Saturday, 19 June 2010

Wondering if I'm more agnostic

Than atheist now. Probably not, but recently I keep thinking about after death, and thinking "Nah, I gotta continue on after I die. There's no way it'll just end like that." But I can't really rationalise it at all. It's just a feeling, probably brought out of some deep fear of eventually not existing. I can imagine the last days of my life (if I know they're near) are probably going to be spent with me praying and repenting and stuff, because I'll want to continue living, and I'll be doing this out of fear. That's a prediction. I mean if I'm feeling "this can't be it" by this age in my life when I'm not even near death, I can't imagine how I'll be acting when it's right at my door step.

Hmmm not really sure what that paragraph is about. I don't think about death as much as I used to. Ummmmmm. Also I'm kinda realising that my blogs are very lame in some aspects. I mean the ones where I'm complaining about not creating. It's just funny that I spend all day on the internet and playing videogames or whatever, and then I write about how I'm not doing anything. It's entirely my fault. I guess I've never denied that it isn't my fault, but I could very easily create some stuff that I want to create. I think the main problem is that I have no idea how to go about recording music, which is the main endeavour I wanna persue. But I think I'm gonna spend the next few weeks trying to finish my cartoon. I got it like, 80% done, and then just stopped cos I'm stupid.

Some songs I've been hearing you should also hear if you haven't already:

Animal Collective - The Purple Bottle
The Constructus Corporation - Invisible Sentinels
Red House Painters - Have You Forgotten
Arcade Fire - Vampire/Forest Fire
My Bloody Valentine - I Can See It (But I Can't Feel It)


Andrew said...

Ironically i'm religious and have no real desire to continue living after death. in fact the idea kinda freaks me out.

Jack Bz said...

Hahaha. Wanna trade?