try and succeed or fail" policy a lot of the time, it's "try and succeed, or try and fail but keep trying until you get a better grade" though admittedly I didn't retake anything. I'm happy though, I guess. I think it's the fact that I wasn't really stressing over anything (read: at all) that makes lessens the impact of good news, y'know?
I've been opening up quite a lot recently. I let other people read things that I thought I'd never let anyone else read, and it feels really good. And friends have been telling information that seems to come from deep, secret places. I feel closer to them now more than ever. It's as if all barriers have been broken.
I've also been lead to wonder what it is about human nature and keeping secrets that are, if looked at from a distance, really NOT a big deal. I wonder if it's a biological thing or a social construct. I can't think of a biological need for shyness; maybe to just stop one putting off people through annoying behaviours or something? I don't know. Note to research later (by research I mean google), do any animals experience shyness and embarrassment besides humans?
Inception was really great.
I've been opening up quite a lot recently. I let other people read things that I thought I'd never let anyone else read, and it feels really good. And friends have been telling information that seems to come from deep, secret places. I feel closer to them now more than ever. It's as if all barriers have been broken.
I've also been lead to wonder what it is about human nature and keeping secrets that are, if looked at from a distance, really NOT a big deal. I wonder if it's a biological thing or a social construct. I can't think of a biological need for shyness; maybe to just stop one putting off people through annoying behaviours or something? I don't know. Note to research later (by research I mean google), do any animals experience shyness and embarrassment besides humans?
Inception was really great.
Friday, 6 August 2010
Galaxy-G-I
This picture, to me, looks like some weird early CGI magical mountain that would've been in a cut scene in one of the PlayStation 1 Final Fantasy games. And yet this is a picture from space! It's funny what computer generated animation has done to my mind. Too often I'll look at an image that is a photo and think in my mind "this looks like CGI". I wonder if that's because graphics are getting closer to reality or because my mind is dumb. Not sure exactly why I say my mind is dumb, rather than just "I'm dumb". I think it's because of the implications, like saying your mind is something rather than yourself implies that you're talking about your subconscious or whatever.
Recently I've been thinking about what the most fulfilling thing is possible to happen in my life. Once I fulfil my dreams I'll just have more dreams to fulfil. I wonder what kind of life style, wealth, situation etc would be the one that makes optimum happiness. Well the answer to that would be in a machine that constantly stimulates the happiness part of my brain, but that's not one I mean, all of you assholes. I always seem to stay on the same level of happiness throughout my life. Actually, that's not true. I was definitely happier when I was 10 years old and all that, and I've actually noticed that my happiness goes in cycles:
September/October I'm usually uncomfortable and generally unhappy, but I get happy and optimistic about something by November, and then by around April I realise that it's not going to happen, and I turn kind of mellow until June, in which I don't really mind anything because I can relax. Sometimes the realisation and mellowing out actually happens much later.
That's pretty much it. I think it's due a lot, in part, to the school cycle. I'm not sure what it's like in the rest of the world (I think school years in Australia start when the year starts, generally), but that's kinda the school start and end cycle over here. But now that I won't be having any kind of education for at least a year, I wonder if my emotional cycle will stay as consistent as it always is. Lol, emotional cycle. My life is one giant period or something.
Sunday, 1 August 2010
Films
Hey, I'm still here and all that. Pretty much just been working on my cartoon or lazing around recently. Strangely I haven't really had a desire to play/write music at all as of late. What I have had the desire to do though, is watch some films! Apologies to people at the Projectorheads forums, because I have posted all of these there already. Spoilers beware, you're in for a...few of them:
Horseo (Actual title: Ponyo) (The guy who made Spirited Away, 2008): Very, very adorable movie, and one that I can easily admire for its practices used in making it alone. The predominantly coloured pencil backgrounds instead of the traditional gouache paint created a wonderful child like atmosphere around the whole thing, and I often found myself just focussed. I didn't feel as much of a "this is entirely gorgeous" vibe when watching Spirited Away, and I'm not sure why that is since it was a lot more detailed. Maybe it's the fact that I watched Ponyo on a computer with a very high definition copy, rather than a dvd on a small tv but yeah. The whole sequence with the waves chasing after the car while Ponyo is running on top of them was pretty amazing.
However, I gotta say I didn't like this nearly as much as Spirited Away. It's very adorable and pretty, but definitely overly simple in its premise. That's not necessarily a problem I suppose, it's just that compared to Spirited Away, this felt like a movie targeted directly at children. None of the characters were really very interesting besides Ponyo (though the designs for a lot of them were very good), and some parts I just didn't understand, like... the moon is falling because Ponyo is becoming human? I felt like this is just something to make the movie feel more urgent, like there's some kind of danger (which it failed at, and didn't need to try to do either). And I also wasn't quite sure if the sea was rising a lot because of the magic potion thing or because the moon was out of orbit.
But when watching the movie, it's hard to convince yourself these things matter much. It makes you feel warm inside, it's very pretty, and it's a good film.
8.5/10
The Dad's name Tenebaums (Actual title: The Royal Tenenbaums) (Tom Bown (actual director: Wes Anderson, 2001):
I found this to be a very funny movie. I love how Royal can be so clueless about him saying stuff that is so obviously offensive to people, but yet dead on about other stuff that no one is even aware of (Margot having an affair with Eli). think most of my enjoyment of the film can be chalked up to this character, such as the hilarious scene in which he tells his wife he's dying, then he's not dying, and then that he's dying when he sees how mad she gets. I seem to love characters that aren't really "bad", but that everyone hates for being an asshole. The attempted suicide scene was really great because it used Elliott Smith and he's dead! Also Dudley reminds me of Solomon from Gummo. I'm not sure what else to say about this film, since it's not as fresh in my mind as the others...
But fuck everyone for just not giving a shit when the dog gets killed. The kids don't even shed a tear, and get given a new dog and suddenly everything is 100% fine magical ok. God damn it. They took that dog everywhere with them and they don't give a shit. What bastard kids. I wish the car had killed them, cos then maybe the dog would be upset and prove that it's better than them.
8.5/10
DULLholland doctor (Gordon Cole (actual director: David Lynch), 2001): I enjoyed this. It started to kinda drag on after a while until the last 40 minutes or so, which was very interesting and you could tell it came from an entirely different place than the first 2/3rds of the film. I think the film kinda suffered from being originally filmed as a pilot though, because while I just praised the last part of the film for shaking things up and being interesting, I don't think he would've originally wanted it presented like that, and would have probably taken some time to explain things further. Characters and other elements are involved, make you interested, and then are never brought up again or explained, probably because it was planned to go on a lot longer. I guess I don't exactly like having to look up "theories" on films to make sense of them, but maybe that's just me being a fuckin' moron!
It's made me wanna see even more Lynch though...but I hope me starting with his best work (in the eyes of Liam at least), Twin Peaks, hasn't made everything else seem worse in comparison.
8/10
Horseo (Actual title: Ponyo) (The guy who made Spirited Away, 2008): Very, very adorable movie, and one that I can easily admire for its practices used in making it alone. The predominantly coloured pencil backgrounds instead of the traditional gouache paint created a wonderful child like atmosphere around the whole thing, and I often found myself just focussed. I didn't feel as much of a "this is entirely gorgeous" vibe when watching Spirited Away, and I'm not sure why that is since it was a lot more detailed. Maybe it's the fact that I watched Ponyo on a computer with a very high definition copy, rather than a dvd on a small tv but yeah. The whole sequence with the waves chasing after the car while Ponyo is running on top of them was pretty amazing.
However, I gotta say I didn't like this nearly as much as Spirited Away. It's very adorable and pretty, but definitely overly simple in its premise. That's not necessarily a problem I suppose, it's just that compared to Spirited Away, this felt like a movie targeted directly at children. None of the characters were really very interesting besides Ponyo (though the designs for a lot of them were very good), and some parts I just didn't understand, like... the moon is falling because Ponyo is becoming human? I felt like this is just something to make the movie feel more urgent, like there's some kind of danger (which it failed at, and didn't need to try to do either). And I also wasn't quite sure if the sea was rising a lot because of the magic potion thing or because the moon was out of orbit.
But when watching the movie, it's hard to convince yourself these things matter much. It makes you feel warm inside, it's very pretty, and it's a good film.
8.5/10
The Dad's name Tenebaums (Actual title: The Royal Tenenbaums) (Tom Bown (actual director: Wes Anderson, 2001):
I found this to be a very funny movie. I love how Royal can be so clueless about him saying stuff that is so obviously offensive to people, but yet dead on about other stuff that no one is even aware of (Margot having an affair with Eli). think most of my enjoyment of the film can be chalked up to this character, such as the hilarious scene in which he tells his wife he's dying, then he's not dying, and then that he's dying when he sees how mad she gets. I seem to love characters that aren't really "bad", but that everyone hates for being an asshole. The attempted suicide scene was really great because it used Elliott Smith and he's dead! Also Dudley reminds me of Solomon from Gummo. I'm not sure what else to say about this film, since it's not as fresh in my mind as the others...
But fuck everyone for just not giving a shit when the dog gets killed. The kids don't even shed a tear, and get given a new dog and suddenly everything is 100% fine magical ok. God damn it. They took that dog everywhere with them and they don't give a shit. What bastard kids. I wish the car had killed them, cos then maybe the dog would be upset and prove that it's better than them.
8.5/10
DULLholland doctor (Gordon Cole (actual director: David Lynch), 2001): I enjoyed this. It started to kinda drag on after a while until the last 40 minutes or so, which was very interesting and you could tell it came from an entirely different place than the first 2/3rds of the film. I think the film kinda suffered from being originally filmed as a pilot though, because while I just praised the last part of the film for shaking things up and being interesting, I don't think he would've originally wanted it presented like that, and would have probably taken some time to explain things further. Characters and other elements are involved, make you interested, and then are never brought up again or explained, probably because it was planned to go on a lot longer. I guess I don't exactly like having to look up "theories" on films to make sense of them, but maybe that's just me being a fuckin' moron!
It's made me wanna see even more Lynch though...but I hope me starting with his best work (in the eyes of Liam at least), Twin Peaks, hasn't made everything else seem worse in comparison.
8/10
Lesbian Human Sexers (actual title: Fucking Åmål) (Mad Eye Moodysson, yes this is the best I could do 
(actual director: Lukas Moodysson , 1998 )
First off, I want to say that I'm very amazed at Alexandra Dahlström for a number of reasons. First of all, how she was actually 14 at the time of recording is shocking for how good she is an actress. I found it so weird how I as I am now am 4 years older than when she was in this film. What have I been doing with my life? Secondly: she's really hot! I need to see other films that involve her being legal age so I can remove my creep status while holding the same opinion.
But yeah, this movie was really really great. It's the kind of movie that I wish I could just instantly play to the occasional homophobic bastards I argue with on the internet. I think what really made this effective is how young the 2 girls are. There's an innocence to it; it's not seedy, nothing sexual really happens, which makes its value much stronger and effective. But it's also really hilarious at the same time as its touching. Elin and Agnes walking hand in hand together, after the perfect toilet scene, to then say "we're going to fuck now" or whatever it is. And then the scene with the chocolate milk at the end. I often overtalk things when I like girls too!
Also gotta love it when Elin just says to Markus "You're a fucking idiot". I think this is a very good film for youngish teenagers to see to make sure they don't grow up to be bastards.
9.5/10
(actual director: Lukas Moodysson , 1998 )First off, I want to say that I'm very amazed at Alexandra Dahlström for a number of reasons. First of all, how she was actually 14 at the time of recording is shocking for how good she is an actress. I found it so weird how I as I am now am 4 years older than when she was in this film. What have I been doing with my life? Secondly: she's really hot! I need to see other films that involve her being legal age so I can remove my creep status while holding the same opinion.
But yeah, this movie was really really great. It's the kind of movie that I wish I could just instantly play to the occasional homophobic bastards I argue with on the internet. I think what really made this effective is how young the 2 girls are. There's an innocence to it; it's not seedy, nothing sexual really happens, which makes its value much stronger and effective. But it's also really hilarious at the same time as its touching. Elin and Agnes walking hand in hand together, after the perfect toilet scene, to then say "we're going to fuck now" or whatever it is. And then the scene with the chocolate milk at the end. I often overtalk things when I like girls too!
Also gotta love it when Elin just says to Markus "You're a fucking idiot". I think this is a very good film for youngish teenagers to see to make sure they don't grow up to be bastards.
9.5/10
Monday, 26 July 2010
Late Night Experiment
Backstory: It's 3:40am, and I am very, very tired. For the past week, I've been going to bed at 11pm, completely and utterly exhausted (my body clock is in a weird, unique phase of early waking and relatively early sleeping) and I wanna write. I'm just gonna type shit and then see if I'll post it.
Ok back story out of the way. COMMENCE TYPING *waits for it*
NOW
Ok man, all I can immediately think to talk about is music, blogging, and being really tired. What the hell is wrong with me, fuck that shit. I've talked about those subjects into the ground. I've done it so much that I've even talked about talking them into the ground into the ground. Read that again if it doesn't make sense to you *just dazzled you with my shit fuck, this is boring as hell*
argh man. Tiredness is never interesting. Even when I purposely gave myself no limits in what to say I just say the same old shit. I'm hard wired. I need to get into the habit of writing about other things, like maybe give myself subjects to talk about or ask people what they wanna see me write about or something, I dunno.
This experiment was a failure but I got some insight.
Ok back story out of the way. COMMENCE TYPING *waits for it*
NOW
Ok man, all I can immediately think to talk about is music, blogging, and being really tired. What the hell is wrong with me, fuck that shit. I've talked about those subjects into the ground. I've done it so much that I've even talked about talking them into the ground into the ground. Read that again if it doesn't make sense to you *just dazzled you with my shit fuck, this is boring as hell*
argh man. Tiredness is never interesting. Even when I purposely gave myself no limits in what to say I just say the same old shit. I'm hard wired. I need to get into the habit of writing about other things, like maybe give myself subjects to talk about or ask people what they wanna see me write about or something, I dunno.
This experiment was a failure but I got some insight.
Thursday, 15 July 2010
I wrote a post a while ago
Where I was upset about something, that still upsets me but not in a personal way. I can't really explain because y'know, annoying and uninteresting vagueness which is a certain barrier on this. It'd certainly be a lot more frequent if no one else could read it at the very least, because I'd have a lot more to say. But yes, following on from that blog I decided to not advertise this anymore in my msn name or on Facebook, or anywhere else (though I don't think I ever did advertise this anywhere else except when MySpace was actually used by people)*. But where's the fun in that? Ok, there's none, but there's no fun in emitting an audience either.
The bottom line is, without kidding myself: I want people to read this. I want people I don't speak to or know that well (or at all) to read this more than I want my closest friends to read it. I'd love it to be this just, complete open medium that people can use to know certain things about me. I'd love for this to be something that I can use to express what I often fail to do in real life, either out of awkward cowardice or the time never arriving at the right moment. So starving this off being read by other people isn't something I want. But I will always be embarrassed of what I write here. Not because of the content, but just the fact that I'm even doing it. It paints a weird picture. There's nothing wrong with it...I can't explain this very well at all.
I think uh, something along what I'm trying to say too is: there lies the problem with giving secrets. You can never ask for them back.
So in short, I'm gonna link when I want, and not link when I want, and not make such a big deal out of this. It's funny how I say "in short", as if what I just wrote previously is anything like I just said. Oh well. 2 blogs in one day! Sadly, one of them is about blogging itself, therefore being uninteresting.
*Reading this paragraph over makes me feel a horrid shame at how social networking is so ingrained in my life. Or maybe that's not true, and it's the only proper way I can advertise this because no one else will ever care?
The bottom line is, without kidding myself: I want people to read this. I want people I don't speak to or know that well (or at all) to read this more than I want my closest friends to read it. I'd love it to be this just, complete open medium that people can use to know certain things about me. I'd love for this to be something that I can use to express what I often fail to do in real life, either out of awkward cowardice or the time never arriving at the right moment. So starving this off being read by other people isn't something I want. But I will always be embarrassed of what I write here. Not because of the content, but just the fact that I'm even doing it. It paints a weird picture. There's nothing wrong with it...I can't explain this very well at all.
I think uh, something along what I'm trying to say too is: there lies the problem with giving secrets. You can never ask for them back.
So in short, I'm gonna link when I want, and not link when I want, and not make such a big deal out of this. It's funny how I say "in short", as if what I just wrote previously is anything like I just said. Oh well. 2 blogs in one day! Sadly, one of them is about blogging itself, therefore being uninteresting.
*Reading this paragraph over makes me feel a horrid shame at how social networking is so ingrained in my life. Or maybe that's not true, and it's the only proper way I can advertise this because no one else will ever care?
Power of Persuasion
I wonder if there are the perfect words for any situation. I wonder if each person can be persuaded by something with the right words, or if there is a limit to what you can do. I wonder if even the most atheistic person could be converted to being religious with just words, and vice versa. But not just beliefs. Can someone who hates a certain movie with a passion, be convinced that the movie is actually great by words alone? I mean specifically words and things you can say, just so that's clear.
Of course, the answer to all of these is yes: it does happen. But what I want to know is if it could happen to everyone. Or does the human brain eventually get to a point where it just can't be convinced? Where no possible reason (or trickery, I guess!) can persuade them otherwise of what they think? Do human minds start open and eventually lock over time?
It'd be an interesting power to have, the power to have perfect persuasion, just to see who you could change and who you couldn't because of the impossibility factor that they are hard wired.
Not really sure what this is about. I found it written in a word document from a few months ago, but I guess it's slightly almost interesting! I also want to get some blogs out of the way so I can get to number 100, a special blog I have planned.
Of course, the answer to all of these is yes: it does happen. But what I want to know is if it could happen to everyone. Or does the human brain eventually get to a point where it just can't be convinced? Where no possible reason (or trickery, I guess!) can persuade them otherwise of what they think? Do human minds start open and eventually lock over time?
It'd be an interesting power to have, the power to have perfect persuasion, just to see who you could change and who you couldn't because of the impossibility factor that they are hard wired.
Not really sure what this is about. I found it written in a word document from a few months ago, but I guess it's slightly almost interesting! I also want to get some blogs out of the way so I can get to number 100, a special blog I have planned.
Monday, 12 July 2010
Homes in the stars
It's something we've all thought about; that the Earth is just, as Carl Sagan put it, a "pale blue dot" in the eternal vastness of the universe. And I think I wrote a blog about eventually everything will end, including our memories and documentation because eventually the sun will explode, and destroy the Earth, etc etc. But looking back, I think I made a very weird assumption; that we'd never leave our planet to inhabit other areas of space.
Can you imagine what that'll mean when this happens? It'll pretty much change what it means to be a life form. The fact that overtime, a species has learned not only how to leave their planet, but to cultivate something else into a new one. There'll probably end up being limitless possibilities to where we can go. I don't know why I didn't really think about that before.
It's weird to think of our personal selves and our opinions, and what they will mean to people in the distant future; how eventually we might just be something to be observed with interest but no emotional attachments. How eventually we will be grouped as an "era" no different to the ones we look back on. We differentiate so much between the different decades of the previous century, but soon that'll all be in a big melting pot. But what I hadn't really thought of before was if there will eventually just be a whole era of human existence known as the "Earth" era, as known from our very distant descendants as we leave this planet. For some reason that evokes a lot of contradictory feelings. The sort of weird loneliness that what we find important may not be important one day, but yet a feeling of warmth that we are probably part of the society that will begin cultivating outside of this planet, and to top it off, a sense of envy for the future humans that will have freed itself from being dependent from 1 home.
Speaking of envy, I really do wish I could go into space and see the Earth from there. I think it must evoke some kind of calm epiphany of what's really important, and how trivial a lot of our worries really are. I really think that doing so could be beneficial for a lot of people, almost feeling a massive spiritual connection to where you are and how beautiful it is.
On another note, I've started watching Twin Peaks again. It's really great (or damn fine lol!!!!).
Can you imagine what that'll mean when this happens? It'll pretty much change what it means to be a life form. The fact that overtime, a species has learned not only how to leave their planet, but to cultivate something else into a new one. There'll probably end up being limitless possibilities to where we can go. I don't know why I didn't really think about that before.
It's weird to think of our personal selves and our opinions, and what they will mean to people in the distant future; how eventually we might just be something to be observed with interest but no emotional attachments. How eventually we will be grouped as an "era" no different to the ones we look back on. We differentiate so much between the different decades of the previous century, but soon that'll all be in a big melting pot. But what I hadn't really thought of before was if there will eventually just be a whole era of human existence known as the "Earth" era, as known from our very distant descendants as we leave this planet. For some reason that evokes a lot of contradictory feelings. The sort of weird loneliness that what we find important may not be important one day, but yet a feeling of warmth that we are probably part of the society that will begin cultivating outside of this planet, and to top it off, a sense of envy for the future humans that will have freed itself from being dependent from 1 home.
Speaking of envy, I really do wish I could go into space and see the Earth from there. I think it must evoke some kind of calm epiphany of what's really important, and how trivial a lot of our worries really are. I really think that doing so could be beneficial for a lot of people, almost feeling a massive spiritual connection to where you are and how beautiful it is.
On another note, I've started watching Twin Peaks again. It's really great (or damn fine lol!!!!).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
