I have been wanting to make an album (or EP if I don't make enough stuff) this year, and am basically in the writing process. I'm kind of...half suffering writer's block, and half not. I have been having many ideas in my mind of the musical direction, structure of the record, the kind of songs and styles that would go together. But the actual y'know, writing, has been slow. I'm also not entirely sure whether to make it too much of a mish mash, even though it probably wouldn't end up like that unless I really was ambitious. But so far I plan for this to have a largely minimilist electronic sort of sound (think James Blake) with shoegaze guitars. That was my main thing I wanted to combine, aswell as writing instrumental piano pieces and even some classical guitar songs (very much inspired by Sun Kil Moon's latest album, which is beautiful).
The main problem I think I'm having, is that I am finding success writing the acoustic guitar based tracks, because it is a familiar outlet for me. But the main focus of what I wanted the album to be (the electronics + shoegaze mix) I am not really getting places as fast as I should. It's because it's all new to me, so that's fine, or would be if I didn't feel I have to get this done by September (university starts then) or just not get it done at all. It's quite tough, but I mean, recording music by yourself is never easy. I have only recorded 3 songs that I would call decent (and even then I'm not hugely proud of them) and now I'm expecting myself to write an album's worth?
Is this the problem? Should I take a less structured approach and just focus on the songs themselves, and just enjoy the experimentation and song writing without worrying about the amount produced? I'd answer yes, if I didn't feel I won't have an opportunity like this for a long time, maybe even ever again.
Monday, 14 March 2011
Wednesday, 2 March 2011
2011
Hey, it's 2011 now. Has been for like 2 months, but I'm just mentioning this while looking at the date of my last blog. I don't know why I don't write as much, but it undoubtedly has something to do with the fact that I am often inspired to write while feeling low, and I've been in that weird limbo period between feeling low and feeling happy for a good while now. I think it's what most people feel like most of the time. It's that weird place of just being content, which means I am not sad or excited enough to want to create anything, which is bad for me. I guess it's mostly a good thing, but I kind of regret not documenting things. I pretty much haven't touched my diary since July, and when I did, it was pathetic. I tried on 3 different days to finish 1 entry, and got about 50 words done. So yeah, should probably start that up again.
Decided I am going to go to university next year, so I applied to do animation and have interviews for everywhere I applied, though some I am not going to go because I've already gotten into one of my top choices (they accepted day after interview which was nice). Not sure if this is interesting to anyone. I've voiced disappointment in the way my life is going in the past, the fact that I don't feel there is any university course that is worth persuing to do what I really want to do in life (even that is vague and uncertain, I just want to live off art of my own in any medium), but I think this is definitely for the best. Because it will be fun. It's a nice form of independence where you have semi long periods of living away from home, before going back there and alternating between the two and getting the best of both worlds.
This sure is a piece of shit blog. I can't write in this thing without feeling it's being read by people who I don't want to read it anymore. I don't know why that is. Looking back on old entries, I used to be stupidly honest. It's actually quite surprising how I would just write as if there wasn't a possibility of people reading it, but it's so much easier that way. You don't have to read over and say "I should include that". You just do. I need to start doing that again, but not here.
It seems that even though it's been a few months, I still don't know what to say. I guess my life isn't changing enough to make interesting words. Oh! I met Bown and Bibilo. That was a big thing for me, because I got to see that text on a screen actually exists IRL! I am wording that stupidly on purpose. But yeah, I never really liked writing what I do on this blog, rather than what I think, and I don't think I've changed much in that regard.
I plan to go into more detail of these in a separate blog soon (I guess a summary of 2010), but for now, here's 2 small lists:
Top Albums of 2010 (no order):
Janelle Monáe - The Arch Android
Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti - Before Today
Charlotte Gainsbourg - IRM
Arcade Fire - The Suburbs
Sleigh Bells - Treats
If I had to pick it would be The Arch Android for my favourite.
Still haven't checked out the latest Sun Kil Moon album though.
Albums I am liking so far of 2011 (no order):
Radiohead - The King of Limbs
James Blake - James Blake
Yuck - Yuck
If I had to pick...nah, too early to tell. All English albums so far!
Decided I am going to go to university next year, so I applied to do animation and have interviews for everywhere I applied, though some I am not going to go because I've already gotten into one of my top choices (they accepted day after interview which was nice). Not sure if this is interesting to anyone. I've voiced disappointment in the way my life is going in the past, the fact that I don't feel there is any university course that is worth persuing to do what I really want to do in life (even that is vague and uncertain, I just want to live off art of my own in any medium), but I think this is definitely for the best. Because it will be fun. It's a nice form of independence where you have semi long periods of living away from home, before going back there and alternating between the two and getting the best of both worlds.
This sure is a piece of shit blog. I can't write in this thing without feeling it's being read by people who I don't want to read it anymore. I don't know why that is. Looking back on old entries, I used to be stupidly honest. It's actually quite surprising how I would just write as if there wasn't a possibility of people reading it, but it's so much easier that way. You don't have to read over and say "I should include that". You just do. I need to start doing that again, but not here.
It seems that even though it's been a few months, I still don't know what to say. I guess my life isn't changing enough to make interesting words. Oh! I met Bown and Bibilo. That was a big thing for me, because I got to see that text on a screen actually exists IRL! I am wording that stupidly on purpose. But yeah, I never really liked writing what I do on this blog, rather than what I think, and I don't think I've changed much in that regard.
I plan to go into more detail of these in a separate blog soon (I guess a summary of 2010), but for now, here's 2 small lists:
Top Albums of 2010 (no order):
Janelle Monáe - The Arch Android
Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti - Before Today
Charlotte Gainsbourg - IRM
Arcade Fire - The Suburbs
Sleigh Bells - Treats
If I had to pick it would be The Arch Android for my favourite.
Still haven't checked out the latest Sun Kil Moon album though.
Albums I am liking so far of 2011 (no order):
Radiohead - The King of Limbs
James Blake - James Blake
Yuck - Yuck
If I had to pick...nah, too early to tell. All English albums so far!
Tuesday, 21 December 2010
Saturday, 23 October 2010
Tumblr, it's not your fault. It's who you hang around with.
STUFF ABOUT ME BEING ILL + MUSIC
My stomach hurts too much to eat so I'm looking up various foods on wikipedia. It's really not a very good idea but then again, what is? Maybe not doing it. Ok, you have made your point, SHUT UP. I've also gotten myself into a weird point where I'm so tired, but my stomach hurts so much that I won't be able to sleep. And I can't really draw anything right now either, but I need to keep occupied. Almost all my music is giving me a headache and making me feel ill. I knew I should have gotten more emergency music that is slow and droney as hell, with no percussion or vocals.
But as it stands I currently don't really have any of that; I've got a new laptop recently, and only copied some essential stuff over as of now, though I did a piss poor job of that because I somehow managed to only copy over 3 Red House Painters songs (and they're my favourite band). I'm finding myself listening to The Beach Boy's "Don't Talk (Put Your Head on My Shoulder)" on repeat now. It's really hypnotic and drifty. I also had the probably controversial/wrong opinion as of late that "Pet Sounds" is a better album than any Beatles album, with the possible exception of The White Album. But it's just so enjoyable, and to think that it even came out before Sgt. Peppers is pretty impressive (yeah, I know that Peppers was directly influenced by it).
On the subject of music way before my time, I've realised I have really hardly explored the 70s at all. I mean what - Neil Young, Nick Drake, Serge Gainsbourg, Queen. Is that it? I should sort myself out. I also feel that I should apologise to the 80s, cos Anthony made me aware that I kind of slagged it off when I was 15, but really. You brought us The Cure, The Smiths, Michael Jackson's best album (Thriller for those of you who aren't kidding yourselves), My Bloody Valentine's fantastic debut album, and y'know, lots more stuff. So kudos! I think my major gripe is that I think the 80s was kind of the point where mainstream music really started to go down hill, but you should judge a period of time by what it produced, not what became popular.
THE TUMBLR SECTION
I'm gonna talk about blogging for a while, though I'm a bit late on talking about what I'm about to talk about. I have pretty much been (semi) regularly blogging since 2006, and it's always been a weird nerdy fringe thing. Like the "You should check out my blog! I've got some opinions there! Heh!" stereotype. Then semi-recently, the tumblr craze started to kick in, and I was honestly excited. Maybe I'd get the chance to read people's thoughts on things, get some kind of better understanding of the people I know but don't really associate with.
Turns out it's just an excuse to post pictures you've seen somewhere else.
I mean, seriously? Is this what people choose to do? Fucking christ. Why is it that when the the "majority" (best word I could have used to not make me look like an elitist shit, guess I failed there) get a hand on something, their first port of call is to be like everyone else? I think the fact there's even a "re-blogging" option is just such a horrible, mind bogglingly stupid tool, saying "come on, don't put any effort it. Just click this button and your tumblr will be as cool as ours!". But then I can't really fault tumblr for that. Its tools given are those that can be created for good, but people use them for evil (ie: stupidly reblogging everyone's blogs that are just a cool black and white picture of someone smoking a cigarette or something).
I think tumblr has Little Big Planet syndrome. For those of you who don't know, Little Big Planet is a videogame that has a very in depth level creator, with the major purpose of the game being creating and sharing levels on a world wide platform via uploading them. The problem with this that it only really works that well as a mechanic if the majority of the audience are artistic creative wonders who don't just remake levels of old games and create cars that go really fast and crash into walls (and one thing it really has in common with Tumblr is that everyone copies levels and posts them again as if they're their own work). Or at the very least, make it easier for the generally good level designs to get a front page spot. What I'm saying is that the premise of tumblr/blogs in general is obviously great, but christ do people do stupid things instead.
I mean at the end of the day, none of this really matters. People can choose to make their blogs however they want/whatever they want them to be about. Quality isn't really what's bugging me. I'm not arguing that a certain style of blogging is best, and that everyone's blogs should strive to be verbose/wordy like mine or anything. I'm just saying that at the very fucking least don't create them by pressing a single button to copy someone else's.
My stomach hurts too much to eat so I'm looking up various foods on wikipedia. It's really not a very good idea but then again, what is? Maybe not doing it. Ok, you have made your point, SHUT UP. I've also gotten myself into a weird point where I'm so tired, but my stomach hurts so much that I won't be able to sleep. And I can't really draw anything right now either, but I need to keep occupied. Almost all my music is giving me a headache and making me feel ill. I knew I should have gotten more emergency music that is slow and droney as hell, with no percussion or vocals.
But as it stands I currently don't really have any of that; I've got a new laptop recently, and only copied some essential stuff over as of now, though I did a piss poor job of that because I somehow managed to only copy over 3 Red House Painters songs (and they're my favourite band). I'm finding myself listening to The Beach Boy's "Don't Talk (Put Your Head on My Shoulder)" on repeat now. It's really hypnotic and drifty. I also had the probably controversial/wrong opinion as of late that "Pet Sounds" is a better album than any Beatles album, with the possible exception of The White Album. But it's just so enjoyable, and to think that it even came out before Sgt. Peppers is pretty impressive (yeah, I know that Peppers was directly influenced by it).
On the subject of music way before my time, I've realised I have really hardly explored the 70s at all. I mean what - Neil Young, Nick Drake, Serge Gainsbourg, Queen. Is that it? I should sort myself out. I also feel that I should apologise to the 80s, cos Anthony made me aware that I kind of slagged it off when I was 15, but really. You brought us The Cure, The Smiths, Michael Jackson's best album (Thriller for those of you who aren't kidding yourselves), My Bloody Valentine's fantastic debut album, and y'know, lots more stuff. So kudos! I think my major gripe is that I think the 80s was kind of the point where mainstream music really started to go down hill, but you should judge a period of time by what it produced, not what became popular.
THE TUMBLR SECTION
I'm gonna talk about blogging for a while, though I'm a bit late on talking about what I'm about to talk about. I have pretty much been (semi) regularly blogging since 2006, and it's always been a weird nerdy fringe thing. Like the "You should check out my blog! I've got some opinions there! Heh!" stereotype. Then semi-recently, the tumblr craze started to kick in, and I was honestly excited. Maybe I'd get the chance to read people's thoughts on things, get some kind of better understanding of the people I know but don't really associate with.
Turns out it's just an excuse to post pictures you've seen somewhere else.
I mean, seriously? Is this what people choose to do? Fucking christ. Why is it that when the the "majority" (best word I could have used to not make me look like an elitist shit, guess I failed there) get a hand on something, their first port of call is to be like everyone else? I think the fact there's even a "re-blogging" option is just such a horrible, mind bogglingly stupid tool, saying "come on, don't put any effort it. Just click this button and your tumblr will be as cool as ours!". But then I can't really fault tumblr for that. Its tools given are those that can be created for good, but people use them for evil (ie: stupidly reblogging everyone's blogs that are just a cool black and white picture of someone smoking a cigarette or something).
I think tumblr has Little Big Planet syndrome. For those of you who don't know, Little Big Planet is a videogame that has a very in depth level creator, with the major purpose of the game being creating and sharing levels on a world wide platform via uploading them. The problem with this that it only really works that well as a mechanic if the majority of the audience are artistic creative wonders who don't just remake levels of old games and create cars that go really fast and crash into walls (and one thing it really has in common with Tumblr is that everyone copies levels and posts them again as if they're their own work). Or at the very least, make it easier for the generally good level designs to get a front page spot. What I'm saying is that the premise of tumblr/blogs in general is obviously great, but christ do people do stupid things instead.
I mean at the end of the day, none of this really matters. People can choose to make their blogs however they want/whatever they want them to be about. Quality isn't really what's bugging me. I'm not arguing that a certain style of blogging is best, and that everyone's blogs should strive to be verbose/wordy like mine or anything. I'm just saying that at the very fucking least don't create them by pressing a single button to copy someone else's.
Monday, 18 October 2010
To Not Follow Your Passion
I'm not entirely sure who reads this without me showing them, but whoever that may be, sorry for not writing in this. I think everything is just a bit slowed down, really. None of the bloggers I follow have written any blogs for a long time either (actually Sykes did kinda recently), so maybe it's a peer thing. I have nothing to write about because for a good while my life hasn't had any significant changes, and I'm amazed it's been so long. The days are all one big blur, because I don't do much. I don't actually mind it like this though, which is probably worrying.
But anyway, today I tried applying for a temp job for a nightshift in HMV in Kingston. Thought I'd apply for the nighshift because my body clock is usually naturally fucked (I am writing this at 4am) and I wouldn't have to deal with lots of/any customers most of the time. Which was why I was a tad annoyed that the form said that previous customer experience was essential. It seemed like previously having a job is a prerequisite to getting a job (I have never had a job before), which is frustrating. I'm sure I just need to look further than 1 online application, but still. My hours would be from 9:30pm to 6am. I'd mostly be restocking. If I need past experience for this, what else can I do?
Creatively, I have been actively working towards something that I think will get me some internet exposure. I posted a link to "The City" before, but I have cleaned it up a bit and added about a minute and half of footage, I think. I plan to try and get it sponsored by Newgrounds or another sponsor (maybe flashportal or someone else), and depending on if it does, decide what to do next. If it doesn't get sponsored, I think I might just forget about animating anything for a while. It's not really much of a passion. To explain why I do it might take a bit of a while.
Basically, drawing has always been my biggest talent, or at least it is the one I have explored properly and been the most public about. But a single picture or image can never make such a big impact, at least I would not be able to make such a big impact in this way. I have a love for story telling, characterisation, etc etc. Thus the best I can really do with combining both of these things is animation. It is basically a version of film that I would be competent at, and have no real visual ristrictions, yet be completely individual. I'm not sure what it is with me and creating alone. For some reason I don't ever feel confident with speaking for my creations with any other method besides letting them speak for themselves. I feel uncomfortable explaining the intentions and the story behind something. Back when I was 13 and making movies in 3d Movie Maker and creating threads to hype them up on forums, I would always say the story was "a secret". Possibly because often that aspect is pretty weak with me without the style and way it is told to back it up. Working with other people would mean I couldn't explain my intentions with a finished product, because I'd need them to help with that said product.
But it's not really something I want to do because animation itself is perhaps the most boring and tedious thing in the world. I'm actually leaning towards doing animation in university, though I should hurry up and realise that it's a pointless venture for me. I like animation. I like films. I like stories. If I wanted to be a creative director of an animated movie, I would not need to be an animator, and the story telling aspect and having my own world visualised is the really appealing part. The only reason I make cartoons is because I like the end product, not the process. Having a career where I animate for someone else's creation and directive vision would be my nightmare; all process, none of the feeling of your creation jumping from your mind and into something others can see.
On the matter of university, I've decided that it is something I eventually want to do next year. Because I feel like I need to experience it. Thinking of something that would be worthwhile for me is another matter, and is the problem with creative things. I've gone back to what I was in 2008; I know what I want to become, but not what I want to persue. Knowing my dream and being unsure if I should follow it. It's weird how I'm backtracking. The more I look at what it would involve being a musician properly, the more I want to back away from it.
But how can I say I don't want to be a musician when people like Mark Kozelek exist, reminding me through his bands Red House Painters and Sun Kil Moon just how perfect it is as an individualist medium, and how if I could make just person feel what his music does to me, I would have succeeded at life. To not follow your biggest passion when you are only alive and here once for a very short time...I don't think I could ever rationalise it. I am not going to strive to settle.
But anyway, today I tried applying for a temp job for a nightshift in HMV in Kingston. Thought I'd apply for the nighshift because my body clock is usually naturally fucked (I am writing this at 4am) and I wouldn't have to deal with lots of/any customers most of the time. Which was why I was a tad annoyed that the form said that previous customer experience was essential. It seemed like previously having a job is a prerequisite to getting a job (I have never had a job before), which is frustrating. I'm sure I just need to look further than 1 online application, but still. My hours would be from 9:30pm to 6am. I'd mostly be restocking. If I need past experience for this, what else can I do?
Creatively, I have been actively working towards something that I think will get me some internet exposure. I posted a link to "The City" before, but I have cleaned it up a bit and added about a minute and half of footage, I think. I plan to try and get it sponsored by Newgrounds or another sponsor (maybe flashportal or someone else), and depending on if it does, decide what to do next. If it doesn't get sponsored, I think I might just forget about animating anything for a while. It's not really much of a passion. To explain why I do it might take a bit of a while.
Basically, drawing has always been my biggest talent, or at least it is the one I have explored properly and been the most public about. But a single picture or image can never make such a big impact, at least I would not be able to make such a big impact in this way. I have a love for story telling, characterisation, etc etc. Thus the best I can really do with combining both of these things is animation. It is basically a version of film that I would be competent at, and have no real visual ristrictions, yet be completely individual. I'm not sure what it is with me and creating alone. For some reason I don't ever feel confident with speaking for my creations with any other method besides letting them speak for themselves. I feel uncomfortable explaining the intentions and the story behind something. Back when I was 13 and making movies in 3d Movie Maker and creating threads to hype them up on forums, I would always say the story was "a secret". Possibly because often that aspect is pretty weak with me without the style and way it is told to back it up. Working with other people would mean I couldn't explain my intentions with a finished product, because I'd need them to help with that said product.
But it's not really something I want to do because animation itself is perhaps the most boring and tedious thing in the world. I'm actually leaning towards doing animation in university, though I should hurry up and realise that it's a pointless venture for me. I like animation. I like films. I like stories. If I wanted to be a creative director of an animated movie, I would not need to be an animator, and the story telling aspect and having my own world visualised is the really appealing part. The only reason I make cartoons is because I like the end product, not the process. Having a career where I animate for someone else's creation and directive vision would be my nightmare; all process, none of the feeling of your creation jumping from your mind and into something others can see.
On the matter of university, I've decided that it is something I eventually want to do next year. Because I feel like I need to experience it. Thinking of something that would be worthwhile for me is another matter, and is the problem with creative things. I've gone back to what I was in 2008; I know what I want to become, but not what I want to persue. Knowing my dream and being unsure if I should follow it. It's weird how I'm backtracking. The more I look at what it would involve being a musician properly, the more I want to back away from it.
But how can I say I don't want to be a musician when people like Mark Kozelek exist, reminding me through his bands Red House Painters and Sun Kil Moon just how perfect it is as an individualist medium, and how if I could make just person feel what his music does to me, I would have succeeded at life. To not follow your biggest passion when you are only alive and here once for a very short time...I don't think I could ever rationalise it. I am not going to strive to settle.
Saturday, 4 September 2010
This is where I live
And I've never felt less at home
Sorry for making a post that's just a link to a song, but I had a special moment with it today and so should you.
Sorry for making a post that's just a link to a song, but I had a special moment with it today and so should you.
Tuesday, 31 August 2010
Mosque at Ground Zero
Actually, by "at" I should say "near". And by "near" I of course mean 2 blocks away. And let's not forget that there is already a mosque closer to ground zero than this proposed one.
This is the biggest non issue ever, and anyone who is offended by it should take a really good look at why they're offended. Mosques are not the international symbol for terrorism. 1.5 billion muslims did not crash the planes into the towers. America should not show intolerance by allowing every other religion to build their worship site in the area except one specific religion, because of something a terrorist group did in the name of it.
And also, am I really insensitive for saying that 9/11 was almost 9 years ago now? People are letting it fuck things up much more than it should have with protests like this.
This is the biggest non issue ever, and anyone who is offended by it should take a really good look at why they're offended. Mosques are not the international symbol for terrorism. 1.5 billion muslims did not crash the planes into the towers. America should not show intolerance by allowing every other religion to build their worship site in the area except one specific religion, because of something a terrorist group did in the name of it.
And also, am I really insensitive for saying that 9/11 was almost 9 years ago now? People are letting it fuck things up much more than it should have with protests like this.
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