Wednesday, 23 June 2010


I'm moving house tomorrow. I move pretty frequently, and I don't like moving, or at least not when I move, mainly because when my family moves, it's never some planned goal or anything (except the house I moved in when I was 6). It's always because "something comes up" or whatever. I feel unstable, like I can't get attached to a home because after 3 or 4 years I'll get a new one. And they're always rented so we have to like, "be careful" and stuff (not that I wouldn't be careful if the house was my family's). I guess this is what life's gonna be like when I move out though, so I should get used to it. I'd like somewhere to properly call home though, and I feel like I won't feel that for maybe a decade. That better not happen.

My main memories of this place are of it being a creative den. It was the place where I honed most of the talents that I have now (I taught myself guitar here over 4 years for example) and also for becoming someone who isn't terrible (I think when I was in year 9 I might have been pretty terrible, I can't be sure). It was in this house I first indulged in Radiohead, Elliott Smith, Red House Painters, and everything else that was to come music wise. Ummm. I also made the best friends I've ever had, and maybe ever will have, while I was here (literally for the online ones).

But let's just hope this new place brings unseen amazements. Is amazements a word? I like it. Firefox hasn't auto-corrected it at least.

Saturday, 19 June 2010

Wondering if I'm more agnostic

Than atheist now. Probably not, but recently I keep thinking about after death, and thinking "Nah, I gotta continue on after I die. There's no way it'll just end like that." But I can't really rationalise it at all. It's just a feeling, probably brought out of some deep fear of eventually not existing. I can imagine the last days of my life (if I know they're near) are probably going to be spent with me praying and repenting and stuff, because I'll want to continue living, and I'll be doing this out of fear. That's a prediction. I mean if I'm feeling "this can't be it" by this age in my life when I'm not even near death, I can't imagine how I'll be acting when it's right at my door step.

Hmmm not really sure what that paragraph is about. I don't think about death as much as I used to. Ummmmmm. Also I'm kinda realising that my blogs are very lame in some aspects. I mean the ones where I'm complaining about not creating. It's just funny that I spend all day on the internet and playing videogames or whatever, and then I write about how I'm not doing anything. It's entirely my fault. I guess I've never denied that it isn't my fault, but I could very easily create some stuff that I want to create. I think the main problem is that I have no idea how to go about recording music, which is the main endeavour I wanna persue. But I think I'm gonna spend the next few weeks trying to finish my cartoon. I got it like, 80% done, and then just stopped cos I'm stupid.

Some songs I've been hearing you should also hear if you haven't already:

Animal Collective - The Purple Bottle
The Constructus Corporation - Invisible Sentinels
Red House Painters - Have You Forgotten
Arcade Fire - Vampire/Forest Fire
My Bloody Valentine - I Can See It (But I Can't Feel It)

Thursday, 17 June 2010

Nothing in Particular

Rankings of some Games:

Bioshock: 9.5
Bioshock 2: 8.9
Final Fantasy 7: 10
Final Fantasy X: 9.7
Zelda: Majora's Mask: 10
Heavy Rain: 8.5

Note - none of these are new to me except Heavy Rain. Actually I wanna talk about that game a little bit more. Never have I felt so tense and nervous in a game. It's great. Actually, that's the problem with pretty much any horror game, once you die for the first time in the game, nothing is really scary anymore. Heavy Rain's different because dying doesn't mean finishing, it just means changing. You want to keep these characters alive, cos if you don't, they are dead. It's just a shame that, even with the amazingly wide variety of ways to change the story, it has basically no replay value for me for some reason (though maybe I'm basing that on me trying to get a certain ending twice in a row and the game crashing on me, twice. That sucks cos that almost never happens to me).

I also can't really ignore how the game play aspects for the action segments really are awful if you're honest with yourself, as in the sections that aren't puzzles or trying to make you make very hard moral choices (which are great). But at the same time, it doesn't matter that the game play aspect for those sections are awful because the cinematic aspect is still there, and great. I'm not exactly sure what I would change if I was in charge of making a sequel to this game (not a sequel plot wise, it could be a completely different setting and characters). I'd probably include less annoying controls for things like walking (and more exploring rather than strictly chapter based) which would in turn make more massive possible story variations.

In fact, this is why I love Majora's Mask so much, how you play the same 3 days over and over but can completely change the character's schedules. When you reunite an engaged couple, just 5 minutes before the moon crashes down and destroys the planet, and you basically have to "reset" time to save yourself from being crushed, it makes you mad, that you went through all of that for essentially nothing, because that damn skull kid was just about to destroy the planet and the people you helped, and it makes you much more motivated to complete the game. It's also funny, cos while I was playing that game, I was sometimes like "I wonder what so and so character in the game is up to now" as if they were real people. Though I should stress I'm probably making that aspect of people having their own schedules sound much more complex than it is (but the game did come out 10 years ago). I'm just annoyed nothing else has really come out like that since, because it was the most I've ever felt like something is a real place (and have a problem with things like GTA, because for such a vast place and all the people, they essentially amount to people you can kill or not kill).

And what's worse is when people say "Majora's Mask was great except that it had that 3 day thing". It's like saying "Majora's Mask was great except that part where you move around and play the game". It IS the game.

Video game talk; my blog has hit a new low. Oh no!

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

It's my birthday!

Happy birthday me! I'm 18 now! Fuck yeah! Now I can be a person!

Monday, 7 June 2010

Me making plans

Me making plans has basically no influence on whether I will do those things. That kinda sucks, probably. I think I have to be forced into doing things to well, actually do them (e.g THIS, though it is just a first draft, it's almost done). I'm actually amazed; I did about half of this cartoon in about a week, and the other half over around 2 months. I could probably get so much done but I just can't, for some reason. Maybe I just need a massive break from creating anything until it all becomes fun again, and motivation won't even be needed.

Writing this because seeing as I've finished school, it's meant to be time to make things and all that. Have done nothing. Haven't even picked up a guitar for a good while, and I usually do that out of habit, uh oh.

On the other hand, I have been watching lots of films and playing lots of games, which is great for me. I'm glad that I can finally enjoy games again, it's a good thing.