Saturday, 23 October 2010

Tumblr, it's not your fault. It's who you hang around with.


My stomach hurts too much to eat so I'm looking up various foods on wikipedia. It's really not a very good idea but then again, what is? Maybe not doing it. Ok, you have made your point, SHUT UP. I've also gotten myself into a weird point where I'm so tired, but my stomach hurts so much that I won't be able to sleep. And I can't really draw anything right now either, but I need to keep occupied. Almost all my music is giving me a headache and making me feel ill. I knew I should have gotten more emergency music that is slow and droney as hell, with no percussion or vocals.

But as it stands I currently don't really have any of that; I've got a new laptop recently, and only copied some essential stuff over as of now, though I did a piss poor job of that because I somehow managed to only copy over 3 Red House Painters songs (and they're my favourite band). I'm finding myself listening to The Beach Boy's "Don't Talk (Put Your Head on My Shoulder)" on repeat now. It's really hypnotic and drifty. I also had the probably controversial/wrong opinion as of late that "Pet Sounds" is a better album than any Beatles album, with the possible exception of The White Album. But it's just so enjoyable, and to think that it even came out before Sgt. Peppers is pretty impressive (yeah, I know that Peppers was directly influenced by it).

On the subject of music way before my time, I've realised I have really hardly explored the 70s at all. I mean what - Neil Young, Nick Drake, Serge Gainsbourg, Queen. Is that it? I should sort myself out. I also feel that I should apologise to the 80s, cos Anthony made me aware that I kind of slagged it off when I was 15, but really. You brought us The Cure, The Smiths, Michael Jackson's best album (Thriller for those of you who aren't kidding yourselves), My Bloody Valentine's fantastic debut album, and y'know, lots more stuff. So kudos! I think my major gripe is that I think the 80s was kind of the point where mainstream music really started to go down hill, but you should judge a period of time by what it produced, not what became popular.


I'm gonna talk about blogging for a while, though I'm a bit late on talking about what I'm about to talk about. I have pretty much been (semi) regularly blogging since 2006, and it's always been a weird nerdy fringe thing. Like the "You should check out my blog! I've got some opinions there! Heh!" stereotype. Then semi-recently, the tumblr craze started to kick in, and I was honestly excited. Maybe I'd get the chance to read people's thoughts on things, get some kind of better understanding of the people I know but don't really associate with.

Turns out it's just an excuse to post pictures you've seen somewhere else.

I mean, seriously? Is this what people choose to do? Fucking christ. Why is it that when the the "majority" (best word I could have used to not make me look like an elitist shit, guess I failed there) get a hand on something, their first port of call is to be like everyone else? I think the fact there's even a "re-blogging" option is just such a horrible, mind bogglingly stupid tool, saying "come on, don't put any effort it. Just click this button and your tumblr will be as cool as ours!". But then I can't really fault tumblr for that. Its tools given are those that can be created for good, but people use them for evil (ie: stupidly reblogging everyone's blogs that are just a cool black and white picture of someone smoking a cigarette or something).

I think tumblr has Little Big Planet syndrome. For those of you who don't know, Little Big Planet is a videogame that has a very in depth level creator, with the major purpose of the game being creating and sharing levels on a world wide platform via uploading them. The problem with this that it only really works that well as a mechanic if the majority of the audience are artistic creative wonders who don't just remake levels of old games and create cars that go really fast and crash into walls (and one thing it really has in common with Tumblr is that everyone copies levels and posts them again as if they're their own work). Or at the very least, make it easier for the generally good level designs to get a front page spot. What I'm saying is that the premise of tumblr/blogs in general is obviously great, but christ do people do stupid things instead.

I mean at the end of the day, none of this really matters. People can choose to make their blogs however they want/whatever they want them to be about. Quality isn't really what's bugging me. I'm not arguing that a certain style of blogging is best, and that everyone's blogs should strive to be verbose/wordy like mine or anything. I'm just saying that at the very fucking least don't create them by pressing a single button to copy someone else's.

Monday, 18 October 2010

To Not Follow Your Passion

I'm not entirely sure who reads this without me showing them, but whoever that may be, sorry for not writing in this. I think everything is just a bit slowed down, really. None of the bloggers I follow have written any blogs for a long time either (actually Sykes did kinda recently), so maybe it's a peer thing. I have nothing to write about because for a good while my life hasn't had any significant changes, and I'm amazed it's been so long. The days are all one big blur, because I don't do much. I don't actually mind it like this though, which is probably worrying.

But anyway, today I tried applying for a temp job for a nightshift in HMV in Kingston. Thought I'd apply for the nighshift because my body clock is usually naturally fucked (I am writing this at 4am) and I wouldn't have to deal with lots of/any customers most of the time. Which was why I was a tad annoyed that the form said that previous customer experience was essential. It seemed like previously having a job is a prerequisite to getting a job (I have never had a job before), which is frustrating. I'm sure I just need to look further than 1 online application, but still. My hours would be from 9:30pm to 6am. I'd mostly be restocking. If I need past experience for this, what else can I do?

Creatively, I have been actively working towards something that I think will get me some internet exposure. I posted a link to "The City" before, but I have cleaned it up a bit and added about a minute and half of footage, I think. I plan to try and get it sponsored by Newgrounds or another sponsor (maybe flashportal or someone else), and depending on if it does, decide what to do next. If it doesn't get sponsored, I think I might just forget about animating anything for a while. It's not really much of a passion. To explain why I do it might take a bit of a while.

Basically, drawing has always been my biggest talent, or at least it is the one I have explored properly and been the most public about. But a single picture or image can never make such a big impact, at least I would not be able to make such a big impact in this way. I have a love for story telling, characterisation, etc etc. Thus the best I can really do with combining both of these things is animation. It is basically a version of film that I would be competent at, and have no real visual ristrictions, yet be completely individual. I'm not sure what it is with me and creating alone. For some reason I don't ever feel confident with speaking for my creations with any other method besides letting them speak for themselves. I feel uncomfortable explaining the intentions and the story behind something. Back when I was 13 and making movies in 3d Movie Maker and creating threads to hype them up on forums, I would always say the story was "a secret". Possibly because often that aspect is pretty weak with me without the style and way it is told to back it up. Working with other people would mean I couldn't explain my intentions with a finished product, because I'd need them to help with that said product.

But it's not really something I want to do because animation itself is perhaps the most boring and tedious thing in the world. I'm actually leaning towards doing animation in university, though I should hurry up and realise that it's a pointless venture for me. I like animation. I like films. I like stories. If I wanted to be a creative director of an animated movie, I would not need to be an animator, and the story telling aspect and having my own world visualised is the really appealing part. The only reason I make cartoons is because I like the end product, not the process. Having a career where I animate for someone else's creation and directive vision would be my nightmare; all process, none of the feeling of your creation jumping from your mind and into something others can see.

On the matter of university, I've decided that it is something I eventually want to do next year. Because I feel like I need to experience it. Thinking of something that would be worthwhile for me is another matter, and is the problem with creative things. I've gone back to what I was in 2008; I know what I want to become, but not what I want to persue. Knowing my dream and being unsure if I should follow it. It's weird how I'm backtracking. The more I look at what it would involve being a musician properly, the more I want to back away from it.

But how can I say I don't want to be a musician when people like Mark Kozelek exist, reminding me through his bands Red House Painters and Sun Kil Moon just how perfect it is as an individualist medium, and how if I could make just person feel what his music does to me, I would have succeeded at life. To not follow your biggest passion when you are only alive and here once for a very short time...I don't think I could ever rationalise it. I am not going to strive to settle.