Wednesday, 20 February 2008

My biggest fear

My biggest fear is death. It has been ever since I was little. I'm terrified by it. One day I won't eat, sleep, talk, walk, play, make things. One day I won't think. That's the scariest part; I can't really imagine me not thinking. I won't even be all "I am dead oh no it's dark", I just won't exist at all.
I remember, in primary school, there was an assembly about peoples' fears. We had to put up our hand and say what scares us, and the teacher would write them on the board. I remember some boy in like year 2 said "death" and the teacher replied with:

"Death isn't something to be feared, because when you die you're reunited with God".

She didn't write death on the board (which was stupid and rude but that's a whole other story). This is the reason death scares me, because most other people in the world believe in God and an afterlife, they believe in heaven and ever lasting happiness. They believe that when you die, someone, somewhere, is waiting for you, and that someone will make you happy for eternity. I believe that when you die, that is it. This is our only chance to ever live, and I don't ever want it to be taken away from me but it will in about 70 odd years (I hope).

There's been lots of coverage in the newspapers about teenagers committing suicide in this little town in Wales. I don't understand this at all. They want to be famous? Who the hell cares about being famous if you're dead? It's like...people don't realise that death is a one way street. They won't get to experience their 'fame' even though it's not fame, it's another 'random teenager is dead' in a newspaper article.

I love life to be honest. I'm healthy, I have a good school, I live in a really great and developed country. I am so grateful that I am not in poverty, hell, I'm grateful that I wasn't born an animal even. I don't want this to just end, ever.

But it will.

Tuesday, 12 February 2008


I really want to write some songs, and then become really famous and rich with a band. The band wouldn't be some talented strangers, they would be friends and I would help and we'd come up with song ideas together. Also, being famous wouldn't be bad, I wouldn't be in magazines or tabloids, just people would know my name and say "I know that guy, he's in that band that makes good music".

We'd have lots of good albums and we'd be original. We'd make touring special, put on a really good show, be innovative and stuff. I'd also get a family maybe and children and I'd let them do whatever job they want, but I wouldn't want them to be famous unless they didn't want to.

What I'm doing right now won't help me at all with doing this ^^^^^ unless I want to make amazing album covers. Eugh. I feel sick. I don't want to leave my bed for a week. I want to stay with my guitar and make songs and stuff. Hell, even on the train with Zak, we were making random drum beats (probably annoying people) and it was fun even doing that.

I want to be in a band more than anything right now.

Thursday, 7 February 2008

Review of the week:

Bad things:

I'm so tired, I get sleep but it doesn't do anything and I'm constantly tired. Have no time to do homework because I'm so tired and thus have to wake up early to complete it.

Traffic jams. This never used to be a problem but now the whole road is jammed all the way to the station. I've been late twice this week because of that.

I feel constantly ill. Groggy, like my stomach is upside down. I think this might be the tiredness though.

Last day of school for this week was not very fun. Zak did the same model I did in art but better (I don't really care about this, haha, just need some filler) and yeah, didn't say goodbye to anyone but I guess it's my fault.

Good things:

Uuuuuuh not much work in general, mainly just reading things which is good. Preparation and stuff y'know?

Parents evening went much better than I thought it would. I feel suddenly confident, I feel like I'm not failing in school but am in fact doing really good. People telling me I'm good makes me do good, and telling me I'm bad does NOT make me want to improve, it makes me want to stop. One thing I am not is complacent.

I'm gonna make next week a good week, I really want a great week. I'm writing more songs and it's pretty good but I need a band or music software to help. I also have a sudden interest in english recently, because I'm doing well and I really want to write a story. I might do this!

Monday, 4 February 2008

This is my blog about people

People can be awful and terrible, but usually they're actually pretty nice, if a little selfish. If, for example, you were stuck under a car or something like that, the person or people around you's first reaction would definitely be to help you. A natural desire to help other life is one of the things that makes people absolutely great.

We build, we learn, we create. Can you believe that all of the cities and roads and technology was built and created by people? How awesome is that, seriously. The most any other creature has ever done is use sticks to fish out bugs and stuff. We are so amazing. It's true.

I mean, of course there's a bad side. War, genocide, murder, humans have been victims and culprits of all of those. What other creature has been responsible for the death of millions of others of its own kind, especially because of stupid things like their race or their beliefs. We're the most touchy species to ever exist, imagine if a cat killed another cat because it meowed in a tone it didn't quite like (haha, actually this has probably happened somewhere in the world. You know I mean though, right?

A lot of people are awful, but most are great. I conclude that we are the greatest species to ever exist (untill we evolve into smarter and better things :-O)

Saturday, 2 February 2008

Kinda falling into deep crap right nowwww

Will update to say if I fail or succeed.

UPDATE 23rd June 2008: Everything was fine, and this is the most pointless blog I've ever written.