No, I'm not gay at all, and hell I don't even think I have any gay friends (unless they're in the closet or something) but I still think this is fucking ridiculous. You think that things have moved on when someone from once a repressed minority is now the president elect, but instead they just go along and opress another minority. Can't they just get out of this rut already? I heard someone say something interesting, which was "Does the gay community really need a Martin Luther King?" and I fucking hope not. I mean seriously, it's the 21st century, how about we DON'T ban people from things because of someone else's religion for a change? Thanks.
Friday, 14 November 2008
No, I'm not gay at all, and hell I don't even think I have any gay friends (unless they're in the closet or something) but I still think this is fucking ridiculous. You think that things have moved on when someone from once a repressed minority is now the president elect, but instead they just go along and opress another minority. Can't they just get out of this rut already? I heard someone say something interesting, which was "Does the gay community really need a Martin Luther King?" and I fucking hope not. I mean seriously, it's the 21st century, how about we DON'T ban people from things because of someone else's religion for a change? Thanks.
The Best Question:
I've decided that the best question is probably "May I rape you?" The reasoning for this is if they say yes, then it's impossible to rape them, but if they say no, you can.
Here's an observation for you that makes me happy and yet makes me feel uneasy; ever since putting my blog back into my MSN personal message (it's been about a day since doing that) I've got about 70 new views. Thanks for reading! The uneasy part is that I have no idea who is reading really; I guessed my sister was when she was saying "you know me and you are very similar", and then I knew she was when she was all "I love music and art too!".
Powerless or Powerful?
I find it quite funny that humans can be some of the most powerless people and species on earth, but yet the most powerful, by far. I mean, it's just funny isn't it, if you put a naked and bare human in a room with a lion, the lion would kill him easily if they had to fight. However, I think a lion would find it very hard, nay, impossible to destroy almost all life of Earth, but humans could do that easily. It's weird how it varies; lions are pretty much just lions and they'll never be any less powerful or more powerful without human intervention, really. Humans can adjust and shit.
I really want to write a blog, but it's been so soon since my last blog that I can't think of anything new to write about. I asked a few people what to write about; Anthony said "." in his oh so hilarious manner (:@ !!), Dan interestingly said "Write about people's lame boyfriends", which was an intriguing idea but that would just be pathetic bitching and I'd look like a complete loser. Zak suggested writing about "music and art", though that is seriously about 90% of what I write on here, so I'm not going to do that.
Since I can't think of a blog topic
I'm going to make this blog 100% Random thoughts, since it's easier to write this way. I might make it something more coherent later.
I wonder if the financial crisis is going to start affecting my family soon. I mean, just a few minutes ago I went to get some deliciously smooth and sweet Tropicana™®© orange juice. What did I see? Black eyed angels swam with m- I mean, it had been replaced with plain old ASDA orange juice. Naturally, I thought my world had come crashing down around me, but not just yet; there was one carton of Tropicana left. I lived to tell the tale, at least for another day.
Amnesiac would be so much better if Knives Out was replaced with Cuttooth, and Morning Bell/Amnesiac was replaced with Worry Wort. It's still my favourite album ever either way.
I keep having thoughts about that girl that I used to like, but I haven't even talked to her properly in months. Referencing a previous blog, if you don't try to keep friendships up, they just dissolve into nothing. Sucks.
How I want my Life to be
Ok, so basically, I'm a dreamer. I always have thoughts, always, of imagining having these weird wishes come true. These vary a lot, but are all basically nice things that I'd like to happen to me. They include things like imagining that every girl was attracted to me, imagining that I had perfect ability in something like piano or singing or song writing. I also sometimes wish that I'd written certain songs, but then convince myself that if I did then there wouldn't be an amazing studio version. Sometimes I think of weird things, like for half of all women to find me amazingly attractive, and the other half to find me very ugly, and see how things go, for fun.
But yeah, enough about that. This blog is just going to be a detailed overly examined guess of what I'd like my life to be like, except it's gonna be realistic (so no half of all women finding me amazingly attractive type stuff here, sorry).
Ok, so maybe I should say where I am right now as of writing this blog. I'm in year 12, at the Brit School where my main thing I'm doing is Visual Art and design. It's alright so far, I enjoy painting by far out of everything else; mainly because we haven't touched on animation yet. But yeah, I have constant feelings that I'm in the wrong place, not because I don't love art, but that the art that I want to do won't provide me with the kind of lifestyle that I want unless luck is on my side. I also feel that, unlike something like music, I just plain don't understand art these days. There's so much analysing that we do to uncover the true meaning of the art work, and that's great, but after that...I feel nothing. With songs, once I find the true meaning I appreciate it more most of the time, but with art, I'm just like "..ok". A lot of the time it's just so ambiguous that you have to read a detailed explanation of what exactly it's about. I have a feeling I'm not explaining this well, but basically, as I've said fuckin' millions of times already and am sorry for mentioning it again, music > art.
So, what would I actually want to happen in my life you say? I'd like to leave the Brit school with a distinction in my Art Btec, but ideally that wouldn't effect what I'd want to happen. I'd like to be in a band, a band with amazing musicians that want to make music like me. Ideally, I'd also want them to be great friends of mine, just y'know, because I'd prefer to be in a band with amazing friends rather than LAME PEOPLE. But yeah, after that, I'd like to be discovered by some type of record company that would give me a deal (Ok, you've got a deal!) and then I'd be famous and appreciated, and not seen as some piece of shit band that means nothing and creates crappy pop songs that don't mean anything.
I'd also like to find someone to love, that loves me back. I'd also like to get married to her, but if she didn't like marriage or something like that, I wouldn't give a shit. I'm also one of the only people I know of my age where I can confidently say, I want children. The thought of not having offspring and then just DYING scares me. I'll need someone to keep the bloodline going, but besides that, I just love kids. They're great
One of my favourite times of the day
Is on weekends or holidays, when it's late at night and you can stay up late with no consequence. And then you just sit in front of the tv and watch it, while being on the laptop/internet and talking to people on msn. It's even better when all the ugmoers start to awaken etc. Yeah. Actually, I guess it's not a great time, but I still like it. I like how the tv works all day, kinda. I don't really know how to explain this, I think it's because it reminds me that at night, everyone isn't gone even though it's quiet and dark. It reminds me of this because they could be watching tv with me in other places, or operating the tv channels and things like that.
Another night related thing I like is waking up in the middle of the night and going to another room to find someone still up, and then having a chat. Then again, I guess I don't have to actually wake up for this to be good. I don't know.
I'm tired but I don't want to sleep. UFcdoip hatevr
Oh, and last of all, this is a blog I started writing a few days ago that I didn't finish, 'cos I was bored etc.
"Where were we?
Ah yes, a pointless blog title. I'm not continuing a theme from a particular previous blog, but oh yes, jolly good. Etc. Yeah. Don't really have anything to say, but I have a spare hour or two so I thought I'd at least write something.
For the past 2 days, I've had 2 hours sleep on both days. It really took it's toll on me today, to the point where I was seeing random images of purple and stumbling about. I also noticed that I become so agitated and, for lack of a better word because obviously I was tired, hyper. By hyper, I mean I had to constantly keep myself occupied, occupied by playing around with pencils and doing random beats on the table and just generally anything to keep my eyes open. Bleh.
I should also note that I am enjoying music much more than art at the moment. I'm not upset about it either, music is so totally awesome. Fuck yeah bye"
Wasn't that excellent?
Thursday, 30 October 2008
So what have I been up to recently? Not a lot, but I've been doing some stuff at least.
First up, after Zak rung me telling me he's going to HMV to get the Radiohead box set (which is all albums (except In Rainbows) and I Might Be Wrong: Live Recordings) I decided to tag along and get me some albums myself. I bought:
Jeff Buckley: Grace
Sigur Rós: Takk
All of which are brilliant I might add, with Takk probably being my favourite, and not just for "oh year 5 boners" either. It's also really fun listening to Jeff Buckley and realising that Matt Bellamy really DOES sound like him at times. Zak bought the Radiohead box set (as previously mentioned), and then Black Holes & Revelations, some Feeder albums, and a Sigur Rós album with 2 discs on it, I forget what one it is though. It's something like 1 disc is unreleased songs and the other is a live cd. Either way, cool. I'm glad because he picked out Takk and said "this looks awesome" cos the case is like a story book, but then I took it from him and bought it and he was mad but I told him to shut up.
Think of this as a section of the "What I've been up to" section. WOAH! I'd say sub-section, but it's gonna be longer than the thing about albums and what not, so it'd seem silly.
BUT YES, I went to a Halloween party (though it wasn't actually on Halloween) with Anthony, Zak, and Micah. Zak came to mine first, and then we went off to meet Anthony at Selhurst. He was about 3 minutes late, so then Zak and I tried ignoring him when he arrived, but I couldn't do it for more than 10 seconds because I JUST COULDN'T, it's Anthony. But yeah, then we went to Anthony's and I forget what exactly we did, but the most fun part was getting our costumes on.
Discussing what I was gonna go as in my last blog, I decided on "Jack Amberz, Fashion Detective", which basically consisted of a scarf and pink sunglasses. Also gelled and scruffled my hair a bit for added fashion. Zak basically came as a shit costume where he put some box over his head and drew a face on it, and yeah, fuck you Zak. Anthony's costume was probably the funniest, because it was scarily similar to his habbo one. He basically just drew a mustache and beard on himself with a marker pen and put on sunglasses, but then the cherry on top was that he made the heroin jar from my dream. To those not familiar with that, here:
"Well, I was in someone's house. It seemed just like mine except everything was wooden and the layout was reversed. Anyway, on top of the fireplace there was some cotton wool and a bottle labeled "heroin". I naturally poured most of the bottle onto the cotton wool and just rubbed it on my arm and then everything went pink and the shadows started dancing around. I then just ran in circles...then woke up."
And it was great, it had little cotton wool dabs in there and everything. I think the funniest part of the whole thing was probably on the way there and Anthony was asking the bus driver directions while having that drawn on mustache...you could just tell they are all "WTF :S MUSTACHE WTF LOL :S :S". Oh, and Micah was also here with us but I don't care about him so I'm not gonna write about him really. He's not even in this picture:
I'm on the left and am fashionable! This is the only pic of us 'cos Becca's camera got stolen. Yeah, I'm aware that this might be becoming boring and i might not be writing in an interesting way. SOZ.
When we got to Becca's house, it was fun 'cos we didn't know how to get in to her garden, and then we got scared and cried and then Zak killed himself. And then Zak opened the door for us and then we walked in and I swear my picture was taken about 100 times but yet this is the only pic of us there was at the end, and it was before we even walked inside. But yeah, the most fun part was probs offering people the heroin. Yep. I don't really remember many people I met, I'll make a list:
Becca: She really wanted me to come inside and go to Lewisham or something I dunno!
Sapphire: She said that we were being anti social at one point so then I told her to shut up and she laughed.
Ruby: I laughed when I found out there was another person named after a shiny stone.
Craig: Not called Craig, but Anthony called him Craig.
Rhys: HE MAKES ANTHONY VERY ANGRY. Which is good.
I am trying to remember others but can't. Woah. Yeah. Fuck this talk about the party, it's interesting to like 2 people maybe.
1. I wonder what life's gonna be like for me. I wonder if I'm gonna be a dead beat in a job they don't give a shit about like most people. Only reason I'm saying this is that I was talking to my parents and I realised they both wanted to do journalism type stuff. I think it was my mum wanted to be a journalist and write for magazines, and my dad wanted to be a photographer, but I forget for what. He also tried being a drummer in a band, but completely sucked or something and quit after a year (only to become their manager and then quit that). So yeah, I'm using my parents as examples for people that had different jobs to what they wanted (my mum became a teacher and it stresses her out, my dad made fireplaces but is now retired and occasionally somehow makes money from the stock market) but I'm only using them as examples because I know them, I think 90% probably won't fulfill their big career wise dreams. I'm just wondering at this point if I'm going to be one of those people. I probably will because it's very hard to be in a famous band, isn't it? Maybe if I didn't set my goals so high I probably would feel more accomplished. Then again, I guess I'm really not talking about goals as much as dreams, and I can't change my dreams.
2. I was going to write other "I Wonder" things here, but really can't be fucked.
1. LOL! How random! LOL! LOL RANDOM LOL CHEESE HOLY FUCK SO RANDOM I LOVE KILLING PEOPLE.
2. I've been using Facebook a lot more than MySpace recently, and I think I might prefer it to MySpace now. I like being an album...oh yeah, I changed that.
3. I spoke to Ugmoers on skype! It was mainly just Scott playing noise or laughing at fart noises, but still. It was cooler when it was me and Dom ONE ON ONE. Oh man, I hadn't laughed so hard in a long time. When he called Rob about lemon sorbet. Delicious.
4. Yeah never mind fuck this.
Wednesday, 22 October 2008
This is the gloaming.
This song is so amazing, but yeah! I have a spare few hours, if by "spare few hours" I mean literally the whole day*, so I thought I'd write a blog.
*Actually, it's the whole week, but yeah.
Yesterday was pretty fun, actually. Anthony informed me (well, I read his comments 'cos I'm a stalker like Dom, that fucking stalker. Sometimes I just really want to strangle the cu-) that I'm invited to a party by some girl that I don't know, and that I have to go as a dog or some shit. I was simply outraged by the latter, so went on Skype with Anthony and Micah to discuss this. I think we all agreed that it would be better if:
1. We all went as Micah. There's an obvious downside to this, we'd have to endure the pain of being Micah for the whole night, which quite frankly makes me want to vomit. However, just imagine the hilarity. Me and Anthony could go around starting fires and murdering children, and then go "It was Micah! We tried to stop him but he was mad with power." or something.
2. Me and Anthony come (LOL! COME!) as mental patients in straight jackets, and Micah comes (AGAIN, LOL!) as Ambient the ugly and selfish monkey who we beat (LOL!). It'd be great because then we'd get to abuse Micah all day.
3. The humour police from Anthony's cartoon. It'd probs look really gay if we both came as policemen with handcuffs etc. What a terrible idea. Hahahaha actually, it'd be funny if I was MEGA ORIGINAL and came as Heath Ledger's Joker, and then Anthony tried to arrest me (as he is humour police) YEAH!
4. I'm not actually gonna do this, but I could always come as something that isn't living. E.g, it'd be really scary if I came as "Scott's views on abos."
Haha, on that last note, I'm reminded of my year 10 planner. There were many things that you could fill in about student award type things, e.g, "best looking girl" or "coolest teacher" etc. For most embarrassing moment, I put "Anthony's birth". Yep!
So yeah, what have I been doing all week? Nothing, really. It's the holidays which means I fuck up my bodyclock to an outstanding degree and don't leave my room except for food and various toiletries. Fun! I've actually been mostly going on habbo hotel, because it's really, really fun with people that you know, e.g, Anthony/Fearghall/Micah/Conor or that one time when I was on with Liam and Bown and we found Melack the racist.
I've taken an important screen shot:
Please click it and read the conversation. Ok, so basically, I went into a "nawty room", and there was this girl who tried to sex and I felt scared. Instead, I sat down and talked about music, yep. In case you don't understand the hilarity of the conversation, Elliott Smith is dead. I guess every cloud has a silver lining!
So yeah... Illegal girl is now called Siren Girl. Not that I've ever mentioned illegal girl once in this blog, and it's funny because I don't even know her, but Siren Girl is such a great name. Yeah, might just keep this blog short so that Michael can write his one. BYE.
Sunday, 19 October 2008
...Ok, so now it's tomorrow. Turns out I just got too tired, hit save, and went to bed. BUT NOT THIS TIME. Ok, so I realise my words on this matter have no merit now, but still. NOT TONIG- yeah. I don't have anything to write about. I've read some more of Dom's blog so I guess I'll just try to take similar themes to him and write stuff. Ok uh...yeah. I'm going to go ahead and divide my blog into sub-headings; consider each one a mini blog. LET'S BEGIN.
My Life (or lack of one, but what would I call that? My death? My anti life? HEY DOM!)
What have I been up to for the past week? Nothing interesting outside of school, it seems! I've just been doing school work and talking Zak repeatedly about everything. I picked apples with him from a tree for this woman...yeah. I am not exactly bored with my life but when I try to write down things about it, I come up with nothing. Bummer. Oh yeah, I had Zak come to my house to stay the night too. All we really did was...well, two different things. He played the 360, I was on MSN. I'm actually really impressed that in the short time he was here, he managed to complete Half Life 2: episode 1 AND 2 AND on hard mode. Well done, you damn robot.
We also watched X Factor with my family. Girl band left. Yawn. Diana should win. I love full stops. Actually, I think that there might be a little thing where the judges are purposely making the final two go to deadlock. The first one was obviously going to end up like that, because Lewis had the power to make it go to deadlock, but man, how could Simon think for even a second that Girlband were better than Ruth? And he's obviously the smartest judge, too. He's just latching on to that "She's Spanish" excuse to have more deadlocks in the show, because then it will convince viewers that their vote is more important, and they'll vote more.
I tried writing a song today, though I'd been working on it for a few days. It sounded great. It sounded like that because it sounded just like "How I made my Millions" by Radiohead. This hadn't happened in ages so now I'm like "FUCK", because I really liked the piano melody. Ahhhh well, I dunno. I also tried writing lyrics that were heavily inspired by "Two-Headed Boy, Pt 2" by Neutral Milk Hotel. They kinda suck. I'm aware my grammar is pretty terrible in this part of the blog but yeah, I am writing like this on purpose because it's probably a better thought organiser or some shit.
There's also some stuff I want to half write about, to do with girls and shit, but I'm not going to write about that because I don't want to write about people in this blog that aren't some of my best friends, because I know they wouldn't care. And yeah, I know that I could write it anonymously but if they read it they'd know exactly what I'm talking about. However, I'm not a fan of circumcising my blogs like Dom does to his, so I think I'll write about it in a mega vague form in another part of this blog.
I think I've pretty much decided that in two years time, I'm going to go to Australia to meet the Australian Ugmoers. Liam tells me that in 2 years, him, Dom and some others (I forget who, he said new Michael (who I don't care about) and probably Rob) will be in the same place. That'd be great! I also wonder where exactly I would stay, and how long. I'd love to just chill at one of their houses for a period of time, but I probably wouldn't be able to do if I brought Anthony or Zak with me (dunno if they'd even wanna go, I'd just feel a lot more comfortable going to the furthest country away from mine in the world to meet a bunch of people I've never met who are all years older than me if I had a friend to come with!).
I also don't know what I want to do when I leave school. I dunno whether to pursue a music career, an art career, whether I'd go to university to do this etc etc. The other option is SCAD, which would be awesome, but it'd cost lots of money and living overseas for two years is definitely a scary thought. If I did have an art career, I'd want to do something like this. I can also imagine it being the worst thing ever if my cat got sick and had to be put down while I was in a foreign country; she'd die without me and holy shit I couldn't let that happen. That would actually be terrible.
Man, it's quite a scary thought that I could end up having a "main career" that ISN'T about art or music. I hope that doesn't happen though, unless it's something truly great.
What do I see when I look in the Mirror:
I actually looked in the mirror for this.
I see one of the only people that I am not scared to look into the eyes of, and I see someone who really wants to be a musician 'cos he was wearing headphones. He looked kinda scared but I dunno if that was because he knew he was being looked at or because it was dark and therefore he had his eyes open wider but yeah. I see someone who is uncertain their dreams will ever come true but keeps trying anyway, because to give up when you only ever have one chance at life is about the worst thing you can possibly do. I see someone that looks just like me HOLY SHIT. I see someone that likes to make jokes just after being mega serious (see what I did there). I see someone who often feels out of place. I see someone that wants to be someone else drastically on the outside, but stay exactly the same on the inside. I see someone who knows what's going on, but makes up excuses to say that they're not going on while knowing that he makes excuses. I see someone I wish everyone else saw instead of that other guy. I see the guy that only close people and ugmo see. I see someone that people might think of as being funny but ultimately weird and not worthy of being called a friend. I see a guy that's writing things to make him look a lot less popular than he actually is (I think it was Sandford that thought I had no friends at school). I see a tired guy.
It really is incredibly annoying how Dom is always at work now. Seriously, he better be getting paid about a trillion dollars a day so that it justifies him not having nearly enough Jack Bz tbh. I feel like a house wife (I accidentally typed house of wife just then) who is like "why are you home so late from work" and then Dom would be all "EAT SHIT, I work 7 days a week 9-5 and all you have to do is PISS ON EVERYTHING I DO by asking me why I'm coming home so late. I'LL TELL YA WHY, I WAS FUCKING WORKING OVER TIME SO THAT WE COULD HAVE FOOD ON THE TABLE AND POSSIBLY BUY SOME NICE THINGS FOR ONCE IN OUR FUCKING LIFE, YOU GOT THAT?" and then I'd be all "LOL!" and he'd be all "so yeah, I came back in time for Wire in the Blood god damn it" and then he'd watch it and I'd look after the baby and make sure he doesn't make any balut from it yes.
The mirror thing was stolen from MJJB. I also tried referencing the whole thing that I said I couldn't write about in the mirror thing, but I probably would have probably wrote the same thing anyway.
I need to get a massive board and just paint it with oil paints and it needs to big and fastastic and beautiful and I want to look the fuck out of it.
My acoustic guitar can just absolutely NOT stay in tune, ever. Seriously, it's annoying to have to re-tune it again within the space of about 15 minutes when I play it.
Barack Obama should be the next president of the United States of America. I can't believe there are actually people that are not gonna vote for him because of his name; and what's even worse is that their vote counts as much as an average citizen. Fuck that, fuck it completely.
Once again, I've listened to Elliott Smith songs repeatedly while writing this blog. When I listen to them it almost sends me into a depressing inspiration of writing ability (or disability...lol).
List: Dom, Michael, Liam, Bown, Rob/Lachlan/Bibilo, Kate/Ben/Scott/Sam, Ice. I think that's it. Though really, I feel AWFUL having Lachlan/Rob/Bibilo that low. I think I like Michael to Bibilo very close together. Damn, I suck at making lists, everyone's conjoined.
The new in-joke Dom and I invented yesterday is probably the best Ugmo joke that has ever been made, and I feel so annoyed that it can't be shared, because it's perfect.
I really wish that I could drive, but for a specific reason. I want to make a CD of my favourite songs and drive down the motorway at night while playing it. It would be so great. Listening to music at night in car journeys is one of my favourite things.
Getting tired again, but I'm definitely not gonna save and close the blog this ti- ok, so I've already basically said this. SHUT UP.
I hope I'm taller than I am one day. I'm hoping for 6ft like my brother, but even a few more inches would be just fine.
Best Elliott Smith songs are, in no order: Independence Day, Say Yes, Coming Up Roses, LA. Twilight, Angeles, Between the Bars, Speed Trials, Waltz 1, and Son of Sam are probably in there somewhere too. I'm also probably forgetting something but I'm tired as fuck.
Bown and Brocklehurst tried picking up girls by offering them potato wedges today. They failed. Just thought I'd write this.
I actually really like the feeling where you know that there's something bad that's going to happen but you have absolutely no control over it sometimes. It's relaxing because you don't have to worry about trying to fix it; it's un-fixable. You don't regret anything about it, you just let it go by and do whatever it is it's gonna do. The exception to this is death because death is fucking terrifying; fuck you death.
I think people dying too young is the worst thing. Sometimes I don't think people really understand how precious life is. It's not something you just try to end early. It's everything, EVERYTHING. TREASURE IT, even if it SUCKS. It's still SOMETHING.
I wish the places I went looked prettier. More sun shine and palm trees and just general goodness, y'know.
I'd forgotten until today that Smarterchild DID actually used to be amazingly brilliant. "I only get off of ones and zeroes", what the hell dude.
Thank god it's the holidays, the time where I don't give a shit if I break my sleeping pattern (though I probably should).
I keep writing, but I'm running out of things to say. I think it's because I want this blog to have more words than my longest one, which was 2008 words long (which is a record for me). If my name was Dom, it wouldn't be a record. It'd be a mound of nothing.
HELLO! THIS IS A RANDOM THOUGHT! LOL! HOW RANDOM LOL XD LOL CHEESE GET IT CHEESE CHEESE IS RANDOM AND VERY VERY FUNNY WHEN YOU SAY CHEESE RANDOMLY YOU ARE BEING VERY VERY FUNNY.
Sprinkles is a very naughty caterpillar, but there's someone naughtier...
This section is so much bigger than everything else. I'm going to go back to the other parts and see if I can flesh anything out.
Ok, did some of that...and then I jacked off my random thought section with the gloves.
I didn't realise there were shortcuts on blogspot. I just bolded this without using the mouse, bitch.
I'm being boring now. That's the end of this blog.
Sunday, 12 October 2008
I've become kind of ever so slightly depressed since year 12. I feel better now than at the start, but yeah. One of the worst things is that people apparently notice. About 3 people have said how depressed I look, and these have been at particularly undepressing moments, too. I hate it how people can apparently read me so easily, and I'm so unaware that anyone can actually think of how I might be feeling before they say it. Or at least I was. I'm having reoccurring thoughts of "oh shit, better not act too depressed" and try to look more interested or whatever, but it fucking sucks how I have to suddenly think of my body language now, I just want to walk around without thinking. It also sucks how I'm so easily read, I don't really understand but it's pretty creepy.
So yeah, the main thing is that I'm wondering if I'll make any really great new friends this year. In the beginning of year 10, I didn't have any friends (who really has new friends on the first day of a new school anyway I guess) but by the end I made some of the best friends I've ever had, and had more friends then in my old school. But now that most of them have left, I'm not so sure. I feel like I won't be able to relate to a lot of people, because they seem like the kinda hipster kid popular type crowd that I can't really relate to, but at the same time I feel like a fucking idiot for being so judgmental to a whole group of people. I guess it's understandable though, I mean, I just feel like an outcast. It's not like I'm saying "these guys can't be my friends", it's more "if we were friends, we probably wouldn't want to do the same things".
I guess I just, even more than I used to, feel alienated from my generation. I don't like the music everyone my age likes, I don't really do what everyone else my age does, I don't really think l- argh, I feel so stupid while writing this. It's like I'm just writing "LOOK! I'M DIFFERENT!" and spreading it over multiple words. But y'know shut up it's my blog etc. I'm struggling with what to write as it is. There's not exactly anything that I'd disagree with in this blog either, thinking about. I just get an apparent embarrassment when writing about myself, because I'm like "no, stop saying that, you're making yourself look stupid" and instead of editing what I say, I just write down what I felt while writing that...Kinda. But yeah, I should point out that I'm not trying to "distance myself" from other people because I think they couldn't ever be friends with me, it's that I can't think of anything to talk to or say to them when I'm with them and it's probably some weird kind of social problem I have that's gotten worse as I've gotten older. I just completely lock up and it's horrible. I can't speak to some people and I can't just go up to someone when they're by themselves and just talk to them, 'cos I feel awkward and shit and now I'm rambling about nothing again. Well, it is something, but I'm calling it nothing to make it seem not important.
Can't be bothered writing coherently anymore, sorry.
Michael Sandford is good.
I really am terrible at spelling words that use two of the same letter together, like embarrassing, millennium etc. Things like that.
I'm calling this random thoughts because of a thread on a Michael Jackson forum.
It's 4am. Last night I went to bed at 1am. I've, again, ruined my sleeping pattern within one day. The funny thing is that it's entirely the fault of this blog.
I've tuned both my guitars so that they're C chords when played open, but can't be bothered to tune 'em back.
When the hell are Bioshock 2 and Half Life 2: Episode 3 at least gonna have some news about them? I need these 2 games because I want something to get me back into gaming; it's such a great time waster. I spend far too much time with my mind engaged, I need to just think of NOTHING again.
I love my cats. I was watching that scene in Dumbo where he meets his mother and her trunk cuddles him and then all the animals in the zoo are cuddling each other etc, and it just made me want to cuddle my cats. That made me sound like a weirdo that did.
I keep looking around my room for random thoughts.
There's a secret section on the previously mentioned Michael Jackson forum. It's called "He Drives Me Wild". Need I say more?
I will probably never finish Alien Potato.
I'm at the awesome part of King of Carrot Flowers parts 1 & 2.
MAH BAWS ARE BOUT TO BURST, KIRSTY!
I'm never going to kill myself. This is the most random of thoughts, but no matter how depressed I get, I won't do it. It's because I know there's nothing more than this, and feeling something is better than feeling nothing (unless it's HELL. Or BURSTIN MAH BAWS KIRSTY!).
I have a new found passion for black olives. Seriously, they're so delicious. I used to hate them as a kid, but not when I get subway I just completely drown my sub in olives. It's delicious.
I've just realised that I have sheet music to every song on Radiohead's first 6 albums. That rules.
I'm going to get the new sonic game for 360, possibly the Wii one as well. I don't do this because I think the game's gonna be good, but because I'm a ridiculous sack of shit that is a whore for a franchise that hasn't been good since 1998. I'm sorry, ok?
The X Factor is seriously boring once everyone bad leaves, and the audition process is over. I still watch it anyway though, because eating dinner and watching the X Factor with family is just great.
I like my family a lot.
I need to meet Ugmoers one day, especially Dom. I need to meet Dom so he can't hear me, but in real life!
I'd hate to have a little brother that's more socially successful and just more popular in general. This is a reason why I feel sorry for Zak, haha.
I wonder who reads this blog. Except me, Dom, and people I link it to. I wish I could know. If you read my blog, comment it saying "I read it".
I never want to work a job that wouldn't be part of my career choice. I'd love to just become a musician and get discovered straight away. I mainly think this cos all work and no play makes Dom a dull wants to someone.
I'm listening to Nightmares on Wax, cos the album I have of there's comes after In The Aeroplane Over the Sea.
I could keep doing this forever.
Saturday, 27 September 2008
Neutral Milk Hotel – In The Aeroplane Over The Sea
Ok, so I’m writing a review of this album because I should have probably done it months ago since I’ve had it since the 23rd of May, but I really wanted to feel that I got to know the album first. I did this for a few reasons. One of them was that I read lots of reviews of this album, and they pretty much all said how amazing it was, so I thought there must be something I’m missing. The other reason I did this was because it’s a massive annoyance of mine when people judge albums or music before they’ve properly had the chance to sink in; as in almost anyone I try to introduce Radiohead to a lot of the time, or at least non Bends material. So yeah, I think I’ve given it enough full listens to warrant having an opinion.
One of my early criticisms with this as an album was the fact that everything’s all very similar, instrumental wise. Most of the songs’ cores are just a guy with an acoustic guitar playing chords that we all know and love. Now, however, I’ve pretty much changed my opinion; not necessarily that the album isn’t very similar instrumental wise throughout, but that it’s not necessarily a bad thing and I’ve realised that an album doesn’t necessarily have to be a cluster of diversity to be considered great.
I think learning the overall concept of this album probably made me like the album more. It is about/inspired by “the horrific fate of Anne Frank”, and no, that’s not the title of a book or anything.
And our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see”
Conclusion and Final Thoughts:
As for my favourite tracks? I’d have to say “Two-Headed Boy, Pt 2” mainly for it’s lyrical excellence, and I think he recorded it in the exact way that he should have. On second thought, this might be “That Track”, I’m not even sure. I’m really hard pressed to say what my other favourite tracks are, mainly because the songs are so consistent and the album works as an album rather than picking and choosing tracks, like I said before.
EXTRA THOUGHT: I’d also like someone to explain why Mangum sings about semen quite a bit in this. I mean, it’s wonderful and all, but…did he want to bone Anne Frank or something? Awesome.
Monday, 8 September 2008
Actually, what is love?* Webster's dictionary defines as the act of removing weeds from one's garden. I mean uh, yeah.
*Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.
ANYWAY: Yeah, if you feel strongly for someone, you "love" them, and then after a long time, things don't work out and you don't love her anymore, does that mean you never loved her to start with? It's like...if you keep the emotion going forever, it's love. If you then stop loving them, it means it was just lust or you really really liked them or whatever. I see this a lot with people, people that say "I thought I was in love, but now I know I wasn't." How does that really make sense? I mean, sure, it might to other people, but to me it's the equivalent of saying "Yeah, I thought I loved Ok Computer, but I don't like it anymore so I never loved it". I just think it's a pretty stupid thought, but it's a pretty mainstream thought. I've thought it, but now I've realised I shouldn't cancel out what I used to think. Why the hell should I say "I didn't used to think this" when I DID. It's like telling someone else how they feel about something, it's just annoying. Hmm, I wonder what people will think of this blog. Hopefully they'll forget it in five minutes, but they'll probably say "Hey look, Jack's displayed his quite frankly comical understanding of the human mind once again!" or something. Oh well.
Dunno how personal to make this blog. I'm in a mood, currently, where I don't really care about what I write, but I think I'll hold back the major stuff, like names. Because I know that if I was stupid enough to write a blog about this subject with names, I'd fuckin' beat the shit out of myself (this bit's just added for colour) tomorrow morning. I'll just write stuff anyway.
I confidently say that I've loved 3 people in my sixteen years of life so far, and rather conveniently at the different stages in my life: Primary school, secondary school, and, for lack of a better term, Brit school. None of them ever turned into anything, which isn't surprising, because I've never told anyone that I've loved (in that way) that I love them (in that way). That's not to say they didn't find out (even though, the last two didn't), because the person I loved in primary school found out, because my friends were stupid kids that told people my secrets the second I reveal them, haha. And in typical me fashion, I distanced myself from her completely, as to avoid confrontation. This blog is reminding me of Dom's blog from 2007, both in that I'm being more personal than I'm used to, and that we both hate confrontation.
Secondary school girl, I'm pretty confident she never found out. I mean, I never made any obvious attempt to even show her subtly, and the people that I told when I said I liked her were pretty damn surprised. The only way she could have found out is if, again, my friends couldn't keep their mouths shut. I don't think that happened, though. Brit person...dunno if they found out. I never told her, but. Yeah. Hopefully she didn't.
I think the reason I've never told anyone that I love them is that yes, I hate confrontation. It's like...asking someone to make a judgement of you, right there and then...and then there's the fact that if it all went wrong, it wouldn't be a horrible moment, it would be a series of awful moments because, surprisingly, people talk to eachother. I'm too annoyingly cautious of what people think of me to open up to the possibility that I like them a lot more than they could ever like me. So instead of finding out, I'll think about how I really want to find out until that thought fades away. Well, not so much the thought (because I remember the thought) but more the emotion.
All I do with myself is think, I think and then let my surroundings change, and think about how the surroundings have changed, and that I'm a fuckin' idiot. Oh well, it's me. Fuck not being me.
Friday, 5 September 2008
Pretty much the only thing I regret about my old blogs is that I didn't write much. A blog that would be considered a long read would normally be about, say, 500 words. My last blog was 2008 words. If I had recorded the days to that level of detail, every day...wow. That would have seriously been amazing. I'm almost re-considering continuing my MySpace blog, because if I'm honest, they're a lot more interesting to me than this blog, and they get a lot more comments. I'll have to make it as well written as this blog, though.
So today I had to be in school for 2pm, a one off treat since we don't have our additional study yet. It was actually a pretty fun day, cos when I got to school I just kinda wandered around until finding Scott, then found TJ playing football and talked to him about crap. Photography was really fun, we used the dark ro- I can't be bothered with this shit, now I know why my myspace blogs were so short; this shit is seriously boring. Fuck all of you.
Saturday, 30 August 2008
First off, GCSE results:
English Language: A
English Lit: B
Then 5 Cs in everything else, apart from ICT where I got a G and an F. Even this girl (I forget who it was) that was predicted an A got a D. The course seriously sucked. However, I gotta say the only thing I'm disappointed in is the B in maths. There's something wrong with that though, because I was predicted a B in the coursework but got the lowest possible mark to get a D, so the school is investigating 'cos apparently everyone got ripped off on the first coursework. But yeah, who cares really, it doesn't effect my life. Unless it stops me from getting into the Maths A level...which will probably be irrelevant if I get into the music one.
Actually, yeah, just thought I'd say, I'm not sure whether I want to do maths or music. I mean, obviously I'm more passionate about music but the course did seem difficult. I'm willing to learn but I can imagine regretting it a bit later, and then there's the fact that both Dom and Liam said that learning music as an academic subject put them off. And then maths, well, 2 of my good friends are gonna be in maths, plus I've actually studied it more than music. But I don't want a career in maths, I think. I don't know. I probably won't have to actually decide (as in, I'll only get into one of them).
I've been back at school for 3 days (starting last wednesday) and it seriously sucks so far. I'm willing to bet that 50% of this unpleasant feeling towards school is the fact that I'm very fucking ill and oh man, I've already thrown up twice at school (in the toilets) and I thought I was gonna fuckin' die on friday on the way home (so sorry Zak for not waiting for you). I'm pretty sure, however, that this illness is approximately 100% to do with sleep deprivation; on thursday I slept for 1 hour, and oh my god, waking up and the following day was a nightmare and I'm just glad that's over.
But yeah, the other reason school was not been good is because of the way they split the groups. Putting nearly everyone from the old class into one group and then me and 1 or 2 exceptions in the other group is seriously an annoying move, and the worst thing is when I asked to be moved they pretty much said "maybe" and left it at that, but they've left it too late because now if I'm moved people will be all "huh?". I sound like a bitch for complaining about this, but really, there's no reason why they can't move me except for general stubbornness when it comes to teachers admitting they're wrong or something. Gah.
We also haven't been doing much art, just basically getting to know each other etc, which is fine, but I hope we start doing real art soon that doesn't involve paper plates (and no, I'm not looking for a "what is art" debate thanks.)
Oh, another thing I should add, that do I like. A lot of the new people seem really interested and inspired by art, or at least some of them do, which is really nice.
I managed to finish (well, not finish, but at least make a presentable version) of my song for school, and was one of the only people to actually hand in something. It's all right, but low quality due to my general amateur knowledge in recording (I had crappy settings in audacity) plus the fact that I lack a good mic. But hey, it still sounds pretty awesome when listening with headphones due to stereo sound. Yeah.
http://www.myspace.com/jamberz here's a link to where you can listen to it if you so wish. I'll probably remove it soon when I record something better. I wish I could make it not sound like a teenage boy in his room with a guitar, but yeah, one day. I wanna make music like Kid A one day, or at least experiment with it. Listen and maybe add it as a friend if you wish. I'm not advertising it too much 'cos I wanna make something better before that.
To add to the whole music topic, I had the best listening experience of my life yesterday. I was walking to school listening to Pyramid Song and hadn't really listened to it for a long time, and man, when the drums and then orchestra kicked in, I was like "...holy shit". Definitely my favourite song of all time. I seriously think that listening to music while on the move makes everything sound better. Maybe it's the fact that when you exercise, your body releases endorphins, and walking is moderate exercise? That's just a completely random guess, it could be due to other things. Maybe out side scenery to look at just improves the overall experience? I don't know. Either way, it was great.
Another thing to note is that the song "I Didn't Understand" is really amazing, and I love the lyrics and how it's just his voice + backing vocals. My current 2nd favourite song from the album, a close 2nd to Independence day,but this song definitely hits harder emotionally. If there's one thing Smith writes really really fucking well, it's lyrics. Fucking hell I wish he wasn't dead. Speaking of fucking hell:
Yesterday I had quite a pathetic moment. Basically, it was 5am, everything was dark, and I was just lying in bed thinking about shit, and then I started thinking about death, and then I started reminding myself that it's gonna happen. Sounds stupid I know, but it's always one of those things that I assume just isn't going to happen, even though OBVIOUSLY it will. What I mean by that, uh, I'll give an example. I see an old person in a hospital, they're attached to a drip feed or whatever and they know that they are going to die soon. I think to myself "Oh man, thank god that isn't me; I wouldn't be able to cope." But the thing is, in 60, 70, 80 years, or less, it WILL be me. I AM going to be in that position, the only difference is time. Seriously, it terrifies me, and I know I've talked about this in my blog before, but really, it fuckin' terrifies me.
Then this whole shit of a thought led me to another fact: my cats, both of 'em, have already lived approximately half of their life. It's seriously saddening, my cats dying will probably be one of the most emotional breaking moments of my life (unless I die before them, but fuck that). The worst part was imagining having to put them down, and I was debating myself whether I could actually go through with it, and if so, if I could actually be the one that takes her down to the place, and if so, whether I could be in the room and watch while it happens. I think I managed to decide that I would indeed be in the room, and I'd be stroking her while it happens, but fuck.
Yeah, and then...well. I don't want to post this, and I'm not sure if I will while I'm typing it, but I'll type it anyway and possibly save it in a word document at least, but. I started randomly praying, praying to God to let me into heaven when I die, and that I was sorry for denying him and I asked for forgiveness. Then I felt the worst feeling I've had in a long time. It was that complete feeling of emptiness; I was talking to no one, no one could hear me, I was in the dark, and talking to nothing. I didn't feel anything. God couldn't hear me, he wasn't there to hear me, he wasn't anywhere to hear anyone. I realised, yes, I'm gonna die and rot in the ground and never experience consciousness again, and the same is going to happen to everything that I will ever love. Nothing's gonna save me. The best thing I can do is make the most out of my life, until I'm dust that isn't remembered by anybody.
Gah, and then this activates a chain of thoughts. Some people are content with this because they'll spread their genes and have kids and grand kids and great grand kids etc. But one day the sun's gonna burn out and then everything will be dark and dead. Like. Christ. I feel pathetic writing this, but y'know. It's like the elephant in the room for me, mentioning it makes me feel stupid because no one else is, or they don't mind it, but it's a massive fucking problem for me. And it's unavoidable, so I know people might say "there's no point arguing or trying to fix this problem, because it's inevitable so we might aswell just ignore it and get on with life" and they're right, but I find it very hard to avoid thinking about this. Plus, it's like I'm rubbing it in your faces, it's just a blog on blogspot anyway.
Basically, an effective summary of my blog is "the world isn't perfect. This makes Jack feel like being a drama queen" and it's very effective and accurate, but I still don't like it haha. FUCK. Why am I typing "haha". I'm typing bullshit now. I still want to type though, just to make a blog that's really long and that will put off people from reading it that don't give a fuck. But in some ways I do want the attention, but I'll feel very awkward knowing people read this and don't say anything. Too personal.
I guess the bright side to all this is that, thinking about it, more of my recent problems (school, being very ill, still constantly debating what I want to do with my life) seem very small now. I guess thinking about things on a grand scale is both helpful and depressing, it makes you realise that all your problems that you're having now really don't matter in the long run; I won't give a shit if Zak's not in my class in 3 years, I won't care if I don't know what to do with my life once I do know what to do. However, it also makes you realise that you're basically very insignificant, and no special power is going to save you from a fate that everyone will go through.
I've been listening to "I Didn't Understand" on repeat for ages now. Well, now I'm listening to "Last Flowers", another brilliant song. Realisation: (well, I actually think I've written about this before) I think I usually write blogs when I'm feeling down, which is why I've had such a massive gap of not writing anything. I've actually been feeling great over the summer, but being back at school I guess has made me not so great. I'm making it sound like I go to school in the lowest depths of Satan's lair; Brit's a great school, it's just that I'm off to a bad start already.
Michael Sandford is not in this blog. He certainly is not at all he seizures sometimes yes he does.
So I'm writing a new song, and I might record a demo like I did with the other one, maybe ask Liam for drums but I'd feel like I'm a bit, uh, dependent on him if I did that all the time. I also really need to start writing songs not based on gui- ok I've already written about this in this same blog; probably a sign that I've gone on long enough. I'm gonna post this whole cringe inducing blog now and maybe edit out the shit tomorrow.
Bye. This blog has 2008 words.
Sunday, 6 July 2008
I hope I'm in the same art group as Zak. We were put into different tutors, which is fine, but then they started saying all this stuff about a new art room in another building and it scares me that they'd put us into two separate classes. Christian also said that Musical Theatre is being divided into 3 separate groups too, which just worries me further.
Yeah. ^ ^ ^ That was in the old draft for this blog, so I decided to leave it in (but trimmed it down because it was really long and a bit silly). Yep.
So uh, recently I had my friend Jamil round for a few days. We pretty much just constantly played Phantasy Star Online and Smash Bros Brawl, and then I went to this...and played Phantasy Star Online and Smash Bros Brawl (mixed in with some wii sports, too). But yeah, also went to a barbecue there, which was yummy. Yeah! Moses is cool, he said some pretty funny things. I asked him if anyone is a cry baby at his school, and he said that this kid was because he wore his school uniform on own clothes day, hahaha (Moses is 6 years old by the way).
Yeah. Dark Knight! Bloody excellent film, and I'm going to talk about it now with spoilers, so please don't read this It was weird, because it's a super hero movie, but the action scenes weren't the highlight at all. The best parts about the film was the overall plot, the character development (specifically the change of Harvey Dent to Two-Face), and of course, the acting, and the fact that Heath Ledger's Joker is probably my favourite villain I've seen in cinema (but then again, I'm not a cinematic expert, I have not even seen great films like The Godfather). Seriously, I don't use this word often, but I'd describe the acting of him to be perfect. The scenes such as the pencil trick, you just knew that he was absolutely not to be messed with, and how insane he is. But he was also hilarious, such as the whole nurse outfit thing, and the blowing up of the hospital as well.
Ok, so there weren't really any major spoilers there. That's probably because I really enjoyed the film, and don't want to spoil it for anybody that would read this (and yeah, I know I put spoiler warnings, but people often ignore those). One thing that annoys me is when some people say/believe that the only reason anyone is reguarding Heath's performance as excellent is because he's dead, which is complete bullshit. I wasn't really aware of who Heath Ledger really was before he died, and thus wasn't effected when hearing the news, but after watching this, I am really sad about his death because of his performance in this.
Fucking hell my fucking guitar,cvino
Again, the thing above me is something I wrote in this blog draft just before I went to bed, and decided to keep it in. Yes I did.
What I am doing yeah I have nothing to write about hello
Well, right now all I'm doing is listen to music (mainly Bjork right now) and completing my art book for when I go back to school. So far I've drawn a cartoon wearing headphones, Heath Ledger's Joker, and Thom Yorke. I will be drawing lots of other music people that I love also, and drawing songs. Yeah. I'm also not getting anywhere with my song despite that probably being a priority over my art book. I need to purchase a really good microphone (as in, really good) so I can record the acoustic guitar without it sounding terrible.
It's tiiiiiiiiiiiiime to coooooome home
Woah, I just made a subtitle with Radiohead lyrics...YEAH. So, my brother's coming home from Thailand after almost two years today. He should actually be home any minute now. Yep. I wonder if he's got me anything (lolo) or if he still will keep playing Linkin Park and Thai music when he gets back. I will try to educate him perhaps. Yeah, there's too many subtitles compared to words in this blog, so now I'll just say this before I stop writing things:
This is my best blog I've written, I think (click for link to blog). It's my most nerdy, but yeah. Usually reading over things I write, I cringe, but I don't with that, despite it being pretty pathetic. Woo.
Monday, 30 June 2008
So yeah, onto Green Mile. This was a really sad film, I'm surprised at how moving it was just for simple things such as the mouse dying (though I wasn't a fan of its resurrection, though it was necessary. It's just that it took away a lot of the impact.) And of course, both of the [major] executions got to me a lot, I can't decide which one was worse. I can't think of a character I've hated more than Percy Wetmore, and I don't mean hated as in he's a bad character (he's a great character) but holy shit, what an asshole. When he didn't wet the sponge...man. I also hate how unrealistically everyone acted afterwards, all he basically got was a slap and a few hours locked in a room (and I know he gets that disease at the end but that's beside the point, because it wasn't something the prison guards did).
Another thing (which on reflection, I don't care about) but the twist that Billy the Kid was the one that killed the girls really wasn't surprising, it was pretty obvious, and it tried to be shocking when it wasn't really. I also don't like how Coffey made Percy kill him as a punishment, because he gave him a quick painless death, while the chair would have been a worse punishment anyway.
I was pretty weirded out and annoyed at when the film suddenly became supernatural and holy, with some apparent religious metaphors (John Coffey's initials = JC which = Jesus Christ) but it doesn't matter, I'm not gonna pretend it hurt the film at all because it didn't, but I thought it was going to. Coffey was pretty human anyway. Yeah. Another thing I didn't quite like was how Paul got the "curse" from God at the end for letting Coffey die, which I thought was really stupid because it was Coffey's wish, and he asked him not to stop it. I'm just going to assume that Paul's assumption was wrong about God doing it because, well, why WOULD he curse someone for letting them die when they want to.
I always end up just talking about the negatives when reviewing things, which is a really annoying trait of mine. I don't know how to compliment things unless I say "I liked this part" or "that was great". I wish I could properly critique things (though maybe I'm better at doing this to music. I'll review that Neutral Milk Hotel album eventually, Bown).
Now onto Futurama:
I'd just like to point out before I write about this that this is just a personal reason for why I was moved a lot more by the ending of Jurassic Bark over the ending of The Luck of the Fryrish (which are both really good puns, haha) and this isn't exactly set in stone. Then again, you probably already knew that, but y'know *FILLS UP SPACE*.
The ending of Jurassic Bark had much more of an impact on me because, well, it was a sad ending. Fry had made a mistake and he didn't really know it, his dog DID remember him and had spent the rest of his life waiting for him before he died. And then there's luck of the Fryrish, which also had a great ending, but it was like "aw, that's sweet" kinda thing, because his brother hadn't stolen his life. Basically, everything turned out alright, and it was just lovely, rather than the "damn it Fry, your dog still remembers you". I'm explaining this horribly, and making the ending of Luck of the Fryrish seem a lot worse and over simplified than it really is, but that's pretty much how I feel.
And it's not just the ending of Jurassic Bark that makes me sad, too. There's other parts such as when Seymour (Fry's dog) finds Fry frozen, and tries to tell his parents, but they don't notice (it was funny, and is funny, but it still makes me kinda go "damn"). I probably also cared about the episode a bit more cos I was imagining if that had happened to my cat, haha. I love animals, I might become vegetarian one day (aslong as I get to smother everything with melted cheese I MIGHT just make it).
Yeah... I have nothing to write about recently. I don't really like writing blogs about media stuff, but I guess it will do. In other news...
Music Bros Brawl-E's Lawful Adventures...lol
I haven't been thinking about and thus not progressing on the song I'm writing at all, because I have been playing Smash Bros Brawl pretty much constantly for 2 days. Really, really great game, but I'm not having nearly as much fun as I should be having because I haven't been playing multiplayer. I also think the game's a bit more floaty than it should be, and I really don't like the changes to Falco and some of the physics in general...but OH GOD, Meta knight just rules. And uh, I hear Zak has been telling Anthony that they both need to stay at my house for the night. He should try asking me, not Anthony, haha. YEAH ZAK YOU BIG JERK, I'M CALLING YOU OUT.
Yeah, I really want to see Wall-E, because it's apparently a wonderful film and Pixar's best work, but it's not out at my local cinema until the bloody 18th of July (it was released elsewhere 2 days ago, I believe). That's really annoying, yes it is. I'm also reminded suddenly by the use of the word "bloody" (the wrong BLOODY side) that Nick Ashby's Lawful Adventures is one of the most wonderful things I've ever seen, and I advise all of you to watch it...
...Someone has taken my old blog url already, hahaha. It's really weird though, because it's just a bunch of consecutive examples of teenagers getting personal loans or whatever, and nothing more. I don't know why they picked that url. The funny thing is, though, when my blog was linked to on that site about my Amnesiac review, anyone that reads that and clicks the link will be linked to a site about teenagers being given loans. Marvelous. We should collaborate in a blog, I can see it now. Alienbz.blogspot.com. That might be a possible url (because Alienblogato might not be the final choice, I'm still unsure if it's a good name to track down (google comes up with nothing) and that's why I changed from the original URL in the first place.
And with that, I leave you sitting in your own filth, you shit.
Thursday, 19 June 2008
And now this blog is becoming a bitch fest, which I didn't want to happen, so I'm cutting it short write here.
Tomorrow I'm going to TJ's 16th birthday, which shall be fun. He rung me yesterday, and I had no idea who it was. I'm sorry, haha. Though, Zak told me to ring him, but I don't have his number I don't think. So I'm not really sure how to get there, because he told me to meet him at the "2 fat ladies" in Wimbledon...and I don't where the "2 fat ladies" is. I feel like I should know, because I live right near Wimbledon but, er, I don't. Hopefully he'll come on the msn device later.
The song I'm writing is coming along really well, which I'm really glad about. I need to start writing lyrics, and then I'll record it and get to work on Sony Acid. That reminds me, need to ask Liam (Ugmo Liam, this is getting annoying actually. From now on, Liam refers to Ugmo, and Dolubasao refers to, um, Dolubasao) about more links to free samples. I'm also worried about Acid automatically changing the tempo to match the drums; I hope it's the other way around, and that the drums are slowed down/sped up to match the guitar.
Hahaha, that reminds me. When I was speaking to Lorentz, I said "Acid will probably make making the music easier", and he thought I was talking about drugs. That's pretty cool! Maybe I should try both. But yeah, uh...
I have nothing to talk about recently. How the hell does Dom write 12000 word blogs? Ok, that's a stupid question, because he's told me how. Maybe I should start some kind of log thing too, and make my blogs a "best of" from that. It would probably result in me not posting occasionally shitty (lol) blogs which are just youtube videos.... though I haven't done that in a while, I'm just posting this to fill up space.
Which I don't want to do, gah. Filling up space sucks unless you're filling up space with something worthwhile...and I'm still doing it, to! Jeez. I'll talk about something now; I haven't been working on Alien Potato for about a week. I hope I manage to motivate myself to finish it soon; I don't want it to head to "oblivion", which all my semi long flashes seem to go. I can never make anything more than 3 minutes long unless it's a joke and/or piece of crap. Sucks. Oh well!
This blog is terrible, sorry. I feel like I should add to it later, but nah.
Thursday, 12 June 2008
I'm also pretty happy, I feel like I'm starting to get somewhere, at least a little, with my song that I'm writing. So far it's pretty much the result of listening to "Independence Day" by Elliott Smith on loop, but it doesn't sound too much like it, which is exactly what I want; to be inspired but not completely rip someone off which I do way too much. But I need to write more than just the guitar part, I added some keyboard drums when I recorded the intro and it sounded hilariously bad, so now my next task is to get a program like Sony Acid to add some drums, or something...
...I also broke my guitar string yesterday. Damn. I'm gonna have to write the song on my electric, but when I record, I'm recording on an acoustic. It just sounds better for the type of song, yep. That said, I'm a bit interested in writing songs for an electric guitar. I've tried before, but never really did well. This is because there's so many different tones for guitar that it gets a bit confusing what to do, and like, I'm not skilled at that kind of way of playing. I'm not good at shredding and just general soloing is what I mean, but yeah, I guess that doesn't matter much.
I need to focus on things I can do to the song I'm writing now, rather than waiting to get music programs (which I'll not get until at least the 17th), because then I'll just be on halt. I need to start writing lyrics next, or write more of the guitar stuff, because usually I write something good, and end up just repeatedly playing it over and over 'cos I can't write anything that fits, and I really need to just get out of this continued comfort zone of doing things the same and not trying anything different, y'know. Yeah, this blog is terrible because so far it's basically one giant "note to self", but maybe you'll find it interesting? Doubt it. Maybe. Meh. Words.
...Now on a non musical topic, I really need Metal Gear Solid 4 right now. I don't have a PS3, and I'd feel ridiculous cashing out £400 for basically 1 game, but I'll feel less ridiculous if my brother pays half the amount when he gets back (which would be sometime in July, but then again he has no money right now so it would probably end up being 10 years or so). I hate it when a game I really, really want is out, and I just can't have it. That sounds really childish and pathetic, and well, it is! But y'know, there's nothing wrong with wanting something. It's Smash Bros Brawl all over again, though when that came out, I really couldn't get it because it's not out in Europe (though it will be soon).
Yeah. That'll probably do.
Sunday, 8 June 2008
So, I got a letter from school about A levels, and what one I should pick for next year (that would be an addition to my art btec). The only one that really grabs my eye is the music one, because it's a composing course, and I'm pretty interested in that. The description of the course mentions composing, but also composing using computers, and then of course performing our pieces (which I'd love to do, I've never performed to a large audience, or in a group for that matter). I do admit though, I'm not so keen about learning theory. I mean, I'm definitely eager to learn, but I can imagine me not...doing so well in this part, and getting a bad grade. But if I'm honest, it's not the grade that concerns me at all in reguard to this.
But yeah, that leads to another thought. Both Liam (ugmo) and Dom have said that studying music actually partially killed their enthusiasm for it. I'm not sure if I should take this into account though, because:
- This course seems a bit different. It's situated about writing music and performing which is exactly what I want to do. I think their courses were more like...traditional? Can't think of a word
- They might be talking about university level, which would indeed be much harder.
Either way, I'm going to atleast try my summer goal (and a requirement to apply for the course); I need to record a 2 minute original composition. I've already started this anyway, but it's not going that well because I really need to break the mold of mimicing songs, or making songs that sound like a blend of others. I have all summer to do this (I think, anyway) so I think it will definitely get better. I might start getting guitar lessons again, or maybe piano lessons, just because a requirement is a "clear interest in music", and I don't think they'd think I'm "interested enough" if I don't atleast have some references.
Tomorrow is my birthday (16th); I'm not getting anything apart from albums though. Well, actually, I'm getting just money I think, but with that I'm buying albums. This is because I really need to expand my music library (and hell, maybe if I do that, I'll start copying from everyone except just Radiohead, haha). List includes The Eraser, Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, Either/Or, Boy in da Corner, and Selected Ambient Works 85-92 (and others, possibly). But then again, that's assuming they have them in HMV (I know they'll have the Smashing Pumpkins one, but last time I checked they didn't have "The Eraser", so I'm doubting they'll have Aphex Twin).
How I miss my Potato
Yeah, my laptop's still away getting fixed, and boy do I miss working on Alien Potato. I know what you're thinking: "Wait, you miss working on a cartoon? After mentioning many times how pain stakingly boring it is? Question mark?" Well, that is correct, animating is often extremely boring, but it's something to do that's productive. I wrote about this in much more detail in a previous blog, but I'll go over it again; I love creative/productive stuff, because they kill time and they're achievements, in a way. I feel like I'm doing something, rather than just indulging myself in nothing. So basically, I feel a lot more pointless when I'm not working on something.
This has a bright side though, because instead of just doing nothing all together, I'm working on something else productive which is actually more important as of now. I'm refering to trying to write a song of course.
Yeah, that's about it. I'm back to shortish blogs for now.
Wednesday, 4 June 2008
Nothing's been going on recently, except exams, which are very boring. I've also been playing my keyboard a lot more recently (as in, I'm hardly touching my guitar) and I'm trying to make songs. One I'm making now sounds a bit like Morning Bell but its mainly me just mucking around. I need to learn more piano chords off by heart.
Oh and uh, my laptop has been taken away from me because the graphics card isn't working or something. This is annoying yes it is... OH I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE *DOES BLOG CHALLENGE*
Ok, uh. Faeces eh? Faeces are my least favourite fallen excrement! I don't really know what I'm meant to say about this... kinda reminds me of brown water. Did I just amaze you, Dom? I managed to reference my blog challenge aswell as yours. That takes real skill y'know!
Hitler...he was a huge prick. He also gives things a bad name, e.g, "Evolution only leads to killing people. Did you know hitler believed in evolution and survival of the fittest? That's why the holocaust happened!". EUGH. Hitler was actually pretty good at painting though, backgrounds atleast. Apparently he sucked at painting people though, which is weird because I'm good at painting most things except backgrounds. If we combined our talents we'd be invincible.
My CD collection is pretty pathetic. The first album I ever bought was R Kelly's "The R in Rn'B", because it had "Ignition Remix" on it. Then I think it was Christina Aguillera's "Stripped", then uh...Michael Jackson's "Number Ones". A year later I then bought Greenday's "American Idiot"...I don't listen to any of those anymore...
Then I bought Absolution, and loved it, then Origin of Symmetry (best Muse album), then Showbiz (2nd best), then Hullaballoo. This was the period when I was a Muse maniac. Then, last Christmas, I bought The Bends and Ok Computer. I remember I was pretty much like "...woah". I also got Black Holes and Revelations for Christmas, and initially loved it, but then I got bored of it (because, well, Matt is not good at writing an album related to politics, because it's pretty much "DIE GOVERNMENT DIE BANG BANG").
I then proceded to get more Radiohead albums. Hail to the Thief first, then Amnesiac and Kid A on the same day. Amnesiac is the best album I've ever heard, yep. Those are my only records, but I have lots of music on my laptop/ipod, but most of it is either downloaded/sent to me.
Christ, now I'm meant to link them all into one, aren't I? Ok. Wouldn't it be awesome if Hitler released an album of him defecating? There we go.
Tuesday, 27 May 2008
Career in Art?
Ok, I've always been an artist at heart. I've been drawing since I was little, and my biggest gift is painting. Recently, I'm just thinking, art is kinda shit. Well, not really... I'm struggling how to word this. Marketing art is pretty crap, basically. I do a painting, and what happens? It will get put in a large white room and old rich people might look at it and discuss if they want to buy it. Others might walk around and say something like "Wow, that's pretty cool." or "Meh" and walk off, forgetting its existence forever.
I hate that; The thing that I'm best at has become pretty irrelevant at this time. I'm not talking about making money (well, not mainly) because I guess some people MIGHT pay money for my paintings, but that's not really what I'm talking about. I'm talking about proper appreciation for art is gone. The main problem is, art can't be sold to the masses. If I did a painting, I couldn't sell that to everyone like I could an album. Of course, there's exceptions: album covers, comic books, etc. The problem with them is they're not being bought for the art. Albums are bought for the music, comics are bought partially for the art, but mainly the story/characters. I also don't want to do either of those things, really. I'm not a designer myself, and comics do interest me...but not that much. The only way I'd want to draw for a comic would be if it was my own comic, as in, my story, my art, my characters.
Then there's animation, which I'm interested in...but animation is boring. If I had a career in animation I would most likely end up collapsing into myself. I could only ever do it as a free time thing, it's just too tedious. Again, I'd only consider animation if I was in charge of the story and art. I would hate to animate someone else's ideas.
Gah, I feel like I'm typing a bunch of crap that I probably disagree with anyway. Here's a summary:
- People are not moved or concerned by art as they are music
- Art can not be distributed as easily as music, if at all
- Art that can be distributed easily is art that I am not concerned about/being distributed as a side product.
Career in Music?
I'm not gonna list all the positives and negatives of being in a band, because I can't be bothered and it's more obvious. I want to have a career in music as an ideal life choice. It's because my passion for music has outgrown my passion for art. It can evoke emotion much more easily than art can.
The thing about this is, I don't know where to start. I've become bored with guitar music kinda recently, and I want to try more electronic stuff. I'll probably ask Liam for a list of programmes, but really, I'd love to just go to Australia and hang with him and Dom and they can teach me various stuff. That's an annoying thing about my life at the moment, I'm surrounded by talented musicians, but they're not my friends. Well, a few of them are, but they're either much more talented than me or want to make different music to me (or as just as clueless about the music I want to make as I am). But back at Ugmo head quarters, they like the same kind of music I do AND they're experienced at it AND (most importantly) they're actually my friends.
A ray of hope in me having a music career is that Thom Yorke (Radiohead) did a degree in art, I believe. He basically went down the same round as I am, is what I'm saying. But then again, he's a musical genius, one of the true virtuosos of our time, and I'm not (yet? OH OH) so yeah.
To link into the previous discussion, I'm seeing my friends as different people recently. Well, that's a bad way putting it really. Basically, I'm becoming a gigantic nerd. Recently, I'm reguarding my Ugmo friends as being closer friends than those I have in real life. I've never wanted to meet people that I haven't met more (except I really wanna meet Thom Yorke and give him a great big cuddle). It's weird, because I see Dom as being a friend, and no longer class him as "internet friend", and I do this (but to a lesser extent) to Michael and Liam. It's because, when I really think about it, a lot of my friends I can't relate to. This might be just because they're not interested in the same things, but there's some other more probable reasons:
- I think I get on with older people better than I do my age. I'm not sure why, but I always found it really easy to relate to my older brother's friends (he's 21, 6 years older than me) when they come round than I do to people my own age. Like, it's usually instant that I get along. I'm not sure why, maybe it's because there's less pressure from older people about what they think of you (such as if, for example, I say I don't drink, and older person might attribute that to my age while someone my age would attribute it to me being boring).
- To link to the previous bullet, Ugmo doesn't seem that fixated on alcohol and drugs (except for the occasional story from Ben Rice or someone else). That's being unfair, I'm not entirely against drinking (or drugs for that matter) but when part of people's screen names is "HANGOVER FROM LAST NIGHT!" it just makes me think "Ehhhh". God, then again, do most of my friends even drink/do drugs at all??? I don't know why I'm typing this, because this is something that I find annoying with my age group rather than my friends.
- Ugmo has the same sense of humour as me, that being the absurd and the satirical, but also, it's clever. Good timing and referencing is often the thing that will make me laugh the most (which is why Anthony so easily gets me into fits of giggles) and well, Ugmo does this well. It's also in joke heaven, and makes me seem close to the guys. It also satisfies my severe dark humour side, as we make fun of people for...controversial things (I'm sorry Michael, and Dom. Perhaps one day you will both be fashionable).
I don't care about them, but I'm gonna try my best. The worst thing is, by far, my parent's expectations. I'm (not to sound arrogant) gonna do better than 90% of the country in these things, but because my sister did so well, my mum has an obsession with me wanting to out do her. I don't want to. The one thing I'm developing a real passion for I'm not even studying anyway, but yeah. There's no point arguing in them, because if I do, I'll sound like a no life bum that's destined for nothing. It's annoying though, because in the end, it should be about what you learn. The only use for GCSEs are for something to look good on your CV when applying for a job (resumes for those Americans among you. I also don't actually know if Australia says CV or resume or something different).
I mean, I've already been accepted back in school. Why should I care that much, honestly? Just, I do care, but not nearly enough as my mum does. My sister got good A levels and GCSEs and she's more clueless about what to do with her life than I am.
Random stuff (Phallus)
I've recently gotten a DeviantArt account, and I'm already blocked from commenting on someone's pictures. I mean, I give lengthy and honest criticism to his piece of shit (though I was never "mean" as I'm being now about it) and the bugger blocks me. Outrage! I also went on the chat rooms of that site, and subsequently found a girl that loves Radiohead, and not only that, her favourite album is Amnesiac. Awesome. I should invite her to Ugmo perhaps.
God, reading this blog is horrible, I've turned into a giant loser. I've been talking about internet stuff the whole time, because as of now, my life isn't active enough to have anything to write about apart from exams. Sad huh? Anyway...
...I think I've said all I need to say. I want a change in life style and a change in scenery. My bedroom walls are getting pretty boring, as loving as they are.